The MacScouter's Big Book of Skits -- H through K

Table of Contents

The Hair Cut Machine

The cardboard box needs to be large enough for a player to poke in his head. Face the opening away from the audience. Set up a striped pole and use a few other barbershop props. The "customer" wears a tight fitting light-colored bathing cap to hide his hair and, over the cap, a long scraggly wig loose-fitting enough that he can shake it off when he needs to but well enough anchored that it won't fly off too early.

Barber is on stage. Customer enters and asks for a hair cut. Barber checks him out, announces he thinks this is a job for his brand new haircut machine, and convinces the customer to try it. Customer sticks his head into the back of the box and barber turns it on (sound effects). Customer yells, flails, flops and goes through incredible contortions, shaking off the wig in the process. Barber, unperturbed, turns off the machine. Customer pulls out "bald" head and races screaming off stage.

-- Thanks to the Leader Magazine, May 1989

Hairy Hamburger

A man sits down in a restaurant and orders a hamburger. The waiter bring out his hamburger. The man starts eating his hamburger and finds a hair in it; complains to waiter and another one is brought out. The second hamburger has a hair in it and is taken back. The third hamburger also has a hair in it. The man gets upset and demands to see the cook. The cook comes out and the man asks him how he makes his hamburgers. The cook says that all he does is roll the meat and demonstrates making patties by placing the meat under his arm and squeezes.

Harlem Globetrotters

Three scouts are doing laundry, each is sitting behind a bucket which holds his "laundry". Two of the buckets really have water and a rag or two. All three work at scrubbing and wringing water from their laundry for a few seconds. One sitting on the end shakes the water from his hands getting his neighbor slightly wet. This provokes the scout in the middle who retaliates with a splash back ... escalate in comedic fashion till the one on the end throws a wet rag at the face of the "scout" in the middle who ducks. The rag sails on till it smacks the scout on the far end (previously not involved in the water fight) in the face. The smack-ee picks up his bucket to dump on the others who take flight into the audience.

The Punch line: When the actors are in the crowd the smack-ee tosses the contents of his bucket in a wide arc over as much of the audience as possible. In the version I saw the bucket was filled with pieces of newspaper but in a Scouting setting a bucket full of leaves would work just a well. If the actors have a little talent and practice this can be extremely funny.

Have You Seen my Belly Button?

Cast: Dog owner, Passengers on bus, stuffed animal
Setting: City Bus

Owner goes around on the bus asking people if they've seen his Belly Button. Some ignore him, women gasp, people are horrified, some respond, "The nerve of him!" "How crude!" "What a rude person!" Finally he spots the toy and exclaims,

Person: Ah! Belly Button! There you are, you bad dog!

The Heart Attack

Cast: Heart Attack Victim, 2 "Rescuers"
Setting: City Street

HAV is walking down the street and all of a sudden, he falls to the ground, holding his chest. Two men come up and seeing this, they begin CPR.

#1: Mister! (Claps hands.) Hmm. Check for breathing! I'll check for a pulse! (nothing) We need to do CPR. Give AR!
#2: (Does two breaths)
#1: (Pumping chest, counting aloud) 1,2,3,4....15! Again!

(Repeats 3 times; then checks; then.)

#1: Okay -- check for breathing, and I'll check for a pulse! (They check.)
Nothing! Switch!
All THREE, including victim, switch places!

Heaven's Gate

You can get your favorite leader or friend with this one.

Need: 5 or more scouts (1 is an announcer, 1 is an Angel).

Announcer: Here we are at the Gates of Heaven.
Scout 1: (Walks up to angel at gate) Hello, I see I've come to Heaven.
Angel: Well, you're not in yet ! First you've got to tell me how you suffered on Earth.
Scout 1: Well, I spent a week eating camp food.
Angel: I'm sorry, you haven't suffered enough. (Scout 1 exits dejectedly.)
Scout 2: (Enters) Hi, I'm here to get into Heaven.
Angel: Fine, fine. And how have you suffered ?
Scout 2: I went on a long hike and got blisters all over my feet.
Angel: Sorry. That's not enough suffering to get into Heaven. (Scout 2 exits)
Scout 3: (Enters) Can I get into Heaven ?
Angel: How did you suffer ?
Scout 3: I'm in (Pick someone's name who can take a joke) (troop/pack/six/class, etc.)
Angel: Well, come on in !!

-- From The U.S. Scouting Service Project

Herman, The Trained Flea

The trainer has a flea various tricks, when suddenly he loses Herman, his trained flea. He searches around for Herman, calling for him, eventually a person is brought forward with a flea in his hair. The punch line is, "This isn't Herman!"

Hiccup for Me

A boy comes out and says something like, "Hic - I can't - Hic - get rid of these Hic-ups". Another person comes out and asks what wrong. He is told and yells "BOO!" to help the boy get rid of his hiccups. It didn't work. Several more people try various methods to get rid of the hiccups and they are fail. Last method is tried and seems to work, but just as he leaves the stage starts hiccuping again, so he falls to the floor in despair.

The Highest Tree climber in the World

Again, this can be a 2-person skit.

Cast: 2 Friends, HTCITW
Setting: Campfire

Tree climber is hidden in the woods and is able to ruffle a bush or tree.

1: You know, they say there's this really good tree climber trying out for the Olympics. I wonder if he's practicing around here?
2: Call out and see!
1: Hey! Tree Climber! You around here?
Climber: Yep!
1: You practicing?
Climber: Yep!
1: How high are you?
Climber: Oh, not high. About 100 feet.
1: Wow! Can you go higher?
Climber: Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 200 feet.
1: Fantastic! Can you go higher?
Climber: Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 275 feet.
1: Neato! Can you go higher?
Climber: Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 325 feet.
1: Great! Can you go higher?
Climber: Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 400 feet.
1: Gee! I'm amazed!
2: Excuse me, Sir, but I have a book here that says that the highest tree in the world is only 360 feet high!
Climber: Ahhhhhh!!!!!! (Thump!)

A Hot Meal!

This one is just too gross. Don't read this one while eating lunch!

Version 1:

Cast: 3 Lost Campers
Setting: Woods

#1: Boy, am I hungry! We haven't eaten in days!
#2: Me too.
#3: And I would just love a hot meal.
#1: (Looking to ground) Wow! A rabbit! Jump it! (#1 & 2 jump it and catch it; they start to eat it.)
#2: (Looking back at #3) Would you like some?
#3: No thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.
#1: Suit yourself.

(A little later)
#2: Hey! A squirrel! Get it!
(#1 & 2 get it and start tearing it apart)
#1: (To #3) Would you like a morsel?
#3: No thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.

(A little later)
#1: Wow! A moose!
#2: Be very quiet. (#1 & 2 jump it and kill it; they start eating it)
#1: Look, there's plenty here, we don't need to keep it all to ourselves, even if we did get this without your help. There's too much to eat anyway. Want any?
#3: No thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.
#2: Are you sure? You haven't eaten anything for even longer than us two.
#3: No thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.

(After a while,)
#1: Boy, I'm stuffed.
#2: Me too. But I think I'm getting sick. (Throws up.)
#1: I'm sick, too. (Throws up.)
#3: Wow! A hot meal!

Version 2:
Cast: 5 People, Cabby
Setting: Outside of Restaurant

#1: Boy, what a meal. I really gorged myself.
#2: Me too.
#3: Eating that much makes it hard to walk. Let's get a cab.
#4: Agreed.
#5: Taxi!

(They all get in.)

Cabby: Get ready for a good ride, boys.

The cabby pantomimes driving, going along like a race driver, swerving from side to side, up and down hills, does a real roller coaster ride. Sort of like my driving, if you've experienced it. The people swerve left to right with the driver, all hanging on to dear life and lunch, until they all throw up.

Cabby: Wow! A five course meal!

How do I do That?

There are roughly 255 quintillion quazillion variations of this skit out on the market, including robbers, suicide pills, car crashes and so on. You may more commonly know this one as "Veech Boton?" I'll give you the version I learned and the only non-rancid version I've seen yet. [This is also similar to "Submarine Patrol" here in the Big Book.]

Version 1:

Cast: 5 Guys kneeling in line (1st is captain, last is dummy)
Setting: Submarine

Captain: (Looking through periscope) Aim torpedo 1!
2: Aim torpedo 1!
3: Aim torpedo 1!
4: Aim torpedo 1!
5: How do I do that?
4: How do I do that?
3: How do I do that?
2: How do I do that?
Captain: With button 1!

And so on down the line.

5: Oh! (Presses button 1.) (Poof!)
Captain: Ahch! We missed!

And so on down the line.

Captain: Fire torpedo 2!

And so on down the line, after which is, "How do I do that?" "With button 2!" on down the line. Continue down through to torpedo 4 (or 5 or however many,) each time the captain becoming more frustrated and annoyed and calling the guy names etc. Each exclamation, for the best effect, should be repeated down the line. Finally, they run out of torpedoes and then...

Captain: The only thing left to do now is to kill myself (shoots himself.)

And so on down the line.

5: How do I do that?

Version 2:

Same kind of situation, but this time it's a bunch of garbage collectors, racing their truck down their route.

Driver: Okay! Try the first one! (They miss.)

Others: Darn! Next time we'll get it right! (And so on at every stop.)

Finally...

Driver: Well, guys, we missed all of the garbage stops. I guess the only honorable thing to do is to pick up the garbage properly! (And they do.)

How Indians Tell Time at Night

The Master of Ceremonies announces that the next skit as, "How Indians tell time in the dark". He recruits a few scout to dance (Indian style) around the campfire fire and Indian chanting at the same time. The MC stops and says "listen" hearing nothing he says this is not working. He then recruits more volunteers, dance sing chant, etc. He stops the group to listen, (still nothing). He gets even more volunteers, repeat dance, sing chant, the final time when he stops the group to listen someone from offstage yells: "Would you be quiet! Don't you know its 2:00 o'clock in the morning?"

How to Make the Team

Two boys, one eats vegetables, exercises, ballerate (ballet & karate), runs (gets a kid to chase him home-school bully). The other kid eats candy bars, plays baseball with guys. First guy (vegetable eater) makes the team and the other kid doesn't. The other kid says; "What did I do wrong? Whaaa ! ! !"

How to Wash An Elephant

Before introducing this stunt, choose three people to leave the room. They should not overhear the narrator. Narrator explains to audience that the stunt is called "How to Wash an Elephant", a classic example in communications. He tells the following story and pantomimes the motions as he goes.

Narrator: One morning, Farmer Friendly went out to the barn to begin his chores (pantomime walking). He threw open the barn door, and to his surprise, he found an elephant in his barn (pantomime throwing open door, surprise). The farmer didn't know what to do with the elephant so he decided that the first thing to do was to wash it. He led the elephant from the barn (pick up the elephant's trunk and walking with it over your shoulder, open and close barn door). He left the elephant near the pump, got a bucket and scrub brush and pumped the bucket full of water (pantomime the actions). Now he was ready to begin. First he scrubbed the left side (lift up elephant's ear and wash that). Then he was ready for the stomach (lie down on floor; wriggle under elephant and scrub underside). Next, the right side (repeat actions as for left side). Then he scrubbed the elephant's face (pantomime scrubbing between eyes and down length of trunk). Almost done (walk to rear of the elephant, gingerly lift up tail and quickly scrub there). There, that's done! (Pantomime throwing out rest of water, putting the brush in bucket and setting bucket beside pump. Take the elephant by his trunk and lead him back to the barn, open door, lead him in, go out and shut door behind.)

Narrator tells audience he will call people back in, one by one, and pantomime the stunt, without benefit of narrative. The first person will do what he remembers for the second person, and so on. He will, of course, have no idea what the motions mean, so it can be very funny. By the time the actions are pantomimed for the third person, it will be distorted and bear little resemblance to the original version.

After all three have tried their luck, the narrator explains the story and tells them what they were doing.

I Gotta Go Wee

Five guys sleeping in a tent, all in a row. The scoutmaster on one end, the little scout on the other.

The little scout climbs over all the other sleeping scouts, who try to remain asleep, and shakes the scoutmaster. "Scoutmaster! Scoutmaster! I gotta go wee!"

"Huh? Wha? Go back to sleep." The little scout crawls back over everyone and goes back to sleep for 5 seconds.

The little scout climbs over all the other sleeping scouts, who try to remain asleep, and shakes the scoutmaster. "Scoutmaster! Scoutmaster! I gotta go wee!"

"Huh? Wha? Go back to sleep." The little scout crawls back over everyone and goes back to sleep for 5 seconds.

The little scout climbs over all the other sleeping scouts, who try to remain asleep, and shakes the scoutmaster. "Scoutmaster! Scoutmaster! I gotta go wee!"

"OK! OK!", says the scoutmaster, "If you've gotta go, then go."

The little scout stands up and waves his hands in the air: "Weee!!!!"

-- Thanks to Bob Jenkins

Igor

No props are needed, although the actors can make up bits of costumes that emphasize their roles. The evil professor can wear a long white lab coat. Some rehearsal is wise, to get the most out of each performance.

A large Scout lies stiffly in the middle of the stage. The Professor enters and introduces himself, giving a very Russian-sounding name. He boasts about his great abilities and how he will prove that he is the greatest scientist in the world. He has created a monster named Igor, who can obey three different commands! With these commands, the Professor will control the world.

The Professor is interrupted by a loud knock on the door (from off-stage). A Scout enters, trying to sell a subscription to home delivery of the local newspaper. The Professor refuses, but the Scout persists. The Professor turns to the audience and says, "Now you will see what I can do with my monster!"

He turns and points to Igor and says, "Igor! Stand!" Igor slowly stands up. The Professor says, "Igor! Walk!" Igor stiffly walks toward the Scout.

He says, "Igor! Kill!" Igor reaches out and strangles the Scout, who dies with a great show of anguish.

"Ha! Ha!" says the Professor, "Now you see what I have achieved! Now you know that I can control the world with Igor and my three commands!" Igor slowly goes back and lies down.

The scene is repeated at least twice more, with a Girl Scout selling cookies, a religious zealot, a vote-seeking politician, or a door-to-door salesman. Each time, the Professor boasts, he is interrupted by a persistent salesman, and he uses the three commands. Each salesman is killed off.

The Professor finally comes to the front of the stage, with Igor lying among the bodies behind him. He boasts again about his three commands, and how he will use them to control the world. All he has to do is say, "Igor! Stand!" Igor stands.

"Igor! Walk!" Igor walks toward the Professor, who does not notice him.

"Igor! Kill!" Igor kills the Professor, turns, and lies back down.

I'm Gonna Get You!

Cast: Murderer, BUTTER knife, Jar of peanut butter, Sleeping Family Members
Setting: In House at Night When All Are Asleep

Thief is looking around the house, with a flashlight perhaps and holding the BUTTER knife (anything else would be overkill, and dangerous) and is always saying, "I'm gonna get you!" in a way that COULD suggest he's trying to find the members to kill them in their sleep. Be CAREFUL to only make references that are VERY vague. He goes around in the different rooms of the house, sometimes saying, "Not here," perhaps in reference to sleeping people. Finally,

Murderer: Ahh! They sure do keep the peanut butter in a crazy place in this house! (Starts to enjoy the PB using the butter knife.)

I'm Russian!

One of those skits that may be inappropriate.

Cast: 4 Russians, 1 Person late for work

All actors come out one at a time, using Russian accents except the last person.

#1: (Comes out) I'm Russian!
#2: I'm Russian! Thank you! (Bows.)
#3: I'm Russian! Qvestions?
#4: I'm Russian!
#5: I'm late for work and I'm rushin' too!

The Important Papers

The setting can be either a king or a boss in his office who beckons to a courtier or assistant that he wants his royal or important papers. The person runs in with a sheath of papers, the king or boss quite agitated tosses them aside and demands that they bring him his important papers. Other people bring in other things one at a time such as a Boy Scout Handbook etc. the king throws them aside and gets more and more upset demanding that he have his important papers. At last the some one comes in with a roll of toilet paper (court jester, office boy etc.). The king knights him or the boss promotes him thanking him profusely and runs off the stage in visible relief.

The Important Meeting

Scene: Six to eight players sit around a table scattered with papers, a couple of water glasses, etc. They mime a discussion, some jotting down notes, etc.

Enter the narrator, outfitted as a news reporter. In confidential tones, the reporter explains that this is an important meeting of the group committee, gathered on this occasion to make some very important decisions.

As the narrator says something like, "Let's see if we can get a bit closer to hear how things are going", the group at the table add some mumbling and unintelligible arguing to their mime. Occasionally, they punctuate the din with outbursts such as, "No, no!"; "I disagree!"; "That's better"; "No way!"; "That might work" and the like.

Finally, the hubbub dies, the group settles back. One member stands and announces, "Then it's decided; a 12-slice pizza with olives, mushrooms, lots of cheese, but hold the pepperoni."

All: Agreed!

In the Furniture Store

You need a furniture store salesman and a customer who knows what is happening. Before the salesman can sell anything, he needs stock. Call for volunteers from the audience: four to lie down to make the rug; three to crouch as the couch; one or two chairs; a lamp; and most important, one good natured fellow to get down on all fours as the coffee table. When all are ready, a customer enters and asks to see a couch. The salesman shows him the furniture, extolling its high quality and low price. He pays particular attention to the coffee table: beautiful, sturdy, mark and mar-proof, etc.

The customer shows some interest. The salesman pats and wiggles the coffee table to show how firm and steady it is, then picks up a cup (empty) and says something like, "See this cup of water? Pretend it's coffee. When it sits on this table, you know it will never spill!" He places the cup between the shoulder blades of the coffee table and jiggles it gently. "See!" The customer says he'll think about it and leaves. The dejected salesman dismisses all the furniture except the coffee table and leaves. The coffee table tries to figure out how he will get up without spilling what he thinks is a cup of water all over himself. Cheer him on!

The Infantry

A variation of the Viper.

A scout runs in to a camp of soldiers yelling "The infantry is coming! The infantry is five miles away!" The soldiers look up, mumble, and act nervous.

A scout runs into the camp of soldiers yelling "The infantry is coming! The infantry is one mile away!" The soldiers stand up and start gathering their gear.

A scout runs into the camp of soldiers yelling "The infantry is coming! They're just over the hill!" All the soldiers scream and run away, opposite direction that the scout came from.

Two people run in from the direction the scouts came from, carrying an infant tree. They run after the soldiers.

-- Thanks to Bob Jenkins

Version 2:

Cast: 3-4 People, Person carrying a sapling

#1: (Runs in) The Infantry is coming! Go to the bomb shelters!
#2: (A moment later, runs in) The Infantry is coming! Save yourselves!
#3: (A moment later, runs in) The Infantry is coming! Let's help them!
#4: (A moment later, runs in) The Infantry is coming! Let's watch the tanks!
(A moment later)
Person: And here it is, the Infant Tree.

The Injury

One person is laying on the floor. Two other people walk up.

First person: "Hey this guy is hurt." he goes and checks his heart beat.

First person: "No heart beat, help me do CPR"

Second person goes down and starts pumping on the chest and the first guy does the mouth blows. Do this for a little while.

Second person: "I'm getting kind of tired here I think it is time to switch."

First person: "OK, ready"

At this point the person on the ground gets up, one of the other people goes down and they start doing CPR again.

There you go, this is a good skit to do with leaders.

-- Thanks to Chris Hennessy

The Inspection

Cast: Leader, 3-4 Kids in messy uniforms, missing hats, inside out, not tucked in, and so on, and One Kid in perfect, full uniform

Setting: Meeting Hall

Leader: Troop! (Does the sign.) Line up for inspection.

Kid in perfect uniform is at end of line. Leader checks each one, says "Hmm," at each one, writes down something. Gets to last kid.

Leader: Johnny! You're in perfect uniform! How many times will it take for you to get it right! You make the others look bad!

Intelligence

Two ditch diggers are digging a ditch when their boss walks by and then just stands around. One digger turns to the other and ask why they have to do all the work, while the boss gets paid more. The other man does not know and suggest the he go ask the boss. He then asks the boss, who explains its "intelligence". The worker asks "what do you mean?. The boss says "let me demonstrate it to you" whereupon he puts his hand against a tree and tells the worker to hit his hand as hard as he can. When the worker tries, the boss pulls his hand away, and the worker hits the tree instead. The boss says, "You see that's intelligence, now go back to work!". When he returns to the ditch, the other man asks him what the answer is. The injured worker explains its "inteelgence". He explains to the other worker by putting his hand on the front of his own face and says: "See this hand, hit it as hard as you can!"

In the Furniture Store

You need a furniture store salesman and a customer who knows what is happening. Before the salesman can sell anything, he needs stock. Call for volunteers from the audience: four to lie down to make the rug; three to crouch as the couch; one or two chairs; a lamp; and most important, one good natured fellow to get down on all fours as the coffee table. When all are ready, a customer enters and asks to see a couch. The salesman shows him the furniture, extolling its high quality and low price. He pays particular attention to the coffee table: beautiful, sturdy, mark and mar-proof, etc.

The customer shows some interest. The salesman pats and wiggles the coffee table to show how firm and steady it is, then picks up a cup (empty) and says something like, "See this cup of water? Pretend it's coffee. When it sits on this table, you know it will never spill!" He places the cup between the shoulder blades of the coffee table and jiggles it gently. "See!" The customer says he'll think about it and leaves. The dejected salesman dismisses all the furniture except the coffee table and leaves. The coffee table tries to figure out how he will get up without spilling what he thinks is a cup of water all over himself. Cheer him on! ---

-- Thanks to the Leader Magazine, January 1990

The Invisible Bench

Need: 4 (or more) scouts .

First boy is squatting as though sitting on an invisible bench. The second boy comes in and asks what the first is doing.

"I'm sitting on the invisible bench."
"Can I join you?"
"Sure, there's plenty of room."
Second boy pretends to sit.
A third boy comes along, and the scene repeats.
Go on for as many boys as you want.
When the last boy comes along, asks and is answered, he says "But I moved it over there this morning!"
AAAAHHHHHH!!!! All seated boys fall down.

-- Thanks to Richard A Quinnell, Pack 609 Monterey Bay Area Council

Is a Train Passing Today?

Otherwise known as "Is The Train Comin'?" in the Leader Magazine. One of those skits rarely done yet quite funny if done right.

Cast: Grandma, Grandpa
Setting: Train Station

Grandma: (In old voice) Grandpa, is a train passing from the south today?
Grandpa: (Hobbles over to station, checks the schedule, looks to the south, returns, and in an old voice,) No, Grandma.
Grandma: Grandpa, is a train passing from the north today?
Grandpa: (Hobbles over to station, checks the schedule, looks to the north, returns.) No, Grandma.
Grandma: Grandpa, is a train passing from the east today?
Grandpa: (Hobbles over to station, checks the schedule, looks to the east, returns.) No, Grandma.
Grandma: Grandpa, is a train passing from the west today?
Grandpa: (Hobbles over to station, checks the schedule, looks to the west, returns.) No, Grandma.
Grandma: Good. We can cross the tracks now.

Is Captain Kidd Afraid of Himself?

Cast: Captain Kidd, Other people walking by, Mirror
Setting: Street

C.K.: I'm the roughest, toughest, meanest, ugliest pirate to roam the seas. Watch this. (Tries to scare first man walking by.)

Man: I'm not scared of you!

C.K. keeps on trying to scare people going to work ("Late for work!") walking the dog (Dog runs up and starts to play with C.K.) kids (they laugh, "Hey! Halloween isn't till next month!") and so on. Finally, he's quite dismayed.

C.K.: Hmm. Maybe I'm not so scary after all. Maybe I should go into movies. (Looks at himself in the mirror.) Ahhh! (Runs away scared.)

Is It Time Yet?

Version 1:

Have several boys standing in a line (facing the audience) with one arm on the next boys shoulder. The first boy in line looks at the second and asks the second boy, "IS it time yet?" The second boy asks the third boy the same question and so on down the line. The boy at the end of the line looks at his watch and says to the boy next to him, "No, its not time yet," and this continues on up the line to the first boy in the line again with each boy saying it in turn. This can continue a couple times; then when it gets to the last boy, he says, "It's time!" and when the message gets back to the first boy each boy moves his arm from the other's shoulder and puts his other arm on the boy next to him.

Version 2:

Line of 5-8 Scouts standing with left foot crossed over right, right arm crossed over left.
First Scout in line asks: "IS IT TIME YET?" -
Second Scout asks third, etc down the line.
Last Scout says: "NO"
Word is passed back to the first Scout, one Scout at a time.
After a lonnnnnnnng pause, First Scout asks: "IS IT TIME YET?"
It goes down the line as before.
Last Scout says: "NO"
Again and the word is passed back.
Another long pause...............
First Scout asks again: "IS IT TIME YET?" etc and,
Last Scout says: "YES" the answer is passed back. Just after the first Scout gets the word, they all change to right foot over left and left arm over right.

Version 3:

Text from Best of Leader Magazine Cut Out pages:

Six to ten players sit in a line facing the audience, legs stretched out in front of them, left leg crossed over right at the ankle. The player at one end asks the one beside him, "Is it time yet?" The question passes from person to person down the line. The last player looks at his watch and tells the person beside him, "No, not yet." The reply passes from player to player back up the line to the first person. Players send question and answer up and down the line three or four times, each time becoming more and more impatient and fidgety. Finally, the end player replies, "Yes, it's time now." The news passes from one to another up the line to the first player who says, "Oh, thank goodness!" At this point, all the players uncross their legs and re-cross them right over left.

I Gotta Go Weee!

Cast: Patrol asleep (ie. lying down) in tent

Scout 1: Scouter, I gotta go wee!
Scouter: Go back to sleep.
Scout 1: (A little later) Scouter, I gotta go wee!
Scouter: Go back to sleep!
Other Scouts wake up and mumble, "Aw, keep quiet," "Stop whining," "You're keeping us awake," etc.

Scout 1: (A little later) Scouter, I gotta go wee!
Scouter: (Annoyed) Go back to sleep!

Other Scouts wake up and mumble, "Aw, keep quiet," "Stop whining," "You're keeping us awake," etc.) (continues once or twice more. Finally,

Scout 1: But Scouter, I really gotta go Wee!
Scouter: (Really annoyed and exasperated) Fine, Johnny, GO WEE!
Scout 1: (Sits up, starts wiggling arms and calls out,) WEEEEE! WWWEEEEEEEEEEE!

J.C. Penney

Version 1:

One Scout is standing on stage. A Second Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "Those are nice shoes. Where did you get them?" The Second Scout says, "J. C. Penny [J.C. Penny is a department store in the USA.] " and walks off.

A Third Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "That's a nice shirt. Where did you get it?" The Third Scout says, "J. C. Penny" and walks off.

A Fourth Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "That's a nice pair of pants. Where did you get them?" The Fourth Scout says, "J. C. Penny" and walks off.

A Sixth Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "That's a nice hat. Where did you get it?" The Sixth Scout says, "J. C. Penny" and walks off.

A Seventh Scout walks up wearing only a towel. The First Scout says, "Who are you?" The Seventh Scout says, "I'm J. C. Penny."

Version 2:

Cast: Person standing on street, 3 Friends passing by, JC Penny in underwear/swim suit only
Setting: Street Corner

Remember that all of the friends come from the same side of the stage, and leave on the same other side (ie. all are walking in the same direction.)

Person: Hey, Frank! Nice to see you! Hey, I like those shoes! Where'd you get them?

Frank: JC Penney! Look, I gotta run! Bye!

Another friend comes up.

Person: John! Nice shirt! Where did you get it?

John: JC Penney! Real nice clothes! See you!

Another friend shows up.

Person: Steve! Hey! The pants! I love 'em. Where'd you get 'em?

Steve: JC Penney! Bye!

JC Penney comes running through.

Person: Hey! Who are you? Why are you running around like that?

JC: I'm JC Penney! I'm trying to get my clothes back!

Join the Army!

Cast: Army Recruiter, Trainees
Setting: Gymnasium

Recruiter: (To audience) Join the army and learn some great skills! You can become rough and tough like me! For instance, you can learn wrestling! (Two trainees wrestle on the floor) And how about judo! (Trainees do a judo flip) And Tai-Chi! (Trainees do Tai-Chi moves.) And my personal favorite, Karate! (Tries a Karate chop on a trainee; trainee blocks it, recruiter hurts himself and runs away crying.)

Joke Teller

A patrol of scouts are sitting around the campfire, eating their dinner. Every once in a while an older scout will yell out a number and all of the scout will laugh hysterically. All except one new scout who just looks around. Finally after three or four numbers have been yelled he the new scout ask his patrol leader about what is going on. The Patrol leader explains that at some camps they got in trouble for the jokes they told so they memorized the jokes. Each member just says a number in order to tell a joke. The Patrol leader gives the new scout a book of jokes to learn. The new scout finds a joke and yells "52". Nothing happens. He asks the patrol leader why no one laughed. The patrol leader says: "Some guys just don't know how to tell a joke!"

Jumbo Burgers

Cast: 2 People, Radio Voice
Setting: Park

#1: Boy, what a lunch! Those Jumbo Burgers were really strange -- but good. I wonder why they wouldn't tell us what kind of meat was in it?

#2: Oh, you know, they tell that, then people will expect the kinds of spices and other ingredients they put in and they'll lose their secret recipe.

#1: You're right. But I'm still curious.

#2: Yeah, but forget it. Maybe we'll go back tomorrow and have another. Let's turn on the radio.

Radio Voice: Jumbo the Elephant from Lodge's traveling circus died last night during a performance from a heart attack. And for this week's "Poor Taste" award, given to restaurants for serving poor quality food, goes to Richi's Burger House. It appears that they have been serving "Jumbo Burgers" whose origins seem to be a little vague .... (Guys realize what they ate and start to throw up.)

The Jump

One of those exceptionally good skits that is known out there but strangely is rarely ever done; always a hit. (Probably any good joke makes an exceptional skit; the key is not repeating it too often.)

Cast: Reporter, Doctor, Bus driver, Pilot, Mechanic, Cook, Tax Consultant (and/or just about whoever you need -- the only constant is the Reporter.)

Setting: Cliff

Reporter: I haven't had a single story in weeks, so I'm going to commit suicide by jumping off this cliff. (Swings arms to 1,2,3) One ... Two ... (Suddenly,)

Doctor: Hey! What are you doing?

Reporter: I haven't had a single story in weeks, so I'm going to commit suicide by jumping off this cliff. Why are you here?

Doctor: I haven't had a patient come to visit me in weeks. And I goofed all of the operations I've filled in for. Hey! Why don't we commit suicide together?

Reporter: That sounds great. (They swing arms to 1,2,3) One ... Two ...

Bus Driver: Hey! What are you doing?

Reporter: I haven't had a single story in weeks, so I'm going to commit suicide by jumping off this cliff.

Doctor: I haven't had a patient come to visit me in weeks. And I goofed all of the operations I've filled in for. So we're going to commit suicide by jumping off this cliff. Why are you here?

Bus Driver: I keep on having accidents with my bus, so they fired me. Hey! Why don't we commit suicide together?

Reporter and Doctor: That sounds great. (They swing arms to 1,2,3) One ... Two ...

Pilot comes in at the same time and asks what's going on -- same thing happens, he gets asked why he's here, so he says that he keeps on crashing planes. They all are about to jump when the cook comes in, and the same thing happens, and he says that he always burns the food he cooks. They all are about to jump when the tax consultant comes in and explains, the same way the others did, that he keeps giving bad tax advice and the government is jailing his customers for tax fraud. Finally, they all are about to jump, and they do -- except for the reporter who says,

Reporter: Hey! What a story!

Karate Orientale

Once done with a Pirate theme whereby instead of having a karate expert, had a pirate who was good with a sword. No change in progression or punchline, though.

Cast: Karate Expert, 3 Muggers, 1 Mugger with a gun

Expert: I now can feel safe when I walk through the park and not have to worry about muggers now that I know karate from all over the world. For instance,(mugger sneaks up to him, gets a karate chop,) Hiii-Ya! I learned that Japanese Karate Chop in Osaka, Japan. (Another mugger sneaks up.) I learned this --(flips him) -- the Chinese Mugger Flip -- in Southern China. (Yet another mugger sneaks up.) I learned the Round the World Kick, like this one (does a turn & kicks him) in Korea. So you see, I'm quite safe in the Park.

Suddenly another mugger runs in and shoots the expert dead.

Mugger: That was a shot from a .45 special I got from the Sears Catalogue!

Keep Canada Beautiful Contest

Otherwise known as "The Contest" in the Leader Magazine. Text from The Best of the Leader Cut Out Pages. You could just as easily do this as Keep America Beautiful or any other country for that matter.

Cast: 6 Cubs
Setting: Five Cubs Sitting in Their Clubhouse (indicated by appropriate signs) playing a game.

Cub 1: (Runs in, very excited) Hey, you guys! Did you hear about the big contest?
Cub 2: What contest? What's it about?
Cub 1: The "Keep Canada Beautiful Contest," that's what!
Cub 3: Are there prizes? A contest is no good without prizes.
Cub 1: Sure, lots of prizes. Neat ones like bicycles and radios, and lots of good stuff!
Cub 4: (Gloomily) I bet it's hard. Contests with neat prizes are always hard.
Cub 1: Nope! It's easy. Even the rules say it's SIMPLE -- in big letters. The winner is the one who picks the easiest way.
Cub 5: The easiest way to do what?
Cub 1: The easiest way to keep Canada Beautiful. That's what I've been talking about!
Cub 6: (With a swagger) Ha! Then I'm a cinch to win!
Cub 1: Why's it so cinchy for you? What's your great way to keep Canada beautiful?
Cub 6: (Takes out comb and combs his hair) See! That's the easiest way I know to keep Canada Beautiful.

The others look at him, then at each other. Quickly they surround him, carry or drag him to a large box marked TRASH, and dump him in.

Cub 1: Like he said, fellahs, we're a cinch to win! That's the easiest way I know to keep Canada beautiful. (they exit, laughing while Cub 6 stands up in the trash box with a disgusted look on his face.)

Knot Demonstration

A person comes out with a length of rope. He proceeds to give a knot demonstration some of which do not turn the way he expects. He has creative and imaginative names for his knots such as the double hitch back loop tie, clove hitch with a triple loop bight, etc. The last knot he ties is one that he says that a person can't loosen. The more they try to loosen the knot the more it tightens. He demonstrates a temporary version of this around his neck. He pulls on the knot when he is finishes and exclaims, "Oh no, I've tied the wrong knot, I've tied the permanent version, and leaves the stage choking.

The King's Raisins

"I am the King. Bring me my raisins!"

First squire, "Here are raisins, sire, from the hills of California!"

"Those raisins are not fit for peasants! Bring me my raisins!"

Second squire, "Here are raisins, sire, from the vineyards of France!"

The King, "They are hardly worth sneezing at. Bring me my raisins!"

Third squire ,"These raisins, sire, were hand-picked with tweezers by Benedictine Monks in Germany! "

The King, "These are the worst yet! Bring me my royal raisin supplier!"

Two guys drag in the royal raisin supplier

The King, "Why have you not brought me my raisins?"

Royal raisin supplier, "My rabbit died!"

-- Thanks to Bob Jenkins

Knot Demonstration

A person comes out with a length of rope. He proceeds to give a knot demonstration some of which do not turn the way he expects. He has creative and imaginative names for his knots such as the double hitch back loop tie, clove hitch with a triple loop bight, etc. The last knot he ties is one that he says that a person can't loosen. The more they try to loosen the knot the more it tightens. He demonstrates a temporary version of this around his neck. He pulls on the knot when he is finishes and exclaims, "Oh no, I've tied the wrong knot, I've tied the permanent version, and leaves the stage choking.

 


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