The MacScouter's Big Book of Scouts -- More Skits

Here are some new skits that came my way after the January 1997 revision of the Big Book of Skits. If you have any skits to add to this collection, please send them to me.

Table of Contents

 

Campers and Bears

Two campers are walking through the forest when they suddenly encounter a grizzly bear! The bear rears up on his hind legs and lets out a terrifying roar. They're both frozen in their tracks.

The first camper whispers, "I'm sure glad I wore my running shoes today."

"It doesn't matter what kind of shoes you're wearing, you're not gonna outrun that bear," replies the second.

"I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun YOU," he answers.

Earwash

Patrol of scouts line up facing audience. One announces that this is the Earwash Skit. Scout at end of the line drinks a glass of water. He puts his hands on his ears and shakes his head. Then he pretends to spit the water into the ear of the scout next to him. Repeat this process until the Scout at the end of the line shakes his head. This Scout spits out some water onto the ground.

This requires a scout who can hold water in his mouth and not be noticed.

-- Thanks to Bryan Tolcser, Assistant Senior Patrol Leader, Troop 522, East Schodack, New York

The Lighthouse Story

A lighthouse keeper runs in circles, pretending to run up the spiral staircase at the lighthouse, to check on the light on top. The phone rings, and he runs down the spiral staircase. He misses the phone call, and goes back up. The phone rings again and he goes down again.

The lighthouse keeper answers the phone, and finds out that he has two friends coming over to visit. He goes back up the staircase to check light. Knock on the door or a bell rings. He goes down the staircase to anwer the door. He and his friends go up to the top while he checks the light. One friend faints. The lighthouse keeper sends the other friend down to call 911. He starts to call but forgets the number and goes back up to ask. He goes back down & calls for the Doctor. He goes back up.

Door bell rings and they go down to answer the door. The doctor enters and they all go up the staircase to where the fainted friend is. The Doctor tells them the fainted friend has to go to the hospital. The pick him up and go down.

On the way out the door the friend asks what that other door is for. The lighthouse keeper says it is the elevator.

(GROAN)

-- Thanks to Ken Spiegel, Assistant Scoutmaster T209, Medford, NY

The Wide Mouthed Frog

One morning the wide mouthed frog decided to take a walk to see the world and enhance his education. As he hopped through the meadow by the pond he came upon a cow. He hopped over to the cow and said:

HELLO MRS. COW, I'M THE WIDE MOUTHED FROG, TELL ME WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BAAABIES.

The cow replied: "I feed my babies milk."

Frog: OOOOOHHH

The frog hopped further into the meadow and came upon a bird pecking in the grass. He hopped over to the bird and said:

HELLO MRS. BIRD, I'M THE WIDE MOUTHED FROG, TELL ME WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BAAABIES. The bird replied: "I feed my babies worms."

Frog: OOOOOHHH

The frog hopped further into the meadow and came upon a horse eating grass. He hopped over to the horse and said:

HELLO MRS. HORSE, I'M THE WIDE MOUTHED FROG, TELL ME WHAT DO YOU FEED YOUR BAAABIES.

The horse replied: "I feed my babies wide mouthed frogs."

Frog: oh

This works best when the person doing the frog part has a large mouth and really hams up the questions and the OOOHHH responses, opening the mouth widely while speaking. The final "oh" is done with the mouth barely open and the voice barely loud enough to be heard by the audience.

I have used this with up to seven people one for the frog and six animals, no narrator, signs around the neck or held by the persons doing the animals. A narrator can be used if you like, but that would require five people, or you could just recycle the first `animal'. Costumes would provide some added effect, or you could just dress the frog in green, and the other animals appropriately. The animals that you use need not be the ones that I used. When I have more people to work with we add more animals. Having the final animal be one that does not normally eat frogs provides more of a surprise for the audience, but in some situations I have used an animal that does eat frogs here, like when I have taught this to a group of fifth graders at a week long ecology camp where their skit is supposed to include things that they have learned during the week.

-- Thanks to Jay C Bingham, Plano, TX, ADC - Great Plains District, Circle Ten Council

Two Cannibals

I'll bet you can turn this pun into a skit!

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. Just can't seem to get them tender."

The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"

The reply, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."

"Ah, Ha!" the second cannibal replies, "No wonder--those are fryers!"

-- Thanks to Cathy Porter, Webelos Den Leader, Pack 108

The Candy Store -- Another Version

Props: Need a Scout stave, or a stick about 1" diameter x 5' long.

Pick out 2 unknowing people from the group to hold up either end of the stick about elbow high. Let them know the stick they're holding in now a counter in a candy store.

Scout #1 stands behind the stick, acts like he's working behind the counter.

Scout #2 strolls up..."Hmm...a candy store...gee, I'm hungry." Goes up to the counter.

#1: "Can I help you?"

#2: "Yea, I'd really like a Hershey bar."

#1: "Sorry, fresh out of Hershey bars."

#2: "Thanks anyway" and leaves dejected.

Repeat the above scene 3 or 4 times with different scouts, asking for different candy bars, all with the same negative response.

Finally, have all the scouts enter the "store".

#2: "Gee, mister, we asked for Hershey bars, Milky Ways, etc., and each time you said you were fresh out. Do you really have any candy in this candy store?"

#1: "Why, sure I do."

#2: "Well, what do you have?"

#1: "Well, especially for you today, right here I have TWO SUCKERS ON A STICK!"

-- Thanks to William J. Palardy

Emergency Test

A group of scouts come out and stand in a line across the stage. One, the announcer, stands in front of them.

Announcer: "This is a test."

All: Hmmmmmmmmmmm. (Or Beeeeeeeeep)

Announcer: This has been a test of the emergency warning system. This was only a test. If there had been a real emergency, we would have said... (Scouts throw hands over heads, yell "Ahhhhhh", and run helter-skelter off stage.)

-- Thanks to David Willcox, SM, T104, Urbana,IL

Joe and the Button Factory

There are umpteen zillion versions of this skit. The one that I know goes like this.

Hi, my name is Joe,

And I work in a Button Factory.

I've got a wife, three kids,

And that's a lot.

One day my boss said to me,

Joe, are you busy?

I said, no. He said,

Then press this button with your right hand.

Repeat the chant, pressing buttons with left hand, right foot, left foot, knees, head, tongue, etc, until finally when the kid is gyrating wildly to the chant, and the boss asks, "are you busy", he says YES! and walks off.

 

Dr. Frank N. Stein and Igor

Here’s a cool skit I learned at Webelos Camp. One Person is the announcer, one person is Igor, one person is Dr. Frank N. Stein, and all the other people are salesmen.

Step 1. Announcer walks up and says, "We will now take you to the home of Dr. Frank N. Stein, where he is working on his latest invention, Igor."

Step 2. ( Igor is laying down) One Salesman comes and knocks on the door. Dr. Stein opens door and salesman says, " Hello, my name is ----------- and I'm selling ------------. Would you like to buy one? Dr Stein Says, " Sure I'll buy one but first come see my greatest invention, Igor. (Salesman comes inside) Dr Stein says, "This is Igor, Igor can sit, ( Igor sits) Igor can stand, (Igor stands) Igor can walk, (Igor walks to salesman) and Igor can kill. ( salesman screams and Igor shoves him off the stage)

Repeat until all salesmen are gone.

Step 3. Once all salesmen are gone Dr. Stein walks up to audience and says, "Thank you for coming to see Den\Pack ___'s skit. As you see, Igor can sit, stand, walk, and kill. (Igor shoves Dr. Stein off stage and bows.)

 

 

French Restaurant

This skit is best done with older scouts because its rather complicated, and even better if the volunteer is an unknowing new adult leader. It always gets big laughs from everyone involved.

Props needed: two chairs, two glasses of water

Cast: at least three people

For this skit set two chairs facing each other and have a Scout pretend to be opening a French restaurant. He should describe the restaurant, telling the audience all the things he has for the grand opening, a kitchen, the food, chairs, etc. The Scout then realizes that he forgot an important part of the restaurant: the table. He then asks for a volunteer from the audience to come be the table. He then has the volunteer get down on his hands and knees between the chairs as the table. The owner then exclaims, "I can now open the restaurant."

The two people then walk on stage and sit down at the table. The owner asks the guests if they know what they want and the guests say no, so the owner offers to bring them some water while they decide. When the owner comes back with the water he sets it on the table (audience volunteer) and the guests tell him they are ready to order. The guests then order all types of non-French food (hamburgers, spaghetti, pizza). Upon them doing this the owner gets very upset, arguing that they cannot eat that at his restaurant, as they can order only French food. This goes on for a couple of minutes, the guests ordering non-French food and the owner saying they cannot have it. Finally the guests get up and upset, tell the owner they are leaving for McDonalds, and leave. The owner then turns to the audience and tells them that he hopes they enjoyed the skit, and exits, too. This leaves only the audience volunteer, who, with two cups full of water on his back, cannot go anywhere!

 

Top Secret Mission

Scout 1 ( to audience) " Me and my partner are just taking off in our airplane on a top secret mission.

Scout 2 ( Checking Everything ) Brakes?

Scout 1: Check

Scout 2: Speed?

Scout 1: Check

Scout 2: Oxygen?

Scout 1: Check

Scout 2: Gas

Scout 1: Terrible, it's been bothering me all day.

(This one went over well with out troop - 1st Port Elgin Troop "B" Port Elgin , Ontario, Canada (we are a country troop) )

 

Country Scouts in the Big City

Two scouts enter campfire circle

#1 Hi, we are country scouts, and this is our first trip to the big city.

#2 Hey, (looking around) did you ever see such big buildings?

#1 & # 2 ham it up, describing all the things they see, stores, statues, offices, traffic, etc. Gee, we don't have anything like this in the country.

Finally #1 stops, looks down, and says "Gee, I wonder what that is for? (He points to a round circle on the ground) - draw one if necessary.

#2 - Oh, I know what that is for, watch me ...

Scouts turn around, and then announce in a loud voice "Some time latter!"

#2 is jumping up and down on the round circle, yelling "21" each time he jumps. #1 is watching, smiling.

#3 comes up, obviously a city scout ..

#3 - Hey what are you guys doing?

#2 - Oh, we are from the country, and this is our first trip to the city. We didn't know it could be this much fun to visit the city.

#3 For crying out loud, guy, you are standing in the middle of the street jumping up and down!

#1 Yeah, but it is fun.

#3 But you'll be hit by a car. You country guys need a lesson about the city!

#2 Aw, come on, try it, it is fun "21" "21" "21"

#3 Not me guy ..

#1 Aw, come on, try it, it really is fun.

#3 steps onto the circle and does a little hop mumbling "21"

#2 No, you've got to really put yourself into it - climbs back on, and jumps again "21"

#3 Oh, OK, I'll show you guys that anything you country scouts can do, we city scouts can do better ... Steps back on the circle, takes a big jump and yells "21"

At this point #1 and #2 whisk away the manhole cover (circle) and #3 screams and falls to the ground, rolling away.

#1 and #2 put the circle back.

#1 climbs back on. OK, my turn now. Hey, this is really fun. "22" "22" "22" .....

 

Another CPR Skit

This is a skit that I have done a couple of times in the past few years. Scouter Bill Palmer - 1st Port Elgin, 15th Juan de Fuca Scouts in Victoria, B.C.

One person is laying on the floor. Two other people walk up. First person: "Hey this guy is hurt." he goes and checks his heart beat. First person: "No heart beat, help me do CPR" Second person goes down and starts pumping on the chest and the first guy does the mouth blows.

Do this for a little while.

Second person: "I'm getting kind of tired here I think it is time to switch."

First person: "Ok, ready"

At this point the person on the ground gets up, one of the other people goes down and they start doing CPR again.

There you go, this is a good skit to do with leaders.

 

The Rough Riders

Who: 4 Rough Riders (North, South, East, West) [probably older scouts], two campers

Works well at a campfire and when it's dark outside. Produces great surround sound ("From the North!", "From the South!"...)

Camper 1: Well, we only have room for one person in the tent. You want to sleep inside the tent?

Camper 2: No thanks. You can.

Camper 1: All right... Good night. [gets inside tent, both get in sleeping bags and go to sleep]

[we hear cries from the shadows and from their respective directions, in order, NOT in unison]

North: From the North!

South: From the South!

East: From the East!

West: From the West!

Rough Riders [then in unison]: We are... the Rough Riders!!! [the four run in and make-believe that they are all beating up on the camper outside for a few seconds, then leave suddenly] Camper 2: Hey Camper1, can I please come inside. These four guys came in and b---

Camper 1: Oh, come on, you were only dreaming. Go back to sleep. [Camper 2 lies back down but doesn't go to sleep, being afraid] [The Rough Riders call out again and repeat the same sequence] Camper 2: Camper1, can I _PLEASE_ sleep in the tent. Those four came out ag---

Camper 1: All right, all right. [reluctantly] Camper 2: [let's out quiet "Yes!"]

[They trade places]

[Rough Riders come out again but North stops them suddenly before they are about to come down on the Camper 1 outside] North: Wait... Hold on a sec, I think we beat this poor guy up enough, let's get the one inside...

[they reach inside the tent and bring Camper 2 back outside and start, well, you know....]

-- Thanks to Michal W. Sterzycki, BSA Troop 494, North Madison, CT

 

Talking Dog

The scene opens in a restaurant where a waiter is taking a customer's order. A man walks in with a dog. Upon seeing the dog a conversation begins between the agitated waiter and the man.

Waiter: "Hey! You can't bring that dog in here."

Man: "You don't understand sir, this is no ordinary dog. This is a talking dog."

The waiter looks very skeptical.

Waiter: "I'm sorry sir, but the dog will have to go."

Man: "I'll tell you what. If I can prove that my dog can talk, Will you let him stay?"

Reluctantly the Waiter agrees.

The man gets his dog's attention and begins to ask him three questions.

Man: "What is on top of a house?"

Dog: (barking)"Roof"

Man: "What is the opposite of smooth?"

Dog: (barking)"Ruff"

Man: "Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?"

Dog: (barking)"Ruth"

The waiter is furious and throws the man and his dog out of the restaurant.

The man and his dog are sitting on the curb outside the restaurant when the dog turns to the man.

Dog: "Who should I have said, Joe DiMaggio?"

-- Thanks to Mark R. Bohrer, CM Pack 517, SA Troop 99, Lawrenceville GA

 

THE YELLOW BANDANA

Actors: 1 magician, 1 volunteer

Props: 1 yellow neckerchief, 1 banana, 1 jacket, 1 shirt with front pocket

(like a Scout shirt)

The magician is on stage, with the yellow bandana and banana placed behind him (preferrably on a table, but the ground will work), in plain sight of the audience. He is wearing a shirt with a front pocket, and a jacket on top of it. Unbeknownst to the audience, he has a banana in the inside pocket of his jacket. He explains to the audience that he is about to perform a great magic trick and asks for a volunteer to help accomplish this feat.

Of course, a million hands will go up, but the person playing the part of the volunteer should jump up and down, make obnoxious "Oh, Oh, Oh" sounds, and yell in an over-enthusiastic kind of way "Pick me! Pick me!" repeatedly, until it becomes obvious to the magician that in the very least he needs to pick this person just to quiet him down somewhat. When he is chosen, he should hoop and holler and just live it up as he makes his way to the stage. Messy, sloppy dress (shirt untucked, hat on sideways, etc.) will really help him fit the part. He should also act slightly mentally challenged (i.e. slow).

When the volunteer gets on stage, the magician (after a little chat with the volunteer so the audience gets the impression that he truly is mentally challenged) should tell him to stand behind the table containing the objects mentioned before, so as to be out of the magician's view. He then explains to the audience that he will attempt to transfer the object on the table from the volunteer to his front shirt pocket. He should demonstrate that the pocket is empty to the audience. He should tell the volunteer (keeping his eyes toward the audience) that he needs to follow every instruction he is given very carefully, and that he cannot speak at all, or the magic will not work.

Now comes the fun part.

Magician: (facing the audience, but speaking to the volunteer) "Pick up the yellow BANDANA."

Volunteer: (looks confused, starts to ask a question, remembers he should not speak, so he picks up the BANANA)

Magician: (Mimicking the motion as if he had a bandana) "Now, Lay IT out flat on your left hand." (notice he never says the word BANDANA)

Volunteer: (again confused, lays the banana on his left hand)

Magician: "Take the upper left corner, and fold it to the bottom right corner."

Volunteer: (really ham this up - confused, wanting to talk, etc. - finally he takes one end of the banana and folds it over to the other. Be careful not to lose any part of it in the process!)

The magician should go through a few more steps of folding, etc., to the banana, never saying the word BANDANA in the process, with the volunteer whole-heartedly attempting to do exactly as he says.

Magician: "Finally, make a fist with your left hand, take the folded object, and stuff it inside your fist, hiding it from our view."

Volunteer: (grimaces terribly as he attempts to stuff entire banana into his fist)

Magician: "Using your other hand, wave it over the top of your fist, saying the magic words 'Ali-Sis-Koombah' three times." (the magic words can be changed as you prefer)

Volunteer: (motions) "Ali-Sis-Koombah, Ali-Sis-Koombah, Ali-Sis-Koombah."

Magician: "Ladies and gentlemen I shall now pull the object out of my pocket" (reaches into jacket pocket, pulls out BANANA, looks very suprised) "A BANANA?! What? How did that...?" (quickly turns to look at volunteer and sees the BANANA oozing out of his fingers) "I thought I told you to pick up the yellow BANDANA, not BANANA!"

Volunteer: "That's not a BANDANA, that's a neckerchief!"

NOTE: The success of this skit depends on the seriousness of the magician and the facial expressions of the volunteer.

-- Thanks to Mark Savoldi


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