The MacScouter's Big Book of Scouts -- R through S

Table of Contents

Raisin

1st Scout comes out: Gets down on all fours, pretending to be a table. 2nd Scout comes out, looks at the table and declares "Ahh, a fly, I think I'll pull it's wings off" Proceeds to pick it up, pluck the wings, put it back on the table, and walks off.. 3rd Scout comes out, looks at the fly on the table and says; "Oh, a fly with no wings, I think I'll pull it's legs off", With great precision and animation, picks up the fly, removes it's legs, and puts it back and walks off. 4th Scout comes out, looks at the fly and announces; "Say, a fly with no wings and no legs, I think I'll pull it's head off." Then proceeds as the other Scout before him. Last Scout comes out looks at the table, then carefully inspects the object with out picking it up and says very quickly "A raisin !" and quickly picks it up and eats it.

Real Thing

7-up salesmen is sent to Africa to establish a market there. He is reported missing with along with a large supply of 7-up. A search party is sent out after him. After a long search, they finally come to a village of cannibals. Questioning the cannibal chief, they find out he has been eaten.

The Chief explains: "we ate his head and drank 7-up, then we ate his arms and drank 7-up,, when we ate his legs, we drank 7-up, and then we ate his thing."

The search party puzzled asks, "why didn't you drink 7-up after eating his thing?". The Chief replies: "Don't be Silly, Things Go Better With COKE!"

Reggie and the Colonel

Characters: Reggie, big, dumb, Bermudas, high socks, safari hat, glasses, down on nose, mustache, carries gun in front of him. Colonel: short, limp, monocle, no gun, just small knapsack, has cane.

Scene: Walking in place through darkest Africa, speaking pronounced English accent.

Colonel: (excited, jumping and pointing with cane) Reggie, look... Did you see it, Reggie ?
Reggie: See what??! No, no, where, where ??
Colonel: Oh, Reggie, It was a beautiful condor, 8 foot wing span, beautiful colors.
Reggie: No. I didn't see it.
Colonel: Wish You'd pay closer attention. (They continue walking).
Colonel: Did you see it, Reggie?
Reggie: No, what?
Colonel: A spotted Zebra...Wish you'd pay closer attention.
Colonel: (later) Did you see it, Reggie?? Did you see it?
Reggie: No I missed it ... what was it?
Colonel: An ooh-aah bird.
Reggie: Ooh-aah bird. What's a ooh aah bird??
Colonel: An ooh-aah bird is a 2 pound bird that lays a 3 pound egg, like this: Ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh-aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (face lights up). (continue walking).
Reggie: Whispers to audience: Next time I'll say yes - pretend like I saw it. I'll fool him.
Colonel: Reggie, Reggie did you see it! (excited)
Reggie: I saw it, I saw it!
Colonel: Then why in heaven's name did you step in it? !!!

The Restaurant

Use plastic glasses, and have the Waiter wear an apron and carry a towel over his arm. The Waiter will need a tray for glasses of water.

Two volunteers are recruited from the audience. The get down on their hands and knees. The Announcer welcomes everybody to his restaurant, and introduces the volunteers as his tables.

Some Scouts enter and sit or kneel around one table. They call for the Waiter, and order glasses of water. They sit and talk while they are waiting. Another group of Scouts also enters, and also orders water.

The Waiter serves both groups, placing glasses on the backs of the 'tables'. The groups sit and talk as they sip their drinks, returning them to the table each time.

One or two at a time, the Scouts make their excuses, and get up and leave. "This water is terrible." "Let's go over to Joe's Bar and have another round." "Sorry, guys. I've got to be getting home."

Eventually, the tables are left alone, with the glasses of water still full on the tabletops. The Master of Ceremonies moves on to the next event.

Restaurant Minutes

The scene is two guys enter a greasy spoon type of restaurant that has a customer and a grill type cook with a stained apron. The cook says that all they have is soup and a hot dog. The first man says he will take the soup and the other man says he wants the same. The cook tells them if one wants the soup the other has to have the hot dog. The second man agrees and asks to have mustard put on the hot dog and the waiter leaves. The third asks if they steal, referring to the cook. The first man says the cook will steal your shirt off your back if he could. The first & second man get their order, the cook dropping the silverware, then wiping them off with his dirty apron. Second man tells the cook that he wanted mustard on his hot dog. The cook squeezes mustard off his apron onto the hot dog. First man says that there is a fly in his soup. The cook retrieves the fly out of the soup, squeezing it, telling the fly to spit it all back. The third man disgusted, makes a comment and walks out without his pants. His pants have been stolen.

Rise, Walk, and Kill, Igor

Cast: Dr. Mad, Igor, Bank Manager, Cable Company, Electrician
Setting: Dr. Mad's Laboratory

Dr. Mad: (Talking to crowd, with one of those sinister, horror movies voices.) I just love my new invention, Igor. He is a robot and is such a good servant. I would just love to demonstrate him to you. (Someone knocks on the door.) Ah! Here's my chance. Come in!

Manager: Hello, Sir. I've come today to talk to you about your banking. It seems your account is overdrawn by twenty million dollars.

Dr. Mad: Oh, please, come in. I would love to discuss this over coffee. But first, may I show you my newest invention? This is Igor. You see, whenever I say, Rise, Igor, he rises (Igor rises.) And if I say, Walk, Igor, he walks (Igor walks toward manager.) And should I say, Kill, Igor, he kills (Igor strangles manager, then lies down on his table.) This is so neat what I've invented. (Someone knocks on door.) Oh, someone else is at the door. Coming!

Cableman: Hello, Sir. I've come today to disconnect the cable, because you haven't paid you cable bills in 6 months.

Dr. Mad: Oh, please, come in. I would love to discuss this over coffee. But first, may I show you my newest invention? This is Igor. You see, whenever I say, Rise, Igor, he rises (Igor rises.) And if I say, Walk, Igor, he walks (Igor walks toward cableman.) And should I say, Kill, Igor, he kills (Igor strangles cableman, then lies down on his table.) I say, what an invention. (Someone knocks on door.) Oh, someone else is at the door. Coming!

Electrician: Hello, Sir. I've come today to talk about your power consumption and how to reduce it. I seems that you are often short-circuiting the system.

Dr. Mad: Oh, please, come in. I would love to discuss this over coffee. But first, may I show you my newest invention? This is Igor. You see, whenever I say, Rise, Igor, he rises (Igor rises.) And if I say, Walk, Igor, he walks (Igor walks toward electrician.) And should I say, Kill, Igor, he kills (Igor strangles electrician then lies down on his table.) Without a doubt, a great invention. (To audience again.) I am so impressed with myself and my invention. You see, all I have to do is say, Rise, Igor and he gets up (Igor Rises.) Then I just say, Walk, Igor and he walks (Igor walks to Dr. Mad.) And just by saying, Kill, Igor, I solve many problems! (Igor strangles Dr. Mad.) AHHHHHHHH!

River Run

The narrator tells the audience they are going to explore the wilderness. He sets the scene with members of his patrol. Two members are the river, (they are always moving around. The Trees, bushes remain still. The uniformed volunteers play the rocks and they in the front with their backs to the rest of the cast. The narrator walks to each person as he describes the items.) Then trees, bushes, squirrel, rabbit, etc. When you run out of members, solicit two or three volunteers to be the rocks. Sit them down in front of the rest of the scene.

Now the narrator says: "Come with us now as we explore the beautiful wilderness. Here with have these great oak trees, mixed among the giant pine trees. Next we have these rabbits and squirrel playing in the wilderness. And we find these rocks. Remnant of the very beginning of our planet, nestled here near the river bed. These are wild gooseberry bushes. Notice the berries are growing all over. Finally we come to the rushing river. Always moving, the river tumbles down the canyon, hurries through the rapids and washes up against the rocks!" (at this point the people playing the river grab buckets of water and douse the persons playing the rocks.)

Rowing

Four or more people sneak up behind the speaker and set chairs down so that "the speaker can't see them." They then begin to go through the motions of casting a line and reeling it in. After a while the audience is watching what the group is doing and then the "speaker" looks over and asks, "What are you doing?" "We're fishing!" is the reply of the fishermen, after which they go back to their motions and the speaker resumes talking. After a short time the speaker looks over and says - "But you can't fish here!" "Why not?" asks another fisherman?" Because there's no water here!" (speaker)

"Oh, well, they weren't biting anyway!" (fisherman) The fishermen then turn their chairs so that they are lined up in a single line, facing in the same direction. They go through the motions of putting their gear away, and then, acting as if they are rowing a boat, slide their chairs backwards across the stage."

Salesman

A scout begins to sell white water balloons to scouts at summer camp.: He is yelling water balloons for sale. Various customer come up to he to buy one. However they want colored balloons and the salesman only has white balloons. The salesman is very rude to them. He replies: What's the matter. These plates are the same shape as what you want only a different color." Finally one of the first customers comes back and asked to buy a balloon. The Scout hands the salesman a penny for the balloon. The Salesman stops him and says: "Hey what this, they are 10 cents!" The customer replies: "What's the matter, the coin is the same shape as the one you want, a similar size, only a different color!"

Saloon

Cast: 2 Cowboys, Sheriff, Goofball
Setting: Saloon

#1 & 2 and the sheriff are in talking to each other while goofball is polishing his gun.

#1: I'm so brave that I once faced a pit full of hissing, poisonous snakes and shot each one before I climbed out.

#2: That's nothing. I once was all alone helping all sorts of people when a flood came through town.

Sheriff: I'm really brave, that's why I'm sheriff. I once put away 20 bad guys all by myself.

(Goofball's gun fires accidentally.)

Goofball: (All three guys run off, really scared.) Gee, I was only washing my gun!

Sarge And The Private

Sarge and private walking.
Private: "I want to rest!"
Sarge: "No! we have to finish this hike keep going!"
Private: "But my feet hurt" etc. (Whining.)
Here you can be creative, add a few more excuses...
Sarge: "Absolutely NOT!!!"
Private: "Ill cry..."
Sarge: "Go ahead!"
Private: "WaaaaaaHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!"

Here Sarge gives in and they rest. Next the private wants to stop and ' take a wee' (you can always use the "Weeee!" when the Sarge finally gives in after the same Rigmarole. and next a drink, and finally food. But this is only a day hike so there is no food. After more tears, the Sarge finds a worm and the private will only eat it (on the threat of more tears) if the Sarge eats half. Of course when he finally does, the private starts bawling again and screams

Private: "You ate my half."

School's on Fire

Scout wanders through area several times holding a glass of water: When asked what he is doing, he replies that the school is on fire. Leader: How do you expect to put the fire out with a tiny glass of water?" Boy answers, "this ain't water, it's gas.

Scientific Genius

The scene is the launching pad of a large rocket which can be cut from a large piece of cardboard. There is an elaborate countdown, but the rocket fails to go off at zero. All those present inspect it and check on a number of highly-scientific-sounding devices - the supersonic sector wire; the exhaust fin fan stand; the sub-stabilizer exidizer, etc. All seem perfect. Finally the smallest boy says: "I've found the trouble. Somebody forgot to put in the fuel.

The Scout Uniform

This skit needs two Scouts, both dressed in full Scout uniform, complete with shoes, socks, neckerchief, and hat. Only a little rehearsal is needed, and it is best to ad lib as the Scouts go along. Scout #2 should demonstrate Scout#1's requests as quickly as possible, playing for the audience's response. By the end of the skit, the second Scout will be a complete mess.

Scout #1: "Good evening Scouts and parents. Tonight my associate and I will demonstrate the proper way to wear the official Boy Scout uniform for all of our mothers present, and especially for the new Scouts and their mothers."

Scout #1 reads from a list: "First, notice the lovely shade of khaki and red. See how the colors complement each other?"

Scout #2 acts as a model, posing and waving his hand in a smooth motion from hat to trousers.

"Notice the badges identifying the patrol, rank, troop number, office, and council."

Scout #2 points to each patch in succession.

"Now notice the stiff collar, the neatly sewn shirt buttons, and the absence of lint in his trouser pockets."

Scout #2 turns up the collar, pulling his neckerchief askew. He begins to unbutton his shirt, and pulls out his pants pockets, dropping the contents on the floor.

"See the neat pant cuffs, shiny leather shoes, and crumpled shirt tails."

Scout #2 lifts a pant leg (which stays up), takes off and holds up a shoe, and pulls out his shirt tails and waves them at the audience.

"Also check out the regulation hat and belt, clean undershirt, and ears."

Scout #2 takes off his hat to show and puts it back a bit lopsided. He unbuckles his belt and leaves it hanging. Then he finishes unbuttoning his shirt to show off his clean undershirt. He sticks a finger in his ear, turns it, and takes it out and inspects it.

"Finally, notice the stitched shirt cuffs, color coordinated Scout socks, and clean hands."

Scout #2 unbuttons one shirtsleeve cuff and shows it off. He takes off a sock and waves it proudly, holding it up to his shirt for comparison. Then he stuffs the sock partly into a pocket and displays his clean hands.

"Thank you ladies and gentlemen for your attention. Scouts, I expect you to wear your uniforms as proudly as my helpful assistant wears his."

Scoutmaster's Brains

A Scout goes to the trading post and asks to buy some tenderfoot brains, that'll be 25 cents. OK, (money and brains exchanged).

Narrator: six months later. Same Scout back at trading post. "I'd like to buy some second class brains." "That'll be 50 cents." OK, (as before)

Narrator: six months later I'd like to buy some first class brains - 75 cents - OK...

Narrator: a year later I'd like to buy some star brains - 1.00 - OK...

Narrator: a year later I'd like...Life brains - 1.25 - OK

Narrator: a year later I'd like... Eagle brains - 1.50 - OK

Narrator: 15 years later Same Scout goes to trading post again. "I'd like to buy some Scoutmaster's brains" "That'll be 200 dollars an ounce" "200 dollars, why so much?"

"Do you have any idea how many Scoutmaster's it takes to get an ounce of brains?"

Scoutmaster's Gift

Six or seven scouts each bring in a wrapped present. The "presents" can be anything (paper clips, envelopes, a pencil, a block of wood); The Scoutmaster (camp director) being honored stands in front of the group. Scout 1 comes up with his present (paper clips, for example) and gives it to the SM.

SM opens the package. "Oh gee, paper clips! How nice!"
Scout 1: "Oh it was nothing, Mr. Jones. My dad works in a paper clip factory."
Scout 2 comes up with his present (envelopes, for example) and gives it to the SM.
SM opens the package. "Oh boy, envelopes. Thanks, Tommy."
Scout 2: "No problem, Mr. Jones. The old man works in a stationery store."

And so on to the last one -- Last scout comes up with a box, dripping water out of the bottom, and says, "I'm sorry, Mr. Jones, but my dad works in a pet store..."

Scoutmaster's Saw

Announcer: This scene takes place in a hardware store near Camp _______ home of the oldest surviving Scoutmaster.

Scoutmaster (very old man): "My old crosscut saw is worn out, and I need something that will let me cut more wood for camp!"

Owner: "Yes, sir! For only one hundred bucks you can be the proud owner of this chain saw. I guarantee that it will cut twice as much wood in a day as your old crosscut." Scoutmaster: (Handing over money) "O.K. great!" (Exits)

Announcer: "The next day."

Scoutmaster: (Enters tiredly) "There's something wrong with this saw. I worked very hard yesterday, and only cut half as much wood."

Owner: "Well, sir, I have a lot of faith in this product. Here, I'll put a new chain on it and you give it another try."

Scoutmaster: "O.K., but if it doesn't do any better, I'll be back! You can count on that!" (Exits)

Announcer: "The next day."

Scoutmaster: (Enters exhausted) "This darned saw is no good. I worked even harder, and still it won't cut half the wood of my old saw! I want my money back!"

Owner: "Yes, sir ! Just let me check it out here." (Pulls starter rope)

Announcer: (Makes sound effects of saw running.)

Scoutmaster: "Oh, my gosh! What on earth is all that noise?"

The Screwy Navel

Cast: Story Teller, Boy, several characters such as Mom, Dad, Bro, Sis, Drunk, Repairman, Priest, Clerk, Bus Driver, and so on.

Teller: There once was a little boy who had a screw instead of a belly button, and was always curious about it. Finally one day he asks his Mom,

Boy: Mommy, why do I have a screw instead of a belly button like everyone else?

Mom: (Brushing him away,) I don't have time right now. Ask your father.

Teller: The boy goes to his father and asks him the same question.

(He asks; gets the same type of answer ("Paying the bills.") He goes around to several people in the town to whom he is referred by the last person, but always getting the same type of answer. Finally, he goes to the priest.)

Boy: Father, why do I have a screw instead of a belly button like everyone else?

Priest: My son, only God knows of such things. You should pray and ask him.

Boy: Thank you, Father. (Begins praying.) God, why do I have a screw instead of a belly button like everyone else?

Teller: All of a sudden, a big hand appears with a large screwdriver, connects with his screw, and turns. All of a sudden the boy falls down and hears,

God: The screw is there to hold you together!

Shape Up!

Cub 1: I can lift an elephant with one hand.
Cub 2: I don't believe you.
Cub 1: Give me an elephant with one hand and I'll show you.
Cub 3: I can bend bars with my bare hands.
Cub 4: Iron bars?
Cub 3: No, chocolate bars.
Cub 5: Why are you jumping up and down?
Cub 6: I took some medicine and forgot to shake well before using.

The Short Runway

Number of Participants: 2 (If more are desired, they can be passengers, with suitable sound effects and actions.)

Props: Seating for pilot and co-pilot, and for passengers if required. A compass.

Announcer: This scene is on board a very low budget airline.

Pilot : Well, are we anywhere near the airport, co-pilot ?
Co-Pilot : (peering out the window) I don't know... I see lights over there to the port. That's likely it. Bring 'er around and have a look.
Pilot : (lurching plane hard to the left) Boy, I can't tell. I wish the company would buy us some instruments.
Co-Pilot : (pulling compass from pocket) Oh, I've got my trusty compass and the sun went down about 20 minutes ago, so we've got to be on course. (Excited) Look, see that spot down there, that must be it.
Pilot : Okay, here we go. Give me 20 degrees flaps, I'm going in. (Puts plane into a nose dive, sound effects.)
Pilot : This is going to be tough. Give me more flaps, cut back the engines. (Louder) More flaps, less throttle !
Co-Pilot : (Appropriate actions and sounds, acting panicky.)
Pilot : QUICK, cut the engines, give me brakes. MORE BRAKES !
Both : (Sighs of relief) We're down, we made it !
Pilot : Boy that was a short runway !
Co-Pilot : (Looking right, then left) Yep, and wide too !

The Shrimpy Boxer

Version 1:

Cast: Announcer, big boxer, 72 pound weakling, fry pan

Announcer: Ladies and Gents! May I bring your attention to the center ring where we will have our main attraction! Little John will be fighting against a new contender, named Shrimpy! 1-2-3 Go!

They box -- Shrimpy gets hit this way, that way, is really losing until at the last moment, he throws one weak punch and Little John falls unconscious.

Announcer: 1! 2! 3! Shrimpy wins! Now let's look at that in slow motion!

Boxers get up, and the scene repeats itself slowly in slow motion, and when Shrimpy is throwing his punch, someone quickly -- and I mean unaffected by slow motion -- runs up and swings the fry pan against Little John's head.

Version 2:

Similar to the above, but it never gets to the fight. The Announcer is explaining the rules and says "We'll have none of this!" (kicks Little John in the groin) "Or this!" (breaks arm over his knee) "Or this!" (kicks in the knees) "And of course this! is prohibited!" (hits over the head with the fry pan) "Understood? Good! Go!" And of course one weak punch from Shrimpy knocks him out.

Shut Up!

Cast: Shut Up, Trouble, Police Officer, Narrator
Setting: Woods, Then a Police Station (as per narration)

Narrator: There once were a brother and sister called Shut Up and Trouble. They liked to go on walks together. (SU & T are walking through the woods.) One day, they were walking along in the woods together and Trouble got lost. (T walks off; SU looks around but can't find her.) So Shut Up went to the police station to report a missing person.

Police officer: Can I help you? What's your name?
Shut Up: Shut Up, Sir.
Police Officer: That's a bit impolite. What's your name, boy?
Shut Up: Shut Up, Sir.
Police Officer: You should watch your manners, boy. What's your name?
Shut Up: Shut Up, Sir.
Police Officer: Young man, are you looking for trouble?
Shut Up: Yes, Sir, she's lost! Do you know where she is?

The Siberian Chicken Farmer

Farmer: "Here, chick chick chick ... Here, chick chick ... chick ..."
Two military types come up behind the farmer.
Police: "Comrade! Vat are you Doink!"
Farmer: "I'm feedink my chickens"
Police: "Vat are you Feedink dem, Comrade??"
Farmer: "Corn."
Police: "Fool! There is a shortage of corn!!!"
They beat him up. Oof. Ow.
Police, dragging him away: "Three years in the work camps for you!"

Narrator: Three years later, ...
Farmer: "Here, chick chick chick ... Here, chick chick ... chick ..."
Two military types come up behind the farmer.
Farmer, standing up some: "Uh oh ..."
Police: "Comrade! Vat are you Doink!"
Farmer: "I'm feedink my chickens"
Police: "Vat are you Feedink dem, Comrade??"
Farmer: "Wheat."
Police: "Fool! There is a shortage of wheat!!!"
They beat him up. Oof. Ow.
Police, dragging him away: "Five years in the work camps for you!"

Narrator: Five years later, ...
Farmer: "Here, chick chick chick ... Here, chick chick ... chick ..."
Two military types come up behind the farmer.
Farmer, standing up some: "Uh oh ..."
Police: "Comrade! Vat are you Doink!"
Farmer: "I'm feedink my chickens"
Police: "Vat are you Feedink them, Comrade??"
Farmer: "Rubles."
Police: "Rubles? But vy are you feedink them rubles, Comrade?"
Farmer: "They can buy their own food!"

-- Thanks to Bob Jenkins

Sidewalk Climbing

Cast: 1 Sidewalk Climber. 2 - 3 Passers-by and 2 offstage personnel

Also needed: "Tools" - Climbing tools or even two tent stakes will work. Long rope

The skit begins with the "sidewalk climber" lying on his stomach on the floor. (The plastic garbage bag is used if needed to prevent splinters) The rope is tied around the climber's waist (like a safety line) and leads offstage (to the offstage personnel.)

In the climber's hands are "climbing tools" which can be anything that a climber would use to climb rocks, or even sticks, it really doesn't matter too much.

The climber simulates climbing up a rock formation by getting a good hold with his tool and pulling up (sliding across the floor), then getting a good hold with the other tool, etc....

1st Passer-by: What in the world do you think you're doing here?

Climber: "Why, I'm sidewalk climbing! It's a really dangerous hobby. It takes a lot of strength and concentration. One mistake and it's all over!" (Continues climbing)

1st Passer-by: "You're crazy!" (Passer-by walks off.)

Climber: Continues to make the climbing action across the floor.

2nd P-by: "Hey mister/lady, what ARE you doing there?"

Climber: "I'm sidewalk climbing! Not everybody can do this sport. It takes a great deal of training and strength. One slip and it's all over!"

2nd P-by: "What a nut!" (The passer-by takes one of the tools and walks off the climber now has to try to climb with only one tool - makes it look a lot harder.)

Climber: "Oh no! Thank goodness I still have THIS tool, I think I can still make it!" (Continues "climbing.")

3rd P-by: "Wow, look at this weirdo! Just what is it you think you're doing?"

Climber: "I'm SIDEWALK CLIMBING!" (Climber must grunt out the words due to the extra effort it takes to climb with only one tool.) "This is a really dangerous sport and I lost one of my climbing tools. All it takes is one wrong move and I'm in real trouble!"

3rd P-by: "This is really dumb! You're just lying on the sidewalk! There's nothing dangerous about that. Nothing will happen if you slip. Here..... I'll PROVE it to you!" (Passer-by takes the last tool out of the climber's hand.)

Climber: "Oh No!" (and tries to hang on to the tool) (Just as the tool is taken out of the climber's hand, the offstage personnel pull on the rope and pull the climber out of sight, as the climber yells "Ahhhhhhhhhh.... look what you've done now!")

3rd P-by: Looks at audience with a sheepish look on his/her face, shrugs shoulders, and quietly walks off the stage.

Singer

A guy comes on stage singing in a terrible voice. He acts pompous to a friend saying how is such a great singer. Friend says that he had better quit because of poor health, not the singers, but everyone else's.

Six Wise Travelers

The six wise travelers came to a river and discuss ways to get across. One of them sees a boy with a boat and asks him to take them across. the boy says they can use the boat, but he will not take them across. The travelers all get in the boat and it sinks. They scramble out of the river and count themselves, but do it wrong and come up short a person. This can be done more than once. They tell the boy if he can find the missing traveler they will give him a bag of gold. The boy counts them. gets it right, they give him the gold telling the boy how good he is and that maybe he will grow up to be as smart as they are. The travelers then jump in and swim across the river.

The Sleep Walker

You will need three scouts or male scout leaders and one girl scout or lady leader. You can do this with adults or youngsters, but do not mix adults and youngsters.

The scene is that three boys are chatting in a group when from the side of the stage, a young lady walks on, hands in front of her, sleep walking.

She walks up to the first boy, takes off his tie and walks off taking his tie with her.

1st boy " Hey she's pinched my tie." (another word for Pinched is stole or took)
2nd boy " It's dangerous to wake sleep walkers, don't worry shell bring it back when she wakes up."
The girl walks back and takes the second boys jacket, she walks off carrying it with her.
2nd boy "Hey she's pinched my jacket."
3rd boy "It's dangerous to wake sleep walkers, don't worry shell bring it back, when she wakes up."
The girl walks back still sleep walking, grabs the 3rd boy by the arm and walks off with him.
3rd boy "It's dangerous to wake sleep walkers, but don't worry shell bring me back when she wakes up."

-- Thanks to the Australian Scout Association

Slug Trainers

Several slug trainers bring on their trained slug and deposit it in the stage center. The slug is a person encased in a sleeping bag. On command the slug performs various trick such rolling over, leaping in the air slightly, etc. A volunteer is brought from the audience and is told that the slug is trained to crawl over the human body. The volunteer lays down and the slug crawls across him leaving a dribble of water or brown cotton balls. The trainers apologize and exclaim, "Sorry, but our slug isn't potty trained."

The Smart Scout

A young Eagle candidate is brought in for his Eagle Board of Review. He is asked if he has completed all of his required Merit Badges? The scout says, "Well, maybe so and maybe not".

The Scoutmaster asks the Scout if he has lived with scout spirit? The scout replies, "Mmmm ... now & then".

Scoutmaster, impatient now, asks if him where he did his Eagle project and the scout replies "here and there". The Scoutmaster dismisses the Scout.

The Scout asks "when will I receive my Eagle award. The Scoutmaster smugly

says, "Oh, sooner or later."

Smoke Signals

1st Scout: "Hey George, look over there, smoke signals".
2nd Scout: "Oh yes Mike, what do they say?"
1st Scout: "Help............My..........Blanket's............On ..........Fire."

The Sneeze

A line of Scouts comes on stage marching. The scout in the back sneezes. The leader turns to the second in line and asks, "did you sneeze?" The second in line says "no". The leader says, "liar" and hits the second in line. He falls to the side.

The line of Scouts continues marching. The scout in the back sneezes.

The leader turns to the new second in line and asks, "did you sneeze?"

The new second in line says "no". The leader says, "liar" and hits the second in line. He falls to the side.

This continues until there is only the leader and one other Scout. They continue marching. The other Scout sneezes. The leader turns and says, "did you sneeze?" The other Scout says, "ahhhh yea". The leader says, "gazoontight" and pats him on the back.

Soldier In the Battlefield

This skit can be played by just one person, or you can use two. A person in battle dress falls on the ground moaning that he is about to die. The orderly kneels over him frantically trying to record his name for the records. He keeps on asking his name, but he is in too much pain to bother with his name and keeps on asking for help. In desperation the orderly tells the soldier that he is dying and that he needs his name to tell his mother. The soldier reply that his mother already knows his name.

Someone Chanted Evening

Props: Blankets and rope to make Monk's Cassock.

Friar: Good morning, everyone.
Monks: Good morning.
Friar: For our Matin, we are going to practice chanting. All together now, repeat after me: (Chanting) Morning, morning, mor-or-ning.
Monks: (Rather raggedly) Morning, morning, mor-or-ning.
Friar: Not bad, but we need to get more feeling and rhythm into it. Let's try again. (A couple more attempts are made, each one better, then on the third try it sounds excellent, but one Monk chants loud and clear, "Ev-en-ning".)
Friar: Cut, Cut ! What was that ?
Brother Daniel: What's wrong, Friar ? I thought it sounded good.
Friar: (Breaking into song) Someone Chanted Evening !

Sounds of the Lost Scoutmaster

A quick 2-person skit, if the Storyteller, the Lost Scoutmaster or last minute volunteers do the sound effects.

Cast: Storyteller, Bird, Frog, Tree, Breeze, Lost Scoutmaster

Storyteller is telling the story to the campfire crowd, while the other actors, with the exception of the Lost Scoutmaster, have the option to hide in the woods, sit in the crowd, or stand beside the story teller. I suggest the first, for effect. The Lost Scoutmaster, however, must hide in the woods.

Storyteller: You know, I love camping. It's not like being in the city at all. You hear sounds that you can only hear out in the country. For instance, lots of birds. (Bird chirps a lot, sings a bird song.) Ah, isn't that lovely? And the frogs. They have one of those great sounds. (Frog calls out ribbit sounds.) And though there's breeze in the city, it's just not the same as the breeze in the country. (Light breeze being called out.) Let's face it; there are trees in the city, but how many? The breeze through a forest is so nice (Light breeze, slight swishing of the trees.) But the sound I love to hear the most when I go camping is the sound of the Lost Scoutmaster. (Heavy thumping of the feet; calls out, "Where in the world am I?")

The Sounds of the Wilderness

Four or five Scouts enter the stage (more can be accommodated) and stand facing the audience. The announcer explains to the audience, "If you listen quietly you can hear the sounds of the wilderness: the birds" (one Scout whistles a bird song, then stops).

The announcer continues: "... or the deer" (another Scout makes swishing sounds like a deer traveling through the brush, then stops).

The announcer continues: "... or the bear" (another Scout growls).

And so on, for as many Scouts has you have on stage.

Finally, the announcer says, "And if you are very, very quiet, you can hear the sound of the lost Boy Scout..." From offstage, you hear, "HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?"

-- Thanks to The Leader Magazine, November 1992

Sour Notes

The director tunes up the orchestra or chorus and they begin to make music. One by one each player hits a sour note. Each time the director gets upset and throws the player offstage. Repeat until only the accompanist and the director is left. The director then turns to the accompanist and begins a solo. The director hits a sour note and the accompanist jumps up and throws the director off stage coming back on stage with a smug look on his face, bows to the audience and exits.

Space Derby Skit.

While Cub Master is doing the pack meeting Two adults enter. They are wearing coveralls and motorcycle helmets. They carry their jet (made from an eight foot piece of Styrofoam and set it by the derby track They pay no attention to what Dan is saying..

Cub Master: " Excuse me, gentlemen, EXCUSE ME GENTLEMEN!!!"
This gets First adult's attention and he taps Second adult on the shoulder. They both turn and face Cub Master like men from Devo.
Cub Master: "What are you two trying to do?"
Both Second adult and First adult make flying motions with their arms.
Cub Master: "Oh you two think you are going flying do ya?"
Both Second adult and First adult nod their bodies yes from the waist up. They butt heads??
Cub Master: "Which one of you is the pilot?"
First adult raises his hand.
Cub Master: "What does the other guy do?"
Second adult make the sign of the cross and put his hands together to pray.
Cub Master: "Oh you pray huh? Do either of you two have any flying experience?"
First adult and Second adult pull out paper airplanes from their coveralls and fly them.
Cub Master: "Is that the only experience you have.
Both Second adult and First adult nod their bodies yes from the waist up. They butt heads??
Cub Master: "I'm afraid I am going to have to see your flying permits before I let you take off on our course."
First adult and Second adult look at each other, dig through their pockets, then look at Cubmaster and shrug.
Cub Master: "Well if you don't have any permits you know what that means don't you?"
First adult and Second adult wave good bye and pick up their airplane and leave.
Cub Master: "Yes it means good-bye and don't forget to file your flight permit before you come back.

The Special Papers

"I am King, squire, and I need you to bring me my special papers."

Bringing in some diplomatic looking things "Here are your papers, sire."

"Fool! These are not my special papers. Off with his head! Squire two, bring me my special papers! Do not fail!"

Bringing in a Wall Street Journal "Here are your special papers, sire"

"Fool! These are not my special papers. To the dungeons with him! Squire three, bring me my special papers!"

Bringing him a roll of toilet paper "Here are the special papers, sire"

"And just in time!" The king grabs the toilet paper and runs offstage.

-- Thanks to Bob Jenkins

Spelling Contest

Contestants have numbers on their shirts and the judges have badges to distinguished them from the contestants. Need a list of spelling words, toy guns (or hand if necessary) and a trophy. There are two judges and four contestants. Judge #1 asks are you ready for the annual spelling contest. The contestants say yes and Judge #2 tells them good luck and let's begin. The first contestant steps forward misses the word and is shot by the judge. Second contestant steps forward, spells the word, the judges confer, answering right. The third contestant spells the word wrong and is shot. Contestant #4 comes forward spells his word, the judges confer, say he is wrong and one raises the gun to shoot him. Contestant #4 tells the judge wait, he is sure the word is spelled right. The judges confer again, say the contestant is right and they are wrong and shoot themselves. Contestants #2 and #4 say that they guess that means they both win and walk off together with the trophy.

The Split Ball

Characters: Bud the pitcher, Bill, the reporters, Shorty the catcher, Gentleman from Australia, Other visiting gentlemen, Two flashlight operators.

Scene: Practice field. The front stage is very dimly lit. Across the back is a sheet or lightweight curtain through which a light can shine.

The success of the stunt depends on the ability of the pitcher, catcher, and flashlight operators to coordinate their movements. The pitcher pantomimes a throw. When he says, "There," a flashlight operator turns on his light and makes it shine through the screen. The light moves along the screen to resemble the flight of the ball. The catcher pretends to catch the ball, and the flashlight goes off. The movement may or may not mimic the flight of that kind of ball in a real game.

Bud comes on stage, in front of the curtain. Bill steps up to him, followed by all the visiting Gentlemen.

Bill: Hi, Bud.

Bud: Hi, Bill.
Bill: Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Bud, the greatest pitcher in America.
Bud: Oh, come on, Bill!
Bill: It's true. Bud, these gentlemen represent the world wide athletic association. They wanted to see the greatest American pitcher, so I brought them right to you.
Bud: Well, I am flattered.
Bill: This is Mr. Grossman from Australia, Mr. Blackwell from England, etc. (Add as many names and countries as you need. Each shakes hands with Bud and then steps away.)
Grossman: Excuse me, sir. We have heard about the different ways you pitch ball. Would you demonstrate a few balls for us?
Bud: Glad to. Have a seat. (points to a row of seats and they sit.)
Gentlemen: Thank you.
Bud: Shorty?
Shorty: (appearing) Yes, Bud?
Bud: What shall I start with, Bill?
Bill: Start with your fast ball.
Bud: O.K. a fast ball. There! (light darts across screen, quickly. Gentlemen cheer.)
Bill: A slow ball.
Bud: O.K. a slow ball. There! (light moves very slowly across screen. Cheer.)
Bill: A curve ball.
Bud: O.K. a curve ball. There! (light moves in a fancy curve. Cheer)
Bill: A knuckle ball.
Bud: O.K. a knuckle ball. There! (light moves in a zig zag line. Cheer.)
Bill: How about a sinker?
Bud: O.K. here comes a sinker. There! (light glides along waist- high, then drops into mitt. Cheer.)
Grossman: Pardon me sir. I have heard about your split ball. Could you please show us?
Bud: Certainly. A split ball. There! (The two flashlights start together. They seem to separate, one high, one low on the screen. Then just as they near Shorty, they come together.)

Every one cheers, pats Bud on the back as they all exit.

SPL's Too Tough To Be Tasty

Cook'm and Eat'm that is what our Troop does!

A mamma bear (or other large carnivore) enters a butcher shop. She asks the butcher what he has special today.

Storekeeper: "Road kill possum, only $.50/LB"
Mamma Bear: "No thanks what else?"
Storekeeper: "Fresh venison $1.00/LB"
Mamma Bear: "No thanks, had that last week."

Proceed through several more choices each slightly more expensive than the last. The shopper refuses each one.

Storekeeper: "How about some fresh Boy Scout, $30.00/LB"
Mamma Bear: "Thirty dollars a pound? Why so expensive?"
Storekeeper: "Did 'ya ever try to clean one?"

-- Thanks to Dan O'Canna Lexington, KY USA

Spring

Gather to the front of the group some people to be trees, birds, and babbling brooks. Then ask for a volunteer to be the most important part, the hero. When he comes to the front, have him run among the trees. Have a little narrative and then say; "Maybe the rest of you wonder when we know it's spring; that's easy, because the sap is running through the tress."

Spring is Sprung!

A one person skit that is one of my perennial favorites, and another one of those repetitive skits.

Cast: Poet, Grass, Flowers, Birds, Frogs, 3 Trees, Victim
Setting: A Poetry Reading Session

DO NOT READ THIS POEM IN ITS ENTIRETY; READ IT LINE BY LINE AS INSTRUCTED; AT EACH STOP, GET YOUR VOLUNTEERS!

Spring is sprung,
The grass is growing,
The flowers are blooming,
the birds are singing,
And the froggies are ribbitting.
The leaves on the trees are growing,
And the sap is running through the trees.

The poet is standing in front of the crowd and announces his ode to spring.

Poet: This is my latest poem, called Sp-ring is Sp-rung. (A great place to ham it up, by lengthening out all the "r" & "l" words.)

Reads out the first line and proceeds to the next -- stops at "the grass..."

Poet: Hmm. I need some grass to demonstrate. (Get "grass.") Here, do just like this (crouch down; hands over head, put together pointing up, then stand up slowly.) Now, let's start again.

Starts again, the grass grows on cue, and gets to third line -- stops after blooming.

Poet: I need at least one flower. (Get "flower.") You would be a great help. Just like the grass, only make a circle with your hands instead when you're standing up.

Starts again, grass grows, flower blooms, gets to the fourth line, just before the word "birds" and of course stops.

Poet: I need a couple of birds. (Get "birds.") On cue, you will chirp like birds, and perhaps flap your arms.

He starts again, gets to the frogs, hits his head with his hand,

Poet: I forgot the frogs. (Get "frogs.") You guys know how to jump like frogs and go "ribbitt?" Good. Remember, on cue.

Yet again, he starts from the beginning, and guess what happens when he gets to the trees? You got it, Pontiac -- he gets 3 trees, spreads them a few feet apart and instructs them to lift out their arms like tree branches, and wiggling their fingers, of course on cue.

Poet: I think I may have it right this time.

Once more from the top he goes, and BEFORE he starts the last line, he gets the victim,

Poet: Oops, I forgot the last person. (Get your victim now.) Now on cue, you will simply run back and forth between these here trees. Got it? Great.

Once more he goes through the poem and gets through it all the way.

Star Gazing

A scout walks to the center of the campfire looking up at the sky, keeping his head and neck very still. Soon he is joined by another scout and then another and so on. Each scout looks around and then begins to look toward the sky. The last scout enters and asked the scout next to him, "what are we looking at. He answers "I don't know." and then that scout asked the next until the question and get to the original scout. The original scout replies: "I don't know. I've got a stiff neck!"

St. Peter

Announcer: Here we see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

Ian : (Walks up to St. Peter) Hello, St. Peter. I see I've come to Heaven.
St. Peter: Well, you're not in yet ! First you've got to tell me how you suffered on Earth.
Ian : Well, I spent a week eating camp food.
St. Peter: I'm sorry, you haven't suffered enough. (Ian exits dejectedly.)
Doug : (Enters) Hi, I'm here to get into Heaven.
St. Peter: Fine, fine. And how have you suffered ?
Doug : I went on a long hike and got blisters all over my feet.
St. Peter: Sorry. That's not enough suffering to get into Heaven. (Doug exits)
Brad : (Enters) Can I get into Heaven ?
St. Peter: How did you suffer ?
Brad : I'm in (Pick someone's name who can take a joke) (troop/pack/six/class, etc.)
St. Peter: Well, come on in !!

The Statue Warehouse

A good alternative is to have a Museum of Working History, the last person being a window washer, and uses a pump spray. No mess.

Cast: Tour Guide, Group of Tourists (optional), 1 Victim, Statues, Aquaman Statue with mouthful of water
Setting: Statue Museum (or Warehouse of Old, Unused Statues)

Guide: Welcome to the museum of Superheroes. We have an unique collection of statues in that you can press a button and the statues come alive to imitate their real life counterparts. See here, for instance. This is Superman. Watch as I push the button on his chest.

Superman comes out of stiff standing position and takes a flying position, then resumes a stiff standing position. Guide continues through the tour, occasionally letting someone try the statues of Spiderman, the Flash, Batman, Wonderwoman, each with a different action and way of activating them (pull arm, press nose, and so on.) Finally they get to Aquaman.

Guide: Now this is our last statue; Aquaman is our pride and joy. However, it seems that sometimes it just won't activate. Better let me try first. (Pulls arm. Nothing. "Aquaman," he whispers. He tries the arm again. Nothing.) (To victim) You, Sir? Would you like to try? He's rather finicky. Maybe he'll work if you try.

Victim tries and Aquaman spits out a mouthful of water at him.

Statues in the Park

The scene opens with a statue (boy, standing still) posed as a famous statue such as The Thinker or The Discus Thrower. Another person introduces himself as Dr. Arthritic Kneecap of the University of Amputation and Mutilation. He talks about having discovered a formula to revitalize calcium deposits; even would work on this statue he says. The doctor pours the bottle on the statue and it slowly comes to life. The statue and the professor talk about being alive. The doctor then asks the statue what is the first thing you want to do. The statue says that he wants to kill 5,000 pigeons with his bare hands.

The Strange Trees

A cute play on French accents & associated puns -- a real groaner. Some sort of French accent greatly adds to the credibility of the skit. By the way, what does the C H on the Canadians' shirts mean? Center Hice!

Cast: General Montcalm, Sergeant-Major, Captain, Sergeant, Private
Setting: French base in Quebec City during Montcalm's and Wolfe's historical confrontation

General Montcalm, wanting to know what General Wolfe was up to and what his position was, decided to send out some reconnaissance.

General Montcalm: (To Sergeant-Major) Send out a Scout to see what General Wolfe's troops are p to!

Sergeant Major: (To Private) Find out what General Wolfe's troops are up to!

Private goes off, then a moment later comes limping back, injured, just barely clinging on to his life.

Sergeant Major: (To Private) What's wrong? Did you find anything about Wolfe's troops?

Private: (In raspy, dying voice) Bacon Tree! (And he dies.)

Sergeant Major: Inexperienced fool! (To Sergeant) Find out what General Wolfe's troops are up to!

Captain goes off, then a moment later comes limping back, injured, just barely clinging on to his life.

Sergeant Major: (To Sergeant) What's wrong? What's Wolfe's position?

Sergeant: (In raspy, dying voice) Bacon Tree! (And he dies.)

Sergeant Major: He obviously wasn't inconspicuous enough! (To Captain) Find out what General Wolfe's troops are up to!

Sergeant goes off, then a moment later comes limping back, injured, just barely clinging on to his life.

Sergeant Major: (To Captain) What's wrong? What's Wolfe doing?

Captain: (In raspy, dying voice) Bacon Tree! (And he dies.)

Sergeant Major: What's wrong with you people? I guess I'll have to find out what General Wolfe's troops are up to myself!

Sergeant Major goes off, then a moment later comes limping back, injured, just barely clinging on to his life.

General Montcalm: (To Sergeant Major) What's wrong? What are General Wolfe's troops up to?

Sergeant Major: (In raspy, dying voice) Bacon Tree! (And he dies.)

General Montcalm: What's this Bacon tree? I guess I'll have to find out what General Wolfe's troops are up to myself!

General Montcalm goes off, then a moment later comes limping back, injured, just barely clinging on to his life.

General Montcalm: (In a raspy, dying voice) Those fools! That was no Bacon Tree! That was a Hambush! (And he dies.)

Submarine

Get one volunteer from the audience and the den/patrol lines up sitting in a straight line with the volunteer at the end. The scout in front (Captain) looks through his periscope and yells, "Enemy Ship!" which is repeated down the line. The Captain then issues the following commands which are repeated down the line: "Fire Torpedo One!...."We Missed!"...."Fire Two!"..."We Missed!"...."Fire Three!"...."We Missed Again, You Blockhead"...."Enemy Torpedo Coming our Way!"...."We've Sprung a Leak"....as the last command is repeated the next to the last person throws hidden confetti on the last person in line; the volunteer.

Submarine Patrol

All the Scouts are standing in a line one behind the next. Each time the first boy says his line to the second boy. The second boy repeats it to the third. This continues until it reaches the last boy in the back. The boy in the back then replies. This message gets relayed to the front in a similar fashion.

First to last- Lower periscope (last boy flips a switch)
Last to first- Periscope lowered (first boy turns his hat backwards and looks through periscope)
First to last- Fire torpedo 1 (last boy flips a switch)
Last to first- Torpedo 1 away.
First to last- We missed.
Last to first- Darn!
First to last- Fire torpedo 2 (last boy flips a switch)
Last to first- Torpedo 2 away (All the boys get into a football huddle, arms interlocked)
All together- "We sunk a rowboat! We sunk a rowboat!"

Submarine Training

Another 2-person skit you can use on the spur of the moment, if you just so happen to have the props, the main ones being the raincoat and drawings.

Cast: Story teller, Victim, appropriate sound effects & Helpers, raincoat, cup of water

Storyteller: I need a volunteer to take submarine training. (Put victim under the coat and hold up an arm of the coat to use as a periscope.) Now to be a good submarine captain, you must be able to use the periscope. So let's practice a bit. Can you see the fire? How about those tents? The table? The moon? The stars? (Continue until (s)he becomes proficient.) Let's start our mission. You are the captain of this fine submarine, the S.S. Kaput. You are to bring it about on maneuvers and sink enemy ships. So here we go, in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Oh! Here comes an enemy ship to the right! Can you see him? (Show a drawing of a ship.) Blow him up! (When he fires, sink the ship.) Good going! Now turn the submarine to port, and then to starboard (Left & right.) Oh, Oh -- there's a storm brewing. (Shake him a bit.) Do you see that Island? Try to go there to seek cover. Can you see the waves? My, aren't they big? And they're crashing against the rocks! What a big storm! Can you see it? Can you see the waves? No? (Pour the water down the arm.)

The Successful Fisherman

Five or six fishermen sit on the end of the dock (chairs), casting and winding in their lines. One fisherman is catching all the fish: the others have no luck. In turn, the unlucky ones ask the successful fisherman why he's doing so well. Each time, he mumbles a reply without opening his mouth, and nobody can tell what he is saying. When the last person asks the question, the successful fisherman sighs, spits into his hand, and says, "You have to keep the worms warm."

Super Clutz

Once done at a campfire and it went smoothly. Then when it was finished, the author was exiting the stage and accidentally kicked over a lantern. Eerily appropriate, wouldn't you say?

Cast: Super Clutz, Little Kid, 3 People
Setting: City Street

Super Clutz is wearing a jacket for a cape, inside out shirt, inside out shorts, backwards hat, etc.

Little Kid: (Crying) Super Clutz! Can you help me? I've lost a quarter!

Super Clutz: OK. I'll try my best! (Walks around on streets, looking to ground for quarter.)

Man: (Calling out from burning building) Super Clutz! The building is on fire! Help Me!

Super Clutz: Sorry, I'm busy! (Walks around some more.)

Woman: (Being mugged) Help me, Super Clutz! They've taken my purse!

Super Clutz: Sorry! I'm busy! (Walks around some more.)

Man: (From wrecked car) Super Clutz! Get me out of here before the car blows up!

Super Clutz: Sorry! I'm busy!

Little kid runs up to him.

Kid: Super Klutz! I found my quarter! It was in my pocket all the time!


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