The MacScouter's Big Book of Scouts -- L through N

Table of Contents

Offensive Bus Passenger

Players are pretending that they are riding a bus. There is a bus driver and several passengers. Every time the bus stops, the passengers holds their nose, coughs, etc. looking at a specific passenger as they get off the bus. The bus driver complains to the offensive passenger that he is driving everyone off his bus. The passenger says that it isn't his fault. The driver accuses him of a peculiar smell and asks if he has taken a bath, washed his shirt, socks, feet, etc. The passenger claims that he has. Irritated the passenger pulls a pair of dirty, smelly, socks out of his back pocket, as proof.

Oh-Wa-Ta-Goo-Siam

A guru with a turban on his head comes out and sits down in the middle of the stage. Members of the audience are solicited to help bring back the ancient spirits who once inhabited the area. All are asked to kneel and with arms out-stretched, they are told to repeat the magic phrase after the guru. When ever this phrase brings enlightenment, they may return to the their seat in the audience. All sit kneeling near the guru repeating the guru's actions and words. The guru moves his arms and chants "Oh ... Wa ... Ta ... Goo ... Siam ..." All chant with him. Keep it up for a long while increasing the speed of the saying. Eventually everyone catches onto the fact that they are really saying, "Oh, what a goose I am."

The Old Gum

This skit is entirely silent.

The first person comes in, chewing gum. He blows a big bubble, it pops, he scrapes it off his face. He wads up his gum, throws it over his shoulder, and walks offstage.

Second person walks in. Halfway across stage, they stop. They've stepped in gum, it's all over their shoe. They make a face, pick the gum off their shoe, wad it up, and throw it over their shoulder.

Third person is a jogger. The gum lands in their hair. They pull the gooey gum out of their hair, it's really stuck in there, eventually they pull most of it out, wad it up, and throw it over their shoulder.

Fourth guy is walking his dog and stretching. The gum lands in his armpit. He pulls the gooey gum out from his armpit, wads it up, throws it on the ground. His dog pees on it.

The first guy comes back in. He bends over, picks up the gum, sniffs it, tosses it back in his mouth and starts chewing. He walks offstage.

Old Movie Scene

Run through a short movie scene. Use jerky motions, flashlight flicker, etc. Just as the scene is about to end, the narrator says, "Oh no! Something's wrong; it's going backwards!" Then run through the whole scene backwards. Keep the scene short to only a minute or two.

Old Socks

A group of scouts approach a scout and smell a foul odor. After some carrying on, the scouts determine it smells like old socks. One scouts says: "Good Grief, when is that last time you washed your socks? The Scout replies: "1959". The other scout says" "goodness, you mean you have not washed your socks in 35 years!" The Scout says " what are you talking about?" The other scout says: "You said you hadn't washed you socks since 1959". The Scout with a big grin says: "well what the big deal its only 2100 hours now!"

The Olde Lighthouse

See "The Lighthouse" in this Big Book.

Cast: Storyteller, Person with Flashlight, 4 "Girders" who are collaborators, 4Victims

Person with flashlight is the lighthouse -- he holds it on his head and turns around so the light turns around to act like a lighthouse -- also, he occasionally booms out a foghorn.

Storyteller: There once was this lighthouse that did a very fine job of being a lighthouse. It turned around all the time and gave a nice beam of light. It even had a foghorn in it. (Foghorn....) So it was a very fine lighthouse indeed. But after many years of fine service and many more storms, it began to be a little shaky in the wind. (Lighthouse begins to wobble.) So what the authorities did was to put in four girders to support the lighthouse so that it would give many more years of fine service. (Bring in your girders and place them around the lighthouse, facing outwards and bent over on a 45 degree angle, with arms stretched out. Lighthouse promptly becomes straight again, still continuing to turn.) And it indeed did do that. It stood straight for many long years until again storms caused it to be shaky in the wind. (Wobbles again.) So the port authorities again tried to get the lighthouse to become straight again. They figured boulders around the bottoms of the girders would do a great job, so they placed boulders there. (Place your victims in a crouching position, facing in toward the lighthouse, underneath the outstretched arms of the girders.) And once more, the lighthouse was straight. And it remained so for many, many years. During the first storm the lighthouse had to endure after the boulders were placed, the authorities watched to make sure that the lighthouse survived. They saw the rain coming close; they heard the wind; the water began to rise; and the waves came crashing in on the boulders (Girders start hitting the boulders' behinds.)

Olympic Drama

Have den line up on stage. One scout steps forward and announces that this is the first international exhibition of a new Olympic event. This is the cue for the rest of the scouts to grin as wide as possible. The narrator announces that this was the Standing Broad Grin.

OOOOOO A Bug!

Have a huge wag of chewing gum (or homemade modeling clay), green and black, lying on a plate in the middle of a table on the stage. First boy walks in, looks at the table and comments on how gross the bug is. Other boys come in one at a time commenting on how terrible the bug looks, that someone needs to step on it, not sure if it's dead etc. The last boy comes in asking if anyone has seen his gum, sees the gum on the plate and tells the other boys never mind picks up the gum and pretends to put it in his mouth and walks away. The other boys comment on how disgusting and sickening that was.

The Operation

By setting up a white sheet and using a light behind it, a hospital operation can be silhouetted onto the sheet, which is set up like a screen. Ham it up with humorous dialogue, occasionally throwing a peeled tomato or a piece of raw liver or spurt of ketchup out to the audience. A good creative imagination would be an asset here.

The Outhouse in the Yangtze River

You need: A boy to be the Chinese father, and three or four more boys to be his children.

The father starts out alone and calls his children to come to him. He is very angry. They all line up behind him.

Father: "As you know, someone has pushed the outhouse into the river.(To first son) Was it you?"

First Son: "No Father!"

Father: (To second son) "Did you push the outhouse into the river?"

Second son: "No Father!" He asks all of them, and they all say no.

Father: "In America, George Washington chopped down his Father's cherry tree. He told his Father 'I can not tell a lie'. When his Father heard this, he did not punish him, but he honored him for telling the truth." Now can someone tell me who did this?"

Second son: "I cannot tell a lie either Father. It was me!"

Father: "Why you little!" He runs up and starts strangling his son. Other sons try to keep him off.

Second son: Father! Why are you punishing me when I told you the truth? You said George Washington did not get punished!."

Father: "George Washington's Father was not in the tree!!"

All exit

Note: Some may find this offensive (Mainly Chinese people)You can use a scoutmaster and boys and have "Who pushed the latrine into the lake" or something like that.--

Thanks to Chris Whong of Boy Scout Troop 763, Wheaton, MD

The Outhouse Sketch

Father Indian lines up his three sons. "One of you pushed outhouse over cliff, two nights ago. Which of you did it?" "Not me" "not me!" "Not me!!!"

"Come on, I promise not to punish you. Who did it?"

"Not me!" "Not me!" "Not me!"

"Let me tell you story of great American hero, George Washington. When he was a boy, he chopped down a cherry tree. His father came to him and asked, 'George, did you chop down that cherry tree?' 'I cannot tell a lie, father, I chopped down the cherry tree,' said little George. 'You should not have done that, but since you told the truth, I will not punish you.' And George Washington grew up to be President of the United States!"

"Now I ask you. Who pushed outhouse over the cliff?"

"Not me!" "Not me!" "I cannot tell a lie, father, I pushed the outhouse over the cliff."

"!@#$%!!!" (The father beats up the son who pushed the outhouse over the cliff.)

"Why did you beat me up? When George Washington told the truth, his father did not punish him!"

"George Washington's father wasn't IN the tree when George Washington chopped it down!"

The Outlaw

I was recently on staff at Camp Birch of the 95' staff, and this was the most popular of them all we did.

This is set in the western era in the 1800's. Characters:

An Out Law, Partner, swinging doors(that squeak when opened), One person playing Wife of the Out Law, the Son of the Out Law, Camera person, Very Outgoing Director with German accent.

ANY MISSPELLINGS ARE INTENTIONAL, THIS IS HOW IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE PRONOUNCED

Director: Pleses(Places), Pleses, evedybody. Now do we haave thees down?(Be creative)
(Every one nods)
Director: Aaalrright aand aaction.
Out Law: Say there pardner, got a match.
Pardner: Yep.
Out Law: Can I have it.
Pardner: Nope.
Out Law: I think I'm gonna take it, what are YOU gonna do about it.
Pardner: I'ma gonna shootcha. (quickly pulls out gun and fires)
Out Law: (Falls to ground)
Son: Daddy, daddy. (Huddling over Out Law)
Wife: OH! MY POOR HUSBAND!(Huddling over Out Law)

Director: (in a perturbed and angry voice) Cuuuuuuuuuuut! Thaat was terrible, were do we get these aactors. Let's do it again, do eet slowwwwer / faaster / like an opra.(CHANGE WORDING AROUND EACH TIME, it will sound repetitive if you don't)

(look of question in faces)
(repeat slower)
(repeat really fast)
(repeat like opra)

The End

This skit is hilarious, you can have fun doing it and adding your own episodes onto it.

-- Thanks to Bartley Davis

Over the Cliff

The Senior patrol leader arrives with his troop and begins to admire the view from the top of the cliff, upon which they are standing. He begins to organize things and asked for various items such as food, saw, matches, water, etc. Each time another scout says begins to look in his pack and tells the SPL that he either left the item at the car or lost it on the trail. The SPL get more angry with each answer. He finally asked who brought the tent. At last a scout says he did. The SPL says "Finally, no food, water, matches, or saw, but at least we have a tent. Okay pitch the tent." The Scout says :"But... but" The SPL screams 'I said Pitch The Tent! The Scout throws the tent over the edge of the cliff!

The Page (The Skit)

Cast: The Scout Master, Assistant Scout Master, The Eagle Scout, The Life Scout, The Tenderfoot, and the Monster.
Setting: A plague has taken over the Camp. A monster is lurking a nearby forest known as "Dark Forest" home of the monster: "Yellow Fingers". The only hope is to obtain a magic potion from the old sorceress.

Scout Master: Eagle Scout, our Camp is in ruins. The plague is killing everything in out camp. The Experts give us no hope. The only way to save our camp is to obtain the magic potion from the old sorceress, who lives in the nearby Dark Forest. However, beware of the monster Yellow Fingers, who if he catches you in the Dark Forest will squeeze you to death.

Eagle Scout: Yes, Sir, I will go, anything to save the camp and for Scouts everywhere.

(The Eagle Scout leaves and you hear a struggle and a deathlike scream)

Scout Master: The Eagle Scout has failed. Life Scout, you must slay Yellow Fingers and save the Camp.

Life Scout: Yes, Sir, I will go and save our Camp, I am prepared.

(The Life Scout leaves and you hear a struggle and a deathlike scream)

Scout Master: Call for my Star Scout, He must save the camp.

Star Scout: (acting afraid) Oh, my Scout Master, I don't think I have the training or skill to go into the Dark Forest, Isn't there anyone else?

(The Star Scout leaves and you hear a struggle and a deathlike scream)

Scout Master: My Eagle Scout, my Life Scout and my Star Scout have all

failed, Now who shall do battle?

The Page: I will. I will do it for my Scout Master and the Camp.

Scout Master: But you are only a page. You have ONLY earned your TENDERFOOT. You cannot believe that you have the skills to travel through the Dark Forest.

The Page: Send me Sir, I shall kill the beast.

(The page leaves and you hear a struggle and the page returns)

The Page: Yellow Fingers is dead. Here is your magic potion to save the camp.

Scout Master: Page, how is it that my Eagle, Life and Star Scouts all failed, but you, a mere tenderfoot has saved the camp?

The Page: Its very simple -- From now on let your pages do the walking through the Yellow Fingers."

Painting the Walls

In the middle of the singing a person wearing two coats, holding a paint bucket, paint brush, and a step ladder pushes through the crowd. He excuses himself saying he is a painter and needs to do the next room. The leader asks him why he is dressed for winter. The painter replies that he was told to paint the room with two coats.

Panther Tracks

Two Scouts are walking along when they spot some interesting tracks.

Scout One - "Hey!! Look animal tracks! I wonder what kind of tracks are those?"
Scout Two - " They look like cat tracks, big cat tracks. Let's take a closer look."
Scout One - "Gee... you don't suppose these are Mountain Lion tracks, do you?
Scout Two - Down on hands and knees examining the tracks with a magnifying glass, looks up and proclaims with certainty; "No, these are definitely Panther tracks; absolutely no doubt about it".

Scout One - "How can you tell? They just look like big cat tracks to me".

Scout Two - "Its easy, you just need to be observant, look closely at the bottom of this track over here; see, there is an ant squished at the bottom. And there is one in this track over here too. The animal that made these tracks was purposely stepping on ants as he walked."

Scout One - "OK I'll buy that, its a big cat that likes to squish ants, but I still don't see how you can be so sure that it was a Panther?

Scout Two - "Why its easy, Just look at this strange pattern; (scout pointing to each track in turn) Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Dead Dead Ant, ....."

The Parachute

Two scouts "on stage" First Scout showing the other a backpack.

First Scout: This is our top of the line parachute, guaranteed to work.
Second Scout: What is this cord for?
First Scout: That's the rip cord, you pull that and the parachute opens.
Second Scout: What's this other cord for?
First Scout: That's the reserve chute, if the first one fails to open you pull that cord and the reserve chute opens.
Second Scout: What if that one fails to open.
First Scout: Bring it back and we'll give you another one, no charge.

The Party Warehouse

Cast: Warehouse Person, Store Manager, 5 Customers, Two Victims, Broomstick
Setting: Party Supplies Store

Get two victims to hold, at each end, the broomstick -- this will be your manager's store counter.

Customer #1: Hi! I'd like to buy some balloons for my daughter's birthday party.

Manager: Of course, Sir. Let me check with the back. (Calling to back of warehouse.) Do we have any balloons?

Warehouse: (Calling from back -- an accent works well, or he's hard of hearing.) Let me check. (Pause) No! No balloons!

Manager: Gee, I'm sorry, Sir. Thank you for stopping by!

Continue with each customer trying to get cakes, party favors, "Just the bottom of the line, no frills birthday party supplies," candies, games for the little darlings, hats, and so on. Each time, the Manager calls back, the warehouse person responds that he'll check, says no, and the manager apologizes. Finally,

Last Customer: I've been waiting in line here for a while and I've noticed that you don't have anything that anybody wants. What do you have for parties?

Manager: (Slowly looks at each of the victims, considering each.) Well, I do have two suckers on a stick!

Pass the Pepper

As per usual with repetition skits, the more actors the merrier up to about 6 or7.


Setting: Family Sitting at the Dinner Table, talking in a very thick Southern Drawl.

Ma: Pass the peppa, Pa.
(Goes down the line to Pa, who responds)
Pa: Here's the Black Peppa, Ma.
(Goes down the line to Ma, who responds)
Ma: No, not the Black Peppa, Pa.
(Goes down the line to Pa, who responds)
Pa: Oh. Here's the Chili Peppa, Ma.
This goes on through different kinds of Peppa ie. Banana Peppa, Jalepeno Peppa, Red Peppa, Green Peppa, and so on until,
Ma: Can't you pass the toilet peppa, Pa?

Patience, Jackass, Patience!

You can ham this up a bit, but here's the gist of it. Two scouts enter (one on all fours if conditions allow) and move across stage as the skit proceeds. One is the mule and the other is the driver. A narrator stands just offstage.

Narrator: "In the heat of the Mojave Desert, the mule driver pushes his beast toward town. Day one."

Mule: "Water, master, water!"
Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"
Narrator: "Still they drive on relentlessly. The second day. . ."
Mule: "Water, master, water!"
Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"
Narrator: "Without mercy, they push to their goal. The third day. . ."
Mule: "Water, master, water!"
Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"
Narrator: "Still far from town, they go on. The fifth day. . ."
Voice offstage: "What happened to the fourth day?"
Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"

Peanuts

Cast: policeman; three boys; police chief. (Policeman hustles scuffed looking boy up to boy sitting at the table marked CHIEF.)

Policeman: Here's a bunch of trouble- makers for you, sir.
Chief: O.K. constable. I'll deal with this. (dismisses officer, turns sternly to Boy 1.) Well, now. Why are you here?
Boy 1: (embarrassed) I threw peanuts into the lake. (Chief looks puzzled)
Chief:(sternly to Boy 2 ) Any why, then, were you brought in??
Boy 2: (defensively) I threw peanuts into the lake.(Chief scowls angrily)
Chief: (Bellows at Boy 3) And you! What have you got to say for yourself?
Boy 3: I'm Peanuts, Sir! (All exit)

Version 2:

Cast: Judge, Bailiff, 3 (or more) Scruffy Guys, Peanuts (person)
Setting: Courthouse

Judge: Order in the court! Order in the court! Bring in the first case!

Bailiff brings in a scruffy guy.

Judge: What's your problem?

#1: Duh, I like to throw Peanuts against walls! Hic!

Judge: 30 days psychiatric treatment! Next!

Bailiff brings in two more such characters, one likes to throw Peanuts out the window, into a lake, likes to hit Peanuts with a hammer and so on. Judge responds the same way and becomes increasingly bored, saying "Oh, not another," "Why do they send me all the loonies," and so on. Finally the bailiff brings in the last, really scruffy, bloodied, shirt torn, no shoes, so on.

Judge: What's your problem? (Sigh....)

Peanuts: I'm Peanuts! (Passes out.)

Version 3:

Cast: Narrator, 3 Scruffy guys, Curious Person, Peanuts
Setting: Building Roof

Narrator explains that these four guys are on the top of a building and looking over the edge.

Curious person: What are you guys looking at?
#1: I threw Peanuts over the edge of the building.
#2: I threw Peanuts over the edge of the building.
#3: I threw Peanuts over the edge of the building.
"Peanuts" comes crawling up to the top of the building.
Curious person: Who are you?
Peanuts: I'm Peanuts! (Passes out.)

Peanuts in the Lake

Each person has a handful of peanuts hidden away (except girl's peanuts which are visible), perhaps in campfire blanket pocket. All family members are present on the stage.

Cast: Girl, Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, Cousin, Aunt, Uncle, Grandmother, Friend etc. and a Bag of Peanuts.
Setting: Up at the Cottage, Lakeside Resort, Beach

Girl: Gee! I've got all these great peanuts! I want to throw some into the lake! I'll go ask Ma if I can. Ma! Can I throw peanuts in the lake?
Ma: Are peanuts biodegradable, dear?
Girl: What?
Ma: Are peanuts biodegradable? You don't want to hurt the lake.
Girl: Gee, I don't know.
Ma: Then you'd better not throw peanuts in the lake, darling.
Girl: (On the side) I'll go ask Pa.

Repeat the scene through each person. Use appropriate hamming it up and histrionics, such as "Granny always lets me do whatever I want" and a hard of hearing, senile uncle. All still ask the biodegradable question, girl occasionally responding, "Bio de what?" "Biodependable?" ("No, Biodegradable!") sometimes being told, "You go to school, don't you? Ask your teacher!" She always responds that she doesn't know and goes on to the next family member. Finally, she gives up.

Girl: Well, I guess I'd better find out what biodegradable means, and if peanuts are biodegradable. (She leaves.)

Ma: Hey gang! She's gone now! Peanuts are biodegradable! (Throw peanuts into crowd.)

Pencils

Man Wearing Cap Sideways (looking Goofy) holding pencils says, quietly: Pencils, Pencils, Pencils

People Walk by in disgust

Good Scout: Let me help you sell your Pencils
Vendor: Okay!
Good Scout: First you need to get their Attention first you must Yell "PENCILS!" Now you try it
Vendor: Quietly "pencils"
Scout: Louder
Vendor: a little louder "PEncils"
Scout: Really Loud
Vendor: Jumping up and Yelling at the top of his lungs: "P_E_N_C_I_L_S!!"
Scout: Okay, Now how much are they?
Vendor: Duh, I dunno
Scout: Say "3 for 5"
Vendor: 3-4-5
Scout: Okay are they Sharp?
Vendor: I dunno
Scout: Say Some are, Some aren't
Vendor: Some are , Some aren't
Scout: Okay if someone does not want to buy them what do you say?
Vendor: I dunno
Scout: Say If you don't someone else will
Vendor: If you don't someone else will
Scout: Good, that ought to help you have a good day!

Man enters holding magazine...

Vendor jumps up and knocks the magazine out of man's hands yelling ,"PENCILS!"
Man: Do you know how much this magazine costs?
Vendor: 3-4-5?
Man: Is the rest of your family as smart as you are?
Vendor: Some are, Some aren't
Man: Would you like me to knock your head off?
Vendor: If you don't someone else will!

Hope ya like it, quite popular in the San Joaquin area.

-- Thanks to Bill Warren, Scoutmaster Troop 515 Tracy CA

Version 2:

A sales manager is trying to teach a dumb salesman how to sell. The manager tells the trainee to listen to him carefully and he will teach him how to sell. He gives him the following instructions:

1. Hold pencils in your hand and say, "Pencils for sale." Practice saying that.
2. Next people will ask how much they are so say, "Ten cents. Three for a quarter."
3. Then they will ask what color so you tell them yellow.
4. Now they will either buy them or they won't. If they don't buy say, "If you don't, someone else will."

The manager has him repeat the instructions back and leaves him on his own. What happens is that the trainee is left on his own and starts calling out pencils for sale when another person rushing by and the trainee doesn't notice him and they collide falling to the ground. They have the following dialogue:

1. The customer asks if he knows how much the suit cost and the trainee tells him ten cents, three for a quarter.

2. The customer getting mad asks the trainee who do you think I am, to which the trainee replies, "Yellow."

3. The customer really mad says, "Do you want someone to punch you in the nose." To which the trainee replies, "If you don't, someone else will."

At this point the customer beats up the trainee salesman and they leave the stage.

Pet Shop

Cast: Customer, Shopkeeper
Setting: Pet Shop

Customer: I'd like to buy a turtle.

Shopkeeper: Well, here's one of the only three turtles I have left -- they sell real well out here but turtle shipments are few and far between.

Customer: Gee, thanks! Just the kind I was looking for, too!

Later, customer comes in with dead turtle and is a little distraught.

Customer: Look! He's dead already! How old was he?

Shopkeeper: Here, here. Let me see. Hmm. Look, having pets die on customers on the first day they buy them is bad for business, so here's a new one. No charge.

Customer: Thank you! That's so gracious of you.

Later, customer comes in with dead turtle and is more distraught.

Customer: Are you sure these turtles are okay? This one died on me too!

Shopkeeper: Let me see. Hmm. Well, here's the last of my three turtles, and though I won't get another shipment for a while, you can have it for free.

Customer: You are the nicest man I know. Thank you so much!

Later, customer comes in with dead turtle and is hysterical and crying.

Customer: What are you trying to do to me? This one died too!

Shopkeeper: Let me see this. This is bugging me too. Say. They all have scratches on the shells. Why? What were you doing with them?

Customer: (Sniffing) Well, I was only trying to give my car a turtle wax!

Pickin' Cotton

A guy is standing in the middle of the ring. Someone wanders in, stage left, carrying a boombox.

"Hey, nice radio! Where'd you get it?"

"Pickin' Cotton" and he continues wandering off stage right.

Another guy wanders in wearing a fancy shirt, stage left.

"Wow, cool shirt! Where'd you get it?"

"Pickin' Cotton" and he wanders off stage right.

Another guy wanders in wearing bright pants and fancy shoes, stage left.

"Awesome shoes, man. Where'd you get them?"

"Pickin' Cotton" and he wanders off stage right.

A guy limps in, stage left, beat up and wearing nothing except a towel wrapped around him.

"Who are you??"

"I'm Cotton!" and he limps off stage right.

-- Thanks to Bob Jenkins

Pickpocket

"Freddy Fingers and Hands Harry" meet and embrace each other. They Tell where they've been in the last few years, and as they say good-bye, one says to the other, "on you may want this." He gives back his watch. This exchange of articles continues until one hands back the other person's pair of underwear. Variation: This can also be done as a contest with one of the finalists ending up with the underwear. The other finalist looks into his pants yelps and runs off.

Pickpockets

Two friends meet and ask each how they are doing. Each reveals that he has become a pickpocket and claims to be the best pickpocket ever. They agree to find out. They back up ten steps and walk toward each other, bumping into each other as they pass.

The first person says: "Well I guess this settles it, I am the best. Look at all the stuff I got (show these items). Here is your wallet, your watch, you pocket knife, and your comb. I still have all those things, so I guess I win."

The other man says "I guess so, All I got was this! (he holds up a pair of underwear!)

-- Thanks to Merl Whitebook, Troop 1, Tulsa, Okla

Pickpockets #2

The two pickpockets decide to demonstrate how great they are upon the innocent man walking down the road. The two pickpockets bump into the innocent man, and walk past. The then show everything they got. Use your imagination.

Then the ask the audience if the saw how they did it. Audience says no, so the pickpockets say they will do it once again. Repeat the act. Ask again if the audience saw it. When they say no, agree to do it one more time.

This time the pickpockets do it in slow motion! The pickpockets bump into the innocent man, pick him up, turn him upside down, shake, and then put him down and walk off!

The two part skits can be done individually, but they are fun if done one first and then perhaps with a skit or song in between, and then the next one.

-- Thanks to Merl Whitebook, Troop 1, Tulsa, Okla

Pie in the Face

This skit requires pie plates, shaving cream, towels, 3 plastic raincoats, or something similar (i.e. plastic bags). At least five people need to be involved. There is the narrator, the three members of the pie in the face team, and the person(s) who delivers the pies to the pie in the face team. This skit works best if everyone in the skit is serious, official, and ceremonious. Ply up the ceremony and the official part of he skit.

The skit starts off with the narrator about the history of the grand art of pie throwing. He introduces the three members of the team who will receive the pie in the face. The team marches out and stands at attention.

As the narrator continues to talk a person comes out with three pies on a tray and hands them to the three members of the pie in the face team. The narrator describes the various pie in the face throws that have evolved through the centuries. In every case the person in the middle receives the pie in the face. Examples of pie throws are the classic pie in the face, the pie on the top of the head, the double pie in the face, the pies on the side of the head, and the swing, miss and hit. You can have the person in the middle change places and still get a pie in the face. The last thing that happens is that the guy in the middle who was getting all the pies in the face gets the other two members of the pie in the face team.

During all this keep the members of the pie in the face team supplied with pies. This can go on as long as you would like. Another thing is wipe off the pie in the face team faces once in a while. Be original and creative with skit.

The Pilfered Warehouse

Otherwise known as "The Empty Boxes" in the Leader Magazine. Text from The Best of the Leader Cut Out Pages.

Cast: Manager, Guard, 3 Workmen, large cardboard boxes.
Setting: Factory Gate.

Manager: (To new guard) I'm giving you the very responsible position of gate guard at this factory. Because of the lack of vigilance by your predecessors, the workers have stolen so many finished articles that the firm is heading for bankruptcy. Your duty is to ensure this is brought to an end. Do you understand?

Guard: Yes Sir. I am to stop stealing.

Manager: That's right. You can search people if necessary. Now it's up to you, and let's see some results.

Guard: Very good, Sir. (Manager leaves; guard takes post; first workman enters carrying a cloth draped box.) Just a moment. What have you got in that box?

#1: What do you mean?

Guard: What have you got in that box? It's my duty to see that no one takes stuff out of the factory.

#1: Why didn't you say? There's nothing in the box. Look! (He shows everyone the box is empty.)

Guard: Oh, well, that's all right then.

#1 leaves and #2 enters, box draped as before. Guard and workman go through routine of looking in the box. Repeat with #3. After #3 has left, the manager races in enraged.

Manager: You idiot! I hired you to stop this pilfering. You've only been here half an hour and already we're losing things!

Guard: But the only people who went out were three men with boxes. I stopped them all and they all had nothing in them.

Manager: You fool! We make boxes!

The Pirate Family

A good joke on Scouting. Of course it can be easily modified, but keep the punch line.

Cast: Pirate Parents, three or four Pirates, one or two Beavers, Cubs or Scouts in full uniform

Mom: You know, we came from a great lineage of pirates. All were really mean and ferocious. For instance, there was Long John Silver.

LJS: (Comes out) Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of Rum! Let's see if I can catch that bum!

Dad: And of course we can't forget Captain Hook.

Hook: (Comes out) Let's get that Peter Pan once and for all!

Mom: Then there was Captain Kidd that nobody was afraid of. But he was still a great pirate.

Kidd: (Comes out, looks funny) I may look funny but I'm great with a sword. (And he proves it.)

Mom & Dad: But look at us! All we had were Cubs! (Cubs walk out.)

Plane Landing

Pilot and control tower voice are located on opposite sides of the stage area. A out of sight on the pilot's side makes engine noises. Another person starts the skit by saying, "I think that there is a plane overhead."

PILOT (yelling loudly): "Pilot to control tower - "I'm coming in. Give me landing instructions!"

CONTROL TOWER (in loud monotone as if through a microphone): "Control tower to pilot - why are you yelling so loud!"

PILOT: "Pilot to control tower, pilot to control tower -- I haven't got a RADIO!"

Play Ball

The scene is set with an umpire, a catcher, a pitcher, first baseman, second baseman and third baseman. The players run out to their positions, start talking and acting like they're ready to play ball. The Umpire tells the players to play ball. Then the pitcher looks around with a worried expression and starts to cry. The catcher goes out to see what is matter and starts to cry as well. Follow the same routine with First, Second and Third Baseman. The Umpire finally asks in expiration what is the matter. The pitcher replies that they don't have a ball.

PLC Meeting

Scene: Six to eight players sit around a table scattered with papers, a couple of water glasses, etc. They mime a discussion, some jotting down notes, etc. Enter the narrator, outfitted as a news reporter. In confidential tones, the reporter explains that this is an important meeting of the Patrol Leaders Council, gathered on this occasion to make some very important decisions. As the narrator says something like, "Let's see if we can get a bit closer to hear how things are going", the group at the table add some mumbling and unintelligible arguing to their mime. Occasionally, they punctuate the din with outbursts such as, "No, no!"; "I disagree!", "That's better"; "No way!"; "That might work"; and the like. finally, the hubbub dies, the group settles back. One member stands and announces, "hen it's decided; a Large pizza with mushrooms, onions cheese, sausage and pepperoni., hold the anchovies." "All: Agreed!"

Poison Spring

One by one the boys drag on stage crying for water. Each reaches a bucket with a ladle and takes a drink, splashing some water to show there is really water in it and dies. Ham up the dying as much as you want. More than ladle may be needed so that there is plenty of water to slosh around. The next to the last person starts to drink from the bucket, when the last person comes in sees all the dead bodies and yells for the other guy to drink from the bucket, that it is poison. The last person throws the bucket in the audience which really only contains rice or confetti; only the ladles had water.

The Poor Excuses

Boy, do skits ever present variations of themselves over time, this one over but a period of a month.

Cast: Army sergeant, 3 privates
Setting: Boot Camp

The three privates are in line, side by side, listening to the sergeant's instructions.

Sergeant: (using one of those yelling voices) OK men! Listen up! We're going to do a long, hard, invigorating, uphill quick march! I don't want any weenies! Left turn! (They all turn; sergeant takes up the front.) Quick forward march!

They all begin doing a quick march (stay in place, of course.) All of a sudden, the private in back sneezes.

Sergeant: Company Halt! OK, who did that? You? (Pointing to the first private.)

Private: N-n-no Sir!

Sergeant: I said no weenies! Integrity is important! All liars die! (Shoots the private.)

Private: Oh! You shot and killed me! (Dies.)

This last scene repeats itself with some variation, but essentially it's the same.

The scene continues to repeat itself until finally,

Sergeant: Who did that? You?

Private: Y-y-yes Sir!

Sergeant: Oh, you poor darling, do you have a cold? Here, have a tissue!

Version 2:

Essentially the same, but each private, having just been asked "Any objections?" giving a leering, threatening look, gives an excuse such as "I have to take care of my aging grandmother," "I left a tap running," and so on. Each one is killed, or dismissed, according to your desires. Finally, after all are dead or dismissed, he exclaims, "Ah, good! I wasn't looking forward to this march anyway. I'll just go lie down."

Pop Commercial

Have one fellow standing, holding an unopened pop bottle, the next holding a bottle opener (or stands ready to open the container, one hand as if holding the container and the other hand raised over it), the other two doing nothing. The first guy examines the bottle real close and passes it to third guy who guzzles it, pretend or for real, and passes the empty container to the last guy. This guy looks at the empty bottle or container with a sick look on his face and then burps as loudly as he can.

Post Office / King's Royal Paper

Version 1: Post Office

Cast: Post Office Clerk, People in line, Person, a few letters and small boxes, and one wrapped box with a roll of toilet paper in it.
Setting: Post Office

Person is last in line, clerk is behind a desk, serving people, box with toilet paper

1: 5 stamps, please.
Clerk: $2.00, please.
2: My mail, please. (Clerk hands it to him.)
3: This to Albuquerque.
Clerk takes it.
4: Has my package arrived yet?
Clerk: (Checks.) No, I'm sorry Sir.

Next day, same type scenario occurs, with person 4 always last in line, always asking for his package, which hasn't arrived yet. Each day this repeats, his legs become more and more crossed, he's more fidgety, more nervous, more anxious, more desperate, till finally, on the last day he's up again.

4: (Yelling out) Has my package arrived yet?

Clerk: Yes Sir! Here it is!

4: (Relieved, tearing open the box) Thank you! Now I can go to the washroom!

Version 2: The King's Royal Paper

Essentially the same type of cast plus a guard; you also need newspaper, a notepad, scrap paper, cardboard and so on. Have servants ham it up when their head is about to be cut off.

King: I want my Royal Paper!

1: Here, Sire, The Royal Newspaper!

King: No! That's not it! Guard, Off with his head!

2: Sire! Your Royal Writing paper!

King: Fool! Off with his head!

3: Your Highness! Here is The Royal Scratch Paper!

King: (Furious) If I wanted to draw I'd have called for Crayons! Off with his head!

4: Your Grace! Here is the Royal Paper! (Hands him the toilet paper.)

King: Thank you! (Runs off to washroom.)

Potted Plant

A scout pretending to be a delivery boy comes wandering through the meeting with a potted plant which he says is for Mrs. Mergertroid. He comes back through the meeting several times each time saying, "Potted plant for Mrs. Mergetroid." Each time the potted plant gets bigger. The last time he comes in carrying a small tree. Finally the leader says there isn't any adults here, just kids. Delivery boy looks at the card and says. "Oh for heaven's sake. I've been reading it wrong, the plant is from Mrs. Mergetroid For ; Name of some one in the unit."

Presents for the Teacher

Kids bring in presents for their teacher on the first day of school. The teacher can tell what the child's parents does by the present he brings such as apples from parent's fruit stand, baker's child brings rolls, candy maker candy. The last person brings in a crudely wrapped package, with yellow liquid leaking out. The teacher tastes the liquid and states that his father must run a bottling factory. The child replies that no his dad is a dogcatcher and that it is a puppy in the package.

Prisoner

A prisoner is brought before a judge. The policeman says that he caught him red-handed. Judge asks if it is true and the prisoner says, "Well, maybe so and maybe not". The prisoner is asked if he has stolen before and he replies, "Mmmm ... now & then". Judge, impatient now, asks where he stole these things and the prisoner replies here and there. Judge tells the policeman to lock him up ! Prisoner asks when he will get out of jail. Judge smugly says, "Oh, sooner or later."

The Professor's Address

A silly fill-in for a number of dull moments.

Cast: Announcer, Professor Glitzenshiner

Announcer: Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Today I have the great honor of presenting to you Professor Gliztenshiner. Professor Gliztenshiner is a little known quack whose main field of expertise is geography. He attended Whatsamatta U. for his undergraduate degree in geographic localization; he went to Duck University for his Masters in human geography. He did his Doctorate at the Idiot Institute of Illinois on World geography, and is now on world tour addressing crowds large and small on Systems of Geography. Please, Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce Professor Gliztenshiner who will now give you his address.

Professor Glitzenshiner: My address is 1234 Pine Street. Thank you. bows)

Puppy in the Box

Props: A cardboard box, and a stuffed dog (or rabbit, etc.)

Announcer: This scene takes place on the street outside a grocery store.

(Several participants are gathered around outside the store, chatting.)

Roger : (Enters holding the box) Hi guys, would you please hold this box for me while I go into the store ? (Exits)

Martin: I wonder what's in the box ?

Gerry : I don't know, but something is leaking out !

Bob : (Rubs finger against the bottom of box, then licks finger) Hmmm, it tastes like lemon soda.

Martin: (Also rubs box and tastes finger) No. I think it's more like chicken soup.

Roger : (Returns, looks in box) Oh, you naughty puppy !

Version 2:

Cast: Owner, 1st Pedestrian, 2 Friends, box
Setting: Street Corner

Owner: (Walking up to #1) Would you hold my box? I have to go into a store for a moment.
#1: Sure! Be glad to.
#2: (Walks up.) Hey! What's in the box?
#1: I don't know. This guy comes up to me and hands it to me. Hey! It's leaking! Maybe it's ice cream and it's melting. Let's taste it. (Taste drip) Tastes like vanilla ice cream to me!
#2: (Tastes it.) Chocolate it is, my friend. Hey Joe! Try this -- what does it taste like?
Joe: (Tastes it.) Definitely pistachio.
#1: Naw! It's vanilla!
#2: I told you, it's chocolate!

Owner comes back.

#1: Mister -- what's in the box? Vanilla ice cream?
#2: Or chocolate?
Joe: It tastes like pistachio to me!
Owner: How foolish of you guys. That's my pet dog!

Guys show disgusted faces.

A Quiet Day

One player stands with his ear to a fence (an old painted sheet will work) as if listening intently. Several others enter to watch. One of them asks, "What do you hear?" "Listen!" he says dramatically. They all listen, look puzzled. Another says, "I don't hear anything. " "Listen!" first player says again. The routine repeats once or twice more. Finally, one player says with great disgust, "I don't hear anything!" "Funny," says the first player, "it's been like that all day!" Players exit.


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