The MacScouter's Big Book of Skits -- A through B

Table of Contents

The Airplane

7-Scouts acts as the pilot, co-pilot and radioman on an airliner. 4 other scouts are on the wings as the engines, on the wings of the plane.

The pilot announces to co-pilot that engine one has failed. Engine one (ham this up) sputters, makes noise and dies, Co-pilot instructs radioman to inform tower and tell them they will be arriving 15 minutes late(radioman radios tower and repeats message). Soon after engine two fails, repeat the process again but this time tell the tower they will be 30 minutes late. Then engine three with more panic tell the tower we will be 1 hour late. Finally the pilot announces the fourth and final engine has failed. The radioman then says: "Boys I'd better radio the tower, we may be up here all day!"

Airplane Short Runway

Cast: 2 scouts (If more are desired, they can be passengers, with suitable sound effects and actions. Seating for pilot and co-pilot, and for passengers if required and a compass.

Announcer: This scene is on board a very low budget airline.

Pilot: Well, are we anywhere near the airport, co-pilot ? Co-Pilot: (peering out the window) I don't know... I see lights over there to the port. That's likely it. Bring 'er around and have a look. Pilot: (lurching plane hard to the left) Boy, I can't tell. I wish the company would buy us some instruments. Co-Pilot: (pulling compass from pocket) Oh, I've got my trusty compass and the sun went down about 20 minutes ago, so we've got to be on course. (Excited) Look, see that spot down there, that must be it. Pilot: Okay, here we go. Give me 20 degrees flaps, I'm going in. (Puts plane into a nose dive, sound effects.) Pilot: This is going to be tough. Give me more flaps, cut back the engines. (Louder) More flaps, less throttle ! Co-Pilot: (Appropriate actions and sounds, acting panicky.) Pilot: QUICK, cut the engines, give me brakes. MORE BRAKES ! Both: (Sighs of relief) We're down, we made it ! Pilot: Boy that was a short runway ! Co-Pilot: (Looking right, then left) Yep, and wide too !

All Face

An Indian and a white man are traveling together. It's cold and the white man is shivering. The white man is all bundled up and the Indian has very little on (i.e. pants, no shirt) and his blanket. The white man complains about the cold and doesn't understand why the Indian isn't. The white man asks the Indian how he stays so warm. The Indian asks if his face is cold. The white man says no it isn't. The Indian replies, "Me all face."

American Folk Tale Skit

Narrator: America's history is full of colorful characters. I'm sure you've heard of many that you couldn't even begin to count them. But we also know that much of our country's history wasn't written down until many years had passed. Memories fade as time goes by. Now...we're not calling our historians liars...but...things were not always the way they told us. Take, for instance, the burro express rider.

Rider: (enters pulling the burro) "Come on Speedy, those Cub Scouts at Southside are waiting for their Male.

Narrator: "Excuse me sir? Why do you call your burro Speedy?

Rider: Why, this here is the fastest burro in the west.

Narrator: "How fast is he?"

Rider: "Why, he's so fast he can dance his shoes off! (Burro dances, and removes his shoes and tosses them into the crowd and they leave.)

Narrator: And there's always the legend of Rip Van Winkle. It's really quite unlikely that he could sleep for forty whole years.

Rip Van W.: (entering) Sleep? Did I hear someone mention sleep. Oh, I'd love to get some sleep!

Narrator: Have a hard day Rip?

Rip Van W.: Day, day he says! Days is more like it. Ever since those Cub Scouts came to town, I haven't slept a wink. Their Den Leaders keep knocking things over and tripping over things. And you should hear them laugh.

Narrator: Poor Rip, I guess he could use forty years sleep now.

Chef: (entering eating an ice cream cone, and looking over and under and around things, saying...."Nope, not here, etc. and "I know it's around here somewhere." Continuing to look.)

Narrator: Boy that ice cream looks good. Where can I get some?

Chef: Down the road at Custard's Last Stand.

Narrator: What are you looking for?

Chef: A mine.

Narrator: You mean the Lost Dutchman Mine?

Chef: No the lost Italian Mine of course. I hear they have the greatest pizza.

Narrator: There was a guy over there who was talking about pizza earlier. I think his name was Wild Bill.....(hiccup) Wild Bill........(hiccup)....

Chef: Yeah, I know him, Wild Bill Hiccup - Hiccup...(leave the room)

The Ants

Characters: 6 to 8 Cub Scouts

Props: Paper sacks

Setting: Skit opens with boys standing together in a backyard. Cardboard cutout trees and bushes could be used.

1st Cub: Gee, there's nothing to do.
2nd Cub: Yeah, I know.
3rd Cub: Hey, let's have a backyard picnic.
All: Yeah!
4th Cub: But it's going to rain.
1st Cub: I don't think so. If it does, we can eat in the house.
2nd Cub: I'll bring the potato chips.
3rd Cub: I'll bring the hot dogs.
4th Cub: I'll bring the hot dog buns.
5th Cub: I'll bring the drinks.
6th Cub: And I'll bring something special!

(All walk offstage and come back carrying sacks)

2nd Cub: Here are the chips.
3rd Cub: Here are the hot dogs.
4th Cub: Here are the hot dog buns.
5th Cub: Here are the drinks.
6th Cub: (Drops his sack) Oh, no!
5th Cub: What's wrong?
6th Cub: I brought the ants!!

Artistic Genius

The scene is an art show where judges are inspecting several canvases are displayed. They comment on the brightness, color, technique, that is used on the different pictures. They select one for the prize and comment additionally on the genius, imagination, and the beauty of the picture. The artist is called up and the winning picture is shown to him. The painter exclaims, "Oh, my goodness, that got in by mistake. That's the canvas that I clean my brushes on.

The Great Aug

Important Guy: "OK, Aug, I want you to sell these pencils."

Aug: "Pen-solls"

Important Guy: "That's right, Aug. Now, when you see someone coming down the street, I want

you to tell them what you're selling."

Aug: "Pen-solls"

Important Guy: "Yes, Aug. Be more enthusiastic about it!"

Aug, waving his hands in the air: "Pen-Solls!!!"

Important Guy: "Very good, Aug. Now, people will want to buy your pencils, and they'll ask how much they are. They come in $2, $5, and $10 packs. Got that?"

Aug: "Pen-solls?"

Important Guy: "No: Two, Five, Ten."

Aug: "Two .. Five ... Ten!!!"

Important Guy: "I think you've got that. Now Aug, one more thing. Someone might ask why they should buy your pencils. If they ask that, Aug, I want you to tell them this. 'If you don't, somebody else will'".

Aug: "If you don't ... somebody else will!"

Important Guy: "Very good. Now, get out there and sell pencils!"

The important guy wanders offstage, and Aug wanders to the other side of the stage. A man on the street approaches Aug. Aug runs to him waving his hands.

Aug, in his face: "Pen-Solls!!!"

Man on street: "Hey, you're a real jerk! How many people have you done this to?"

Aug: "Two, Five, Ten!"

Man on steed: "You're really asking for a punch in the mouth, buddy."

Aug: "If you don't .. somebody else will!"

Man on street punches Aug, who falls flat, that's the end of the skit.

The Babies & Dads

Cast: Doctor, three Dads
Setting: Hospital

Doctor: Mr. Thompson, congratulations. You're the proud father of twins!

Thompson: What a coincidence -- I come from Two Mountains!

Later --

Doctor: Mr. Smith, you now have triplets!

Smith: That's quite astonishing! I come from Three Rivers!

Third father faints; doctor revives him.

Doctor: Mr. Smart -- what's wrong? Your wife hasn't even given birth yet!

Smart: I come from Thousand Islands!

Backpacking

Two scouts lay down on sleeping bags on the stage. Two other scouts, pretending to be bikers "ride" over to one of the scouts who is on top of the bag and proceed to beat him up. They do anything they want to make it look like they have hurt him. They see him moving and "ride" off.

The scout who just got beat up turns to his buddy and says, "Two bikers just came through the woods and beat me up." His buddy turns to him and says, "It was just a dream, go back to sleep."

This happens two more times, with the bikers beating up the guy, but on the third time, something different happens. The guy who gets beat up turns to his buddy and tells him what happened again. This time his friend says, "Fine, if it will make you feel better, I'll switch places with you."

Now the bikers come back and go up to the same sleeping bag again, and one turns to the other and says, "This guy's had enough, let's get the other guy."

-- Thanks to Kevin Garibaldi

A Bad Turn

Akela: "Now, (Cubs name), you know you should always do Good Turns."

1st Cub: I tried, honest!

Akela: OK

Each Cub enters and says similar things to Akela

Last Cub: (carrying a small frying pan with a "pancake" in it) I did a good turn! (flips pancake over and catches it in pan). But you should see the mess in the kitchen! (other Cubs look ashamed)

Balloon Orchestra

The players in the orchestra each hold a balloon. They blow up their balloons in unison, then let out the air in a squeak at a time to the rhythm of some easily recognized rhythm such as "Blue Danube" or "Jingle Bells". To end the skit all fill their balloons with air and let go at the directors signal.

The Baseball Game

This is great fun in warm weather at a campfire, and it takes a little practice for the perpetrators. There is plenty of room for variation, depending on what the Scouts can imagine and how the volunteers react at the time. As usual, the Scapegoat gets wet.

Preparation

You will need an Announcer and a Pitcher, but the Batters will be volunteers. The first Volunteer should be told what is happening ahead of time, so that his performance shows others how it's done. Set up a sheet a backdrop. Two Scouts hide behind it, one with a flashlight and the other with a bucket of water (but be sure that the audience does not see the bucket). The flashlight is held against the sheet to simulate the ball. The movement of the light is the key to the whole skit.

A baseball bat or a thick stick is needed for the batter, and a baseball glove for the Pitcher. Use a roll of canvas and a stick (or something similar) to simulate the sound of the ball hitting the catcher's glove (done by a Scout behind the sheet). If it is dark, have two strong flashlights shining on the Pitcher and Batter.

The Skit

The Announcer comes on stage and tells the audience that there will be a baseball pitching demonstration. He introduces the Pitcher as the greatest pitcher of all time, who will show us his famous specialty pitches. After a buildup about how great the Pitcher is, the Announcer positions the Pitcher at one end of the sheet.

The Announcer asks for members of the audience to volunteer to try to hit this famous pitcher's best pitches. The first volunteer is given the bat and placed at the other end of the sheet. The Announcer explains that the Pitcher will throw one pitch, and the Batter must do his best to hit the ball.

The Pitcher winds up and pretends to throw, as the Announcer narrates ("He's set. He winds up. There's the pitch!" The Scout behind the screen moves his light rapidly down the sheet. The Announcer yells, "Fast ball!" The Batter swings hard. We hear the sound of the ball hitting the catcher's mitt. The Announcer says, "A strike! You're Out!" The Batter returns to his seat.

Another Batter is recruited. This time the Announcer calls out a curve ball, which curves wildly across the sheet. The Batter is again called out. The process continues with a knuckleball and a screwball.

Finally, the Announcer introduces the famous Pitcher's dreaded Secret Pitch. He asks for a special volunteer, of especially outstanding baseball ability and unusual courage, to try to hit this pitch. A Scapegoat is volunteered by the Announcer and encouraged to come up.

The Batter is carefully placed, and the ball is pitched. As it comes to the Batter, the Announcer cries, "Watch out! It's a spitball!"

His warning comes too late, as water cascades over the sheet onto the Batter.

Bear Hunt

A variation on A Talking Martian! and Saloon.

Cast: Bear, two hunters
Setting: The woods

#1: (Whispering) Ah! There's a bear! I can shoot it and I'll have my take for the day! (Bang! And the bear falls down.) Well, I'll go get some rope to drag it.

#2: No! It's mine!
#1: Hey! I shot that bear myself. It's clearly mine.
#2: Look. You couldn't have shot that bear if I didn't drive us here.
#1: Well, I've got news for you. I just killed that bear. It's mine.
#2: And another thing, ...

The two continue arguing when all of a sudden, the bear rises, growls, and frightens the two hunters away.

Bee Sting

1st Scout "OOOOOUCH, OOOOOOH, OOOOOUCH"
2nd Scout "What's the matter with you?"
1st Scout "A bee's stung my thumb!"
2nd Scout "Try putting some cream on it then."
1st Scout "But the bee will be miles away by this time."

The Beer Commercial

Cast: Actor(s), Director, Cameraman, Others in a studio
Setting: Studio

Director: Okay, People! Let's get going!

Cameraman: But Sir!

Director: No interruptions! Action!

Actor, speaking in a dull voice, does a commercial for Scout Beer, talking about its great taste, made from dishwater and leftover porridge, and lots of the special ingredient, "Hop to it," which the Scout leader often said, from Scout camp when ...

Director: Cut! That sounded like you don't like the stuff! Sound sincere!

Okay! Let's try it again!

Cameraman: But Sir!

Director: No buts! Action!

Actor begins again, appropriately sincere, and there are the usual interruptions by the director, saying it's too fast, too slow, whispers into the actor's ear(who then checks his zipper) until finally, everything goes smoothly. All the while, the Cameraman keeps on interrupting the Director at the same time.

Director: Cut! And Print! That was fantastic! Let's get out of here!

Cameraman: But Sir! We don't have any film!

Bell Ringer #1

Props: Coat with football or wadded clothing under it for the Hunchback, hat or nightstick for Gendarme.

Announcer: The Hunchback of Notre Dame has decided to retire, and has place an ad in the Paris Times for someone to come and learn how to ring the bells.

Effects: (Knock, knock, knock)

Hunchback: (Gravely voice) Oh, somebody must be here about my job. I'll go down and see. (Goes 'round and 'round the campfire, as if going down the bell tower, bent over due to hunch.)

Effects : (Knock, knock, knock)

Hunchback: (Angrily) I'm coming, I'm coming. There's a lot of stairs here. (Arrives at and opens the door.)

Hunchback: Yeah ! What do you want ?

Applicant: I'm here about the bell ringer's job.

Hunchback: All right ! Come on up and I'll see if you can do the job. (Begins to go up (the other way around) followed by the applicant.)

Applicant: Boy, the ceiling is not very high here, is it ?

Hunchback: Listen, you go up and down these stairs 20 times a day for 45 years and you just learn to stay bent over. Hey, did you close that door, didn't you ?

Applicant: I don't know. I don't remember.

Hunchback: Well, we gotta go down and keep it locked, can't run up the church's fuel bill. (Both turn around and go back.)

Hunchback: That's the first thing you gotta learn. Keep the door closed. Up and down these stairs, that's the hard part. (Arriving at door) O.K., so now you're here, close the door.

Applicant: (Closes door) How are the benefits in this job ?

Hunchback: (Both going back up) Well, it has it's ups and downs. The Church board will buy you ear plugs every six months and a new bottle of bell polish once a year (Finally arriving at the bell) All right, now you stand over there, and I'll show you how it's done. First you grab the bell here and push it out very hard (steps back and follows path of bell out and back) then the bell comes back on it's own. That's all there is to it. Do you think you can do that ?

Applicant: Sure ! (does the action with the bell, but does not step back, is hit by bell and falls back, to the ground)

Hunchback: Oh my gosh ! He's fallen 15 stories to the sidewalk. I'd better get down there. (Goes 'round and 'round until he reaches the ground)

(Crowd enters mumbling, stops astonished at body)

Gendarme : (Entering, calls to Hunchback) Hey you ! Do you know this guy ? (Rolls body over with foot)

Hunchback: No, but his face sure rings a bell !

Bell Ringer # 2

(The trick with this skit is to do it the night after doing Bell Ringer #1, and to do everything exactly the same - perhaps with a little more 'hamming it up')

(When the Applicant arrives the Hunchback says:)

Hunchback: You look just like the guy who was here yesterday.

Applicant: Oh, that was my twin brother.

(Revert to the original dialog again. The audience will think it's getting a re-run and prepare itself for a 'groaner' of a cheer. When they hear the ending, you'll get a great reaction.)

(Carry on with dialog, except for the last line.)

Hunchback: No, but he's a dead ringer for the guy who was here yesterday !

Bell Ringer # 3

(To be used ONLY when Bell Ringer #1 and #2 have been used.)

Props: Rain slickers, blanket, and Gendarme gear from above.

(Two players enter in rain slickers holding blanket between them like a jumping net. The jig and jog around the performing area.)

Gendarme : (Entering) Hey, what are you guys doing ?

Fireman #1: Well, the last two nights some guy has jumped out of that bell tower, and we came to catch him !

Be Prepared

First scout walks to center of stage, stands to attention, salutes and says, "BE PREPARED." This is repeated by three other scouts. When they are all standing side by side, a loud motor horn or explosion is let off behind the audience.

The scouts then all say, 'WE TOLD YOU TO BE PREPARED'

The Best Spitter In The World

The key performer is the Catcher, who must wave around a can of water without spilling. He simulates the spit hitting the can by tapping on the can with his finger. He will need to practice so that he does not spill, does not show the audience that there is water in the can, and can be heard but not seen when he taps the can.

The catcher sits quietly in the audience. The can of water is on the stage, but not obvious.

A Scout loudly proclaims himself as The Best Spitter In The World. He boasts about his spitting ability, saying that he can spit farther than anyone else. Other Scouts, who have been planted at the back of the audience, challenge him to prove it, saying that they do not believe him. The audience takes up the cry.

The Spitter agrees and asks for someone from the audience to catch for him, just to prove his ability. The Catcher volunteers, acting as if he expects to be the scapegoat.

The Spitter explains that he will stand about 20 feet apart. He will spit, and the Catcher will catch the spit, just to prove the distance and accuracy. The Catcher reacts with horror, "I'm not going to touch your spit!" The Spitter is understanding, notices the can, and offers it as something to catch with. The Catcher agrees with obvious relief.

They set up a short distance apart. The Spitter winds up and spits. The catcher reaches up and catches with a solid thump.

The Spitter takes a bow, but the audience is not impressed. They say anyone can do that, do something harder. They back off and repeat the performance from a greater distance. Again, the audience yells at him.

After several tries, the Spitter claims that he can spit all the way around the world! The audience reaction is predictable. They set up; the Spitter spits; the Catcher ducks, waits, moves the pan around, and catches it.

Now the planted Scouts yell that the Spitter is a fake! They say that he couldn't really spit all around the world. The Spitter says, "Oh, yeah? Show them."

The Catcher turns and throws the water into the crowd.

The Better Thief

Cast: 2 Scouts

There are two scouts, they each say, "I'm the better thief."

"No I'm the better thief."

Then one says, "Wait, lets have a contest, we will walk past each other three times and who ever steals the best thing wins."

The scouts then walk past each other twice pulling out objects such as knife, watch, glasses, etc.

Finally on the third pass, the first scout says, "I've got your wallet, ha, beat that!"

The second Scout looks around nervously then says, "You've got my wallet, well in that case you would win, but ... I've got you're underwear!" And waves a pair of shorts in the air.

The Bicycle Shop

(The scene begins with three players on their hands and knees, in a row, as bicycles.)

Shop Owner: Well, there we are, three brand new bicycles all set up for sale.

Customer : (Entering) Hi. I'd like to buy a bicycle.

Shop Owner: Sure thing. Why don't you try them on for size ?

(Customer sits on the first bike and it falls down. The second is too big, while the third is too small.)

Customer : I sure like the first one, let me try it again.

Shop Owner: Why not ? (Setting up bike again) There you are, it's all set up again. (Customer sits on it, and again it falls down.)

Customer : I don't know. I really like this one but it keeps falling down. I'm afraid it's not made well enough.

Shop Owner: Our bicycles are all very well made. It was just assembled this morning, and it may need a little adjustment. Let me get some help.

(A volunteer is chosen from the audience, who is instructed to hold one 'wheel' of the now upright bicycle.)

Customer : (Sitting on the bike) That's perfect now. What was the problem ?

Shop Owner: Oh, we just need a big nut to hold it together !

Big Game Hunting

Two to four hunters talking together each says that he is packing a heavier and more powerful gun to shoot with. The first starts out with a small handgun and the last ending up with a very powerful rifle, shotgun, whatever. Two others come over who have overheard the hunter and want to settle a bet. Are the hunters going after wolves or moose. One of the hunters relies," "Why no, we are going after mosquitoes!!"

Big Itch

Cast: Guy, 4 People on lunch break
Setting: Park Bench

Guy is sitting on park bench.

Guy: I'm waiting for my girlfriend. I hope she comes soon.

(Luncher #1 sits on bench and moves him over. #2 sits on end and they move over, further pushing guy. #3 comes, and #4 comes, each in turn pushing the guy a little until he falls off. Really annoyed, he starts to scratch himself a little, then a little more then all over. Lunchers look at each other, start scratching a little bit then hurriedly leave.)

Guy: (Sitting on bench again) Works all the time!

The Bigger Jerk

A simple, one person skit that is great for those loose moments in a campfire.

Cast: 1 Person, log (or imaginary mower), "Volunteer," Victim

Person: (Groans and grunts as he's bent over carrying "heavy" mower.) Uhh. (Lets it down.) These old models, I tell you. They are so heavy, and they don't work well. Maybe I should buy a new mower this week. Well, let's get going. (Pulls rip cord to start, but it won't start. Makes appropriate sputtering noises. Tries again and again. Maybe get a "volunteer" to help. Again, no success. Get your victim to try, and on first try, it sputters to great life!) I guess it just needed a bigger jerk!

The Biggest Turkey

An alternate ending follows the regular skit.

Cast: Box or suitable covering, Person in Box, Announcer, Victim, regular and serving spoons, stick and log, paper and book, rubber chicken, small cue card
Setting: Circus, Boardwalk, Technology Show

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen! To demonstrate my enlarging machine, I will need a volunteer! (Get your victim.) I need you to help me while I explain what is going on. Now, look at what this machine can do! Please, will you put this spoon into the machine? (He does, and out comes the serving spoon, noises.) Isn't that amazing, ladies and gentlemen! Now watch. (Victim puts in stick, and log comes out.) My goodness, something to heat your home with! This is amazing! And please put in this piece of paper. (Book comes out.) Even I am amazed! (Finally, chicken is put in, and say you expect a turkey to come out. But cue card comes out.) This is amazing! The machine says that the biggest turkey of them all is right here!

An alternate ending is to complain about how slowly the machine is working, and it needs to be washed. The operator throws a small cup of water on the side, and a moment later a large bucket of water hits him.

Black Bart

There are several Black Bart skits, all revolving around the basic plot of the hero chasing Black Bart. The hero and BB come face to face. BB is cornered, building up the tension. Destroy it with the anticlimactic line of: "You get the ping pong ball and I'll get the paddles and I'll meet you in five minutes." Or "Oh, all right, Black Bart, you use that one and I'll use the one upstairs." Use the latter one when BB is trapped in some room.

The Blanket Tossing Team

This takes about six guys, who form a circle around an invisible blanket, with a small invisible guy (Bruce) who sits in the middle of the invisible blanket and gets tossed.

"We're an Olympic blanket tossing team, and Bruce in the middle here is our star blanket bouncer. We'll toss Bruce a bit just to warm up. One, two, three! One, two, three! One, two, three!"

On three each time, the team lets the pretend blanket go slack, then pull it taught. They watch the invisible Bruce go up in the air, then come down, and the gently catch him again in the blanket. Each time they toss him higher. The team has to be in sync, and they have to watch about the same spot -- the easiest way to do this is to have everyone just imitate the leader, who is the speaker.

"OK, we're all limbered up now?" The team murmurs in agreement. "Then let's toss Bruce a bit higher. One, two, three!"

Bruce comes up, and the team adjusts their position a bit to catch him as he comes down.

"One, two, three!" This wait about ten seconds, and move quite a bit to get under him. Move this way and that before finally catching him.

"One, two, three!" twenty seconds this time, almost lose track of him, adjust the position here, there, and here again.

"What? What's that you say, Bruce?" pause "Audience, you are in luck! Bruce wants to go for the world record blanket toss! Ready team? One! Two! Thu-reee!!!" A mighty toss! The team shifts positions, like trying to catch a high fly ball. "There he goes! He's past the trees! He's really up there!" pause, looking hard into the sky "Do you see him? I've lost him. Where'd he go?" another pause "Oh well." The team leaves the stage, and the program continues.

After another skit and song, and preferably in the middle of awards or announcements of some sort, "Bruce! Quick team!" The blanket tossing team runs back on stage, positions themselves this way and that, and catches Bruce. "Let's have a big hand for Bruce! Yay!!!"

Blindfold

Recruit three or four volunteers and blindfold each one. Have the volunteers stand in front of the audience and instruct them to take off anything they have on. The smart ones will remove their blindfold, but those caught up in the joke will continue to remove items. Continue with those remaining one item at a time, until it borders on indecency. Then remove the blindfold and let them in on the joke.

Bonfire

A leader begins to explain how to lay a campfire. The leader decides to use members of the audience to represent different pieces of wood. The bonfire builders bring up various volunteers. Some of the volunteers are bunched in the center for tinder with others placed for kindling with the "big" logs stacked on top of each other in increasing larger sizes. The leader then says that the fire is ready to light, strikes a match, whereupon, several accomplices yell out that its ON FIRE and dash several buckets of water on the fire.

Border Crossing

A variation on The Ghost of Midnight and The Ghost With One Black Eye.

Cast: Border Guard, Supervisor, Several Crossers, 2 Brooms

Guard: Hi, Boss! I'm new here! What do I do?

Supervisor: Well, you have to make sure that people don't try to cross the border without stopping first. You can shoot at them if you have to.

Guard: With what?

Supervisor: Well, we're out of guns, so here's a broom. People won't know the difference if you just go Bang! Bang! Bang!

Guard: OK. (He goes to the side, and someone tries to cross without stopping, so he shoots at him. The crosser falls.) Boss! Boss! It worked!

Supervisor: See? I told you. Now whenever it doesn't work, here's a pretend bayonet. If they don't fall from the fake gun, you can always try stabbing them.

Guard: OK. (He goes to the side, and someone tries to cross without stopping, so he shoots at him. It doesn't work, so he tries stabbing him. The crosser falls.) Boss! Boss! It worked!

Supervisor: See? I told you. Now go to work and don't stop until your shift is finished.

Guard: OK. (He goes to the side, and someone tries to cross without stopping, so he shoots at him. It doesn't work, so he tries stabbing him. It doesn't work either.) Boss! Boss! What do I do?

Before boss answers, crosser points a broom at the guard and goes Bang! Bang! Bang! and the guard falls.

Brain Shop

Cast: Customer, Shopkeeper
Setting: Brain Shop

Customer: Hi! I'm bored with myself. I'd like to buy a new brain and have an all new personality.

Shopkeeper: (In one of those evil, horror movie voices) Ahh, yes. Well, I can sell you this brain from Billy Crystal for $5000. Here. Try it. ("Unscrews" head and plops in pretend brain.) How do you feel?

Customer: (In Billy Crystal style voice) Marvelous. I ... feel ... marrrvelous. But I don't think it's me. Can I try another?

Shopkeeper: Okay. Let me see. (Rummages around.) Let's try this one. It's the brain from Captain Kirk. Only $5000.

Customer: (In Kirk voice) Scotty ... Can you fix those transporters? No, a bit too famous for me.

Shopkeeper: Sure. I'll go out back. (Rummages around in back of store.) Here's one from Ronald Reagan. It only costs $5000. How do you feel?

Customer: (In Ronald Reagan style voice) Wellll ... Bonzo, stop that ... I think that this one's still a bit too famous for me.

Shopkeeper: Hmmmm. A tough customer. I'll have to go down to the basement. I'll be back. (Customer comments on the kind of brains he has gotten and what kind he'll get next.) Ahhh, here we are. The best in the house, not famous at all. I guarantee you'll love it. Only $15000. (Yes ... $15000.)

Customer: (Imitates a leader in the crowd for some notorious act, such as putting up the sign and calling out "PACK!" or admonishing the kids or doing a famous routine or the like.) Hmmm ... this is good. But I recognize it. No, wait ... it's (Insert name of person.) I love it! But tell me ... the brains of those three famous people only cost $5000 apiece. This one, however, comes from a virtually unknown, unimportant person. Why does it cost $15000?

Shopkeeper: Well, it's never been used!

Brain Transplant

A group Scout goes to a new Scientific Laboratory where they have developed a new process for brain transplants. The Scouts asks to see the selection of brains. The doctor shows them a selection. (the brains may be in cans, where they look in it). The first one is marked $500.00. The scouts ask about it and are told it is the brain from a peddler. The next $1,000.00,-a policeman, 1,500.00 - a teacher, etc up to $5,000.00 for the brain of the greatest physicist in the world. The Scouts then see a container marked, $20,000.00 and ask about it. The doctor explains "It is the brain from ____________ (DE Camp Director or Leader) and has never been used!

The Briefcase

Scene: A person standing on a stage reciting a long story (or some other activity). A second person will enter at various stages and interrupt him, after which the story teller starts again.

The second person will need the following props: A briefcase, and a step ladder.

1. Person 2 walks on with a briefcase. First person asks him what he's doing.

Reply: "I'm taking my case to court". Walks off.

2. Enters again with a step ladder. Same as before, this time replying: "I'm taking my case to a higher court"

3. This time, person two places the hands of the story teller in front of him, and puts his case on them.

"I rest my case" (This one works best when the story teller doesn't know about it).

4. Final entry, without a case: "I lost my case"

This can of course be expanded. Seen in a variety show with many other things happening (mostly knock-knock jokes) in turn. Can be good when done properly.

A Brotherhood of Scouting

This skit has a Brotherhood theme, and is well-suited to the older sections (Scouts and higher) and leaders, particularly in an all-sections campfire. It is best presented near the end of the campfire, when things are winding down (and the children have settled down).

People required for the Skit: 6

Cast:
Old Man with a Staff
Spirit of the Beaver
Spirit of the Wolf Cub
Spirit of the Scout
Spirit of adventure
Spirit of the Rover
(fewer people may be used by doubling up on roles)

Skit Setup: Index cards can be used by the Spirits if there isn't time to memorize each role. (Small Flashlight recommended!)

The Old Man is inside the campfire circle, walking slowly with his staff. He is slightly hunched over with age and leans on the staff heavily.

The Scouting Spirits are evenly spaced outside the campfire circle, just far enough back not to be seen. (They should speak loud and clearly).

NOTE: When the Old Man stops each time and looks into the fire, there should be 2-3 seconds of silence before the Spirits speak.

(The memories that the Old Man says aloud should be specific to the group, so they have relevance to the audience and can feel the full impact of the skit. Consult with other leaders/ youth for ideas.)

The Skit:

OLD MAN (Shuffling slowly around the campfire). "My life has been long, too long, and my Scouting years are behind me. My friends are all gone and I am going to die alone. Old and Alone." (Stops and stares into the fire)

ALL SPIRITS: "SHARING"

SPIRIT OF THE BEAVER: "I am the Spirit of the Beaver. When you were young, I taught you Sharing and Caring for the World."

OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling slowly around the campfire). <Beaver Memory> e.g. "Beavers. I remember Beavers. Riverbanks and the Beaver Pond, making crafts to take home to Mom..." <etc.> (The Old Man stops again and stares into the fire.)

ALL SPIRITS: "A-Ke-Lah"

SPIRIT OF THE WOLF CUB: "I am the Spirit of the Wolf Cub. I taught you to do your best, I led your Pack through the forest and you lived by My Law."

OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling around the campfire). <Cub Memory> e.g. "Cubs. I remember Cubs. Hot Dog roasts in the bush, my first real camp-out, and of course the Kub Kar races..." <etc>. (The Old Man stops again and stares into the fire.)

ALL SPIRITS: "On My Honor"

SPIRIT OF THE SCOUT: "I am the Spirit of the Scout. I taught you knots and how to camp without a trace, and together we explored the land."

OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling around the circle). <Scout Memory> e.g. "Scouts. I remember Scouts. Long hikes and long camps, breaking lake ice for water in the winter. And then there was Jamboree..." <etc.> (Stops and stares into the fire.)

ALL SPIRITS: "Challenge"

SPIRIT OF ADVENTURE: "I am the Spirit of adVenture. I taught you leadership and set you free, to test your limits to the skies."

OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling around the fire). <Venturer Memory> e.g. "Oh, yes, Venturers. Attending Jamboree as a Hikemaster, leading people from around the world into the Rockies. Getting my drivers license and trying to date Rangers..." <etc.> (Stops and stares into the fire)

ALL SPIRITS: "Service"

SPIRIT OF THE ROVER: "I am the Spirit of the Rover. I led you to adulthood and self-destiny. We chose to give back the love we were given through Service."

OLD MAN (Resumes shuffling). <Rover Memory> e.g. "Rovers. I could never forget Rovers. Helping out at Dream-On, putting on District campfires. And then there were the Moots and Road trips. And camps, camps, camps." (Slows down and begins to sink to the ground. He is dying.)

ALL SPIRITS (Walk straight into the campfire circle from where they stand, if possible. They should all arrive at the Old Man's body at the same time. Wait a moment or two.)

"We are the brotherhood of Scouting". <Each section says its name in order - BEAVERS, CUBS, SCOUTS, VENTURERS, ROVERS.> "If you grow up with Scouting you are NEVER alone."

-- Thanks to Gary Nelson

The Bubble Gum on the Street

One of those skits Cubs just love and laugh at.

Cast: Kid, Dog, Basketball Player, Car, Jogger and Old Man
Setting: City Street

Kid: Blowing bubbles is just great. Watch. (Blows imaginary bubble; it pops and lands somewhere on the ground.) Hmm. Where did it go? I should look for it. (Goes around and exits, still looking for it.)

Enter dog, who stops, sniffs at gum, pees on it, and exits. Basketball player is dribbling ball when it gets stuck on the gum -- he tries to loosen it and finally does. Car drives right over it. Jogger goes by, his foot gets stuck on it; old man comes by and his cane gets stuck on it. Finally, Kid comes back.

Kid: Ahh! There's my piece of gum! (Picks it up, pops it in his mouth and continues chewing.)

The Bubble Gum in the Studios

A quick, 2-person skit you can use to fill a moment when a six or patrol isn't ready (but should be.)

Cast: Announcer, Boy
Setting: Stage

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the world famous WHEEL OF FISH! (Boy comes crawling onto stage.) I say, young man, what are you doing down there?
Boy: (Looking up) I'm looking for my bubble gum!
Announcer: Well, where did you lose it?
Boy: Backstage!
Announcer: Then why look here?
Boy: The lighting is better here!

Buffalo Stories

These are a variation of the popular elephant jokes. They can be set up with two boys for each "joke".

Cub 1: How can you tell if a buffalo is under your bedroll?
Cub 2: The ceiling of your tent is very close.

Cub 3: Did you know buffaloes are originally from Italy?
Cub 4: You mean like in the song " Oh where is the home for the buffaloes -- Rome!

Cub 5: What do you find between the hooves of buffaloes?
Cub 6: Slow buffalo hunters.

Cub 7: What do you get when you cross peanut butter with a buffalo?
Cub 8: You either get peanut butter that roams the range or a buffalo that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

Cub 9: How can you tell a buffalo from a field mouse?
Cub 10: Try to pick it up. If you can't, it's either a buffalo or a very overweight mouse.
Cub 11: How can you tell a buffalo has been in the refrigerator?
Cub 12: His hoof prints are in the jello.

Cub 13: How can you tell when there are two buffaloes in your refrigerator?
Cub 14: You can't shut the door.

Bus Driver

Cast: Several Passengers, Bus Driver, "Stinky"
Setting: Bus

Bus driver drives the bus along the route, and at each stop, more and more people get off the bus, holding their noses, telling the driver to hurry up, pushing against each other, running off the bus, until finally only Stinky and the Driver are left on the bus.

Driver: (Talking to Stinky) Hey! All my passengers left. You know anything about it? (Smells something awful.) Hmm. Something smells -- it must be you.

Did you wash this morning?
Stinky: Yes.
Driver: Hmm. Deodorant?
Stinky: Yes.
Driver: Hmm. Clean shirt?
Stinky: Yes.
Driver: Clean underwear?
Stinky: Yes.
Driver: Change your socks?
Stinky: Sure! Here are the old ones!


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