The MacScouter's Big Book of Scouts -- L through N
Players are pretending that
they are riding a bus. There is a bus driver and several passengers. Every
time the bus stops, the passengers holds their nose, coughs, etc. looking
at a specific passenger as they get off the bus. The bus driver complains
to the offensive passenger that he is driving everyone off his bus. The
passenger says that it isn't his fault. The driver accuses him of a peculiar
smell and asks if he has taken a bath, washed his shirt, socks, feet,
etc. The passenger claims that he has. Irritated the passenger pulls a
pair of dirty, smelly, socks out of his back pocket, as proof.
A guru with a turban on his
head comes out and sits down in the middle of the stage. Members of the
audience are solicited to help bring back the ancient spirits who once
inhabited the area. All are asked to kneel and with arms out-stretched,
they are told to repeat the magic phrase after the guru. When ever this
phrase brings enlightenment, they may return to the their seat in the
audience. All sit kneeling near the guru repeating the guru's actions
and words. The guru moves his arms and chants "Oh ... Wa ... Ta ... Goo
... Siam ..." All chant with him. Keep it up for a long while increasing
the speed of the saying. Eventually everyone catches onto the fact that
they are really saying, "Oh, what a goose I am."
This skit is entirely silent.
The first person comes
in, chewing gum. He blows a big bubble, it pops, he scrapes it off his
face. He wads up his gum, throws it over his shoulder, and walks offstage.
Second person walks in.
Halfway across stage, they stop. They've stepped in gum, it's all over
their shoe. They make a face, pick the gum off their shoe, wad it up,
and throw it over their shoulder.
Third person is a jogger.
The gum lands in their hair. They pull the gooey gum out of their hair,
it's really stuck in there, eventually they pull most of it out, wad
it up, and throw it over their shoulder.
Fourth guy is walking
his dog and stretching. The gum lands in his armpit. He pulls the gooey
gum out from his armpit, wads it up, throws it on the ground. His dog
pees on it.
The first guy comes back
in. He bends over, picks up the gum, sniffs it, tosses it back in his
mouth and starts chewing. He walks offstage.
Run through a short movie
scene. Use jerky motions, flashlight flicker, etc. Just as the scene is
about to end, the narrator says, "Oh no! Something's wrong; it's going
backwards!" Then run through the whole scene backwards. Keep the scene
short to only a minute or two.
A group of scouts approach
a scout and smell a foul odor. After some carrying on, the scouts determine
it smells like old socks. One scouts says: "Good Grief, when is that last
time you washed your socks? The Scout replies: "1959". The other scout
says" "goodness, you mean you have not washed your socks in 35 years!"
The Scout says " what are you talking about?" The other scout says: "You
said you hadn't washed you socks since 1959". The Scout with a big grin
says: "well what the big deal its only 2100 hours now!"
See "The Lighthouse" in
this Big Book.
Cast: Storyteller, Person
with Flashlight, 4 "Girders" who are collaborators, 4Victims
Person with flashlight
is the lighthouse -- he holds it on his head and turns around so the
light turns around to act like a lighthouse -- also, he occasionally
booms out a foghorn.
Storyteller: There once
was this lighthouse that did a very fine job of being a lighthouse.
It turned around all the time and gave a nice beam of light. It even
had a foghorn in it. (Foghorn....) So it was a very fine lighthouse
indeed. But after many years of fine service and many more storms, it
began to be a little shaky in the wind. (Lighthouse begins to wobble.)
So what the authorities did was to put in four girders to support the
lighthouse so that it would give many more years of fine service. (Bring
in your girders and place them around the lighthouse, facing outwards
and bent over on a 45 degree angle, with arms stretched out. Lighthouse
promptly becomes straight again, still continuing to turn.) And it indeed
did do that. It stood straight for many long years until again storms
caused it to be shaky in the wind. (Wobbles again.) So the port authorities
again tried to get the lighthouse to become straight again. They figured
boulders around the bottoms of the girders would do a great job, so
they placed boulders there. (Place your victims in a crouching position,
facing in toward the lighthouse, underneath the outstretched arms of
the girders.) And once more, the lighthouse was straight. And it remained
so for many, many years. During the first storm the lighthouse had to
endure after the boulders were placed, the authorities watched to make
sure that the lighthouse survived. They saw the rain coming close; they
heard the wind; the water began to rise; and the waves came crashing
in on the boulders (Girders start hitting the boulders' behinds.)
Have den line up on stage.
One scout steps forward and announces that this is the first international
exhibition of a new Olympic event. This is the cue for the rest of the
scouts to grin as wide as possible. The narrator announces that this was
the Standing Broad Grin.
Have a huge wag of chewing
gum (or homemade modeling clay), green and black, lying on a plate in
the middle of a table on the stage. First boy walks in, looks at the table
and comments on how gross the bug is. Other boys come in one at a time
commenting on how terrible the bug looks, that someone needs to step on
it, not sure if it's dead etc. The last boy comes in asking if anyone
has seen his gum, sees the gum on the plate and tells the other boys never
mind picks up the gum and pretends to put it in his mouth and walks away.
The other boys comment on how disgusting and sickening that was.
By setting up a white sheet
and using a light behind it, a hospital operation can be silhouetted onto
the sheet, which is set up like a screen. Ham it up with humorous dialogue,
occasionally throwing a peeled tomato or a piece of raw liver or spurt
of ketchup out to the audience. A good creative imagination would be an
asset here.
You need: A boy to be the
Chinese father, and three or four more boys to be his children.
The father starts out
alone and calls his children to come to him. He is very angry. They
all line up behind him.
Father: "As you know,
someone has pushed the outhouse into the river.(To first son) Was it
you?"
First Son: "No Father!"
Father: (To second son)
"Did you push the outhouse into the river?"
Second son: "No Father!"
He asks all of them, and they all say no.
Father: "In America,
George Washington chopped down his Father's cherry tree. He told his
Father 'I can not tell a lie'. When his Father heard this, he did not
punish him, but he honored him for telling the truth." Now can someone
tell me who did this?"
Second son: "I cannot
tell a lie either Father. It was me!"
Father: "Why you little!"
He runs up and starts strangling his son. Other sons try to keep him
off.
Second son: Father! Why
are you punishing me when I told you the truth? You said George Washington
did not get punished!."
Father: "George Washington's
Father was not in the tree!!"
All exit
Note: Some may find this
offensive (Mainly Chinese people)You can use a scoutmaster and boys
and have "Who pushed the latrine into the lake" or something like that.--
Thanks to Chris Whong
of Boy Scout Troop 763, Wheaton, MD
Father Indian lines up his
three sons. "One of you pushed outhouse over cliff, two nights ago. Which
of you did it?" "Not me" "not me!" "Not me!!!"
"Come on, I promise not
to punish you. Who did it?"
"Not me!" "Not me!" "Not
me!"
"Let me tell you story
of great American hero, George Washington. When he was a boy, he chopped
down a cherry tree. His father came to him and asked, 'George, did you
chop down that cherry tree?' 'I cannot tell a lie, father, I chopped
down the cherry tree,' said little George. 'You should not have done
that, but since you told the truth, I will not punish you.' And George
Washington grew up to be President of the United States!"
"Now I ask you. Who pushed
outhouse over the cliff?"
"Not me!" "Not me!" "I
cannot tell a lie, father, I pushed the outhouse over the cliff."
"!@#$%!!!" (The father
beats up the son who pushed the outhouse over the cliff.)
"Why did you beat me
up? When George Washington told the truth, his father did not punish
him!"
"George Washington's
father wasn't IN the tree when George Washington chopped it down!"
I was recently on staff at
Camp Birch of the 95' staff, and this was the most popular of them all
we did.
This is set in the western
era in the 1800's. Characters:
An Out Law, Partner,
swinging doors(that squeak when opened), One person playing Wife of
the Out Law, the Son of the Out Law, Camera person, Very Outgoing Director
with German accent.
ANY MISSPELLINGS ARE
INTENTIONAL, THIS IS HOW IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE PRONOUNCED
Director: Pleses(Places),
Pleses, evedybody. Now do we haave thees down?(Be creative)
(Every one nods)
Director: Aaalrright aand aaction.
Out Law: Say there pardner, got a match.
Pardner: Yep.
Out Law: Can I have it.
Pardner: Nope.
Out Law: I think I'm gonna take it, what are YOU gonna do about it.
Pardner: I'ma gonna shootcha. (quickly pulls out gun and fires)
Out Law: (Falls to ground)
Son: Daddy, daddy. (Huddling over Out Law)
Wife: OH! MY POOR HUSBAND!(Huddling over Out Law)
Director: (in a perturbed
and angry voice) Cuuuuuuuuuuut! Thaat was terrible, were do we get these
aactors. Let's do it again, do eet slowwwwer / faaster / like an opra.(CHANGE
WORDING AROUND EACH TIME, it will sound repetitive if you don't)
(look of question in
faces)
(repeat slower)
(repeat really fast)
(repeat like opra)
The End
This skit is hilarious,
you can have fun doing it and adding your own episodes onto it.
-- Thanks to Bartley
Davis
The Senior patrol leader
arrives with his troop and begins to admire the view from the top of the
cliff, upon which they are standing. He begins to organize things and
asked for various items such as food, saw, matches, water, etc. Each time
another scout says begins to look in his pack and tells the SPL that he
either left the item at the car or lost it on the trail. The SPL get more
angry with each answer. He finally asked who brought the tent. At last
a scout says he did. The SPL says "Finally, no food, water, matches, or
saw, but at least we have a tent. Okay pitch the tent." The Scout says
:"But... but" The SPL screams 'I said Pitch The Tent! The Scout throws
the tent over the edge of the cliff!
Cast: The Scout Master, Assistant
Scout Master, The Eagle Scout, The Life Scout, The Tenderfoot, and the
Monster.
Setting: A plague has taken over the Camp. A monster is lurking a nearby
forest known as "Dark Forest" home of the monster: "Yellow Fingers". The
only hope is to obtain a magic potion from the old sorceress.
Scout Master: Eagle Scout,
our Camp is in ruins. The plague is killing everything in out camp.
The Experts give us no hope. The only way to save our camp is to obtain
the magic potion from the old sorceress, who lives in the nearby Dark
Forest. However, beware of the monster Yellow Fingers, who if he catches
you in the Dark Forest will squeeze you to death.
Eagle Scout: Yes, Sir,
I will go, anything to save the camp and for Scouts everywhere.
(The Eagle Scout leaves
and you hear a struggle and a deathlike scream)
Scout Master: The Eagle
Scout has failed. Life Scout, you must slay Yellow Fingers and save
the Camp.
Life Scout: Yes, Sir,
I will go and save our Camp, I am prepared.
(The Life Scout leaves
and you hear a struggle and a deathlike scream)
Scout Master: Call for
my Star Scout, He must save the camp.
Star Scout: (acting afraid)
Oh, my Scout Master, I don't think I have the training or skill to go
into the Dark Forest, Isn't there anyone else?
(The Star Scout leaves
and you hear a struggle and a deathlike scream)
Scout Master: My Eagle
Scout, my Life Scout and my Star Scout have all
failed, Now who shall
do battle?
The Page: I will. I will
do it for my Scout Master and the Camp.
Scout Master: But you
are only a page. You have ONLY earned your TENDERFOOT. You cannot believe
that you have the skills to travel through the Dark Forest.
The Page: Send me Sir,
I shall kill the beast.
(The page leaves and
you hear a struggle and the page returns)
The Page: Yellow Fingers
is dead. Here is your magic potion to save the camp.
Scout Master: Page, how
is it that my Eagle, Life and Star Scouts all failed, but you, a mere
tenderfoot has saved the camp?
The Page: Its very simple
-- From now on let your pages do the walking through the Yellow Fingers."
In the middle of the singing
a person wearing two coats, holding a paint bucket, paint brush, and a
step ladder pushes through the crowd. He excuses himself saying he is
a painter and needs to do the next room. The leader asks him why he is
dressed for winter. The painter replies that he was told to paint the
room with two coats.
Two Scouts are walking along
when they spot some interesting tracks.
Scout One - "Hey!! Look
animal tracks! I wonder what kind of tracks are those?"
Scout Two - " They look like cat tracks, big cat tracks. Let's take
a closer look."
Scout One - "Gee... you don't suppose these are Mountain Lion tracks,
do you?
Scout Two - Down on hands and knees examining the tracks with a magnifying
glass, looks up and proclaims with certainty; "No, these are definitely
Panther tracks; absolutely no doubt about it".
Scout One - "How can
you tell? They just look like big cat tracks to me".
Scout Two - "Its easy,
you just need to be observant, look closely at the bottom of this track
over here; see, there is an ant squished at the bottom. And there is
one in this track over here too. The animal that made these tracks was
purposely stepping on ants as he walked."
Scout One - "OK I'll
buy that, its a big cat that likes to squish ants, but I still don't
see how you can be so sure that it was a Panther?
Scout Two - "Why its
easy, Just look at this strange pattern; (scout pointing to each track
in turn) Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Ant, Dead Ant,
Dead Ant, Dead Dead Dead Ant, ....."
Two scouts "on stage" First
Scout showing the other a backpack.
First Scout: This is
our top of the line parachute, guaranteed to work.
Second Scout: What is this cord for?
First Scout: That's the rip cord, you pull that and the parachute opens.
Second Scout: What's this other cord for?
First Scout: That's the reserve chute, if the first one fails to open
you pull that cord and the reserve chute opens.
Second Scout: What if that one fails to open.
First Scout: Bring it back and we'll give you another one, no charge.
Cast: Warehouse Person, Store
Manager, 5 Customers, Two Victims, Broomstick
Setting: Party Supplies Store
Get two victims to hold,
at each end, the broomstick -- this will be your manager's store counter.
Customer #1: Hi! I'd
like to buy some balloons for my daughter's birthday party.
Manager: Of course, Sir.
Let me check with the back. (Calling to back of warehouse.) Do we have
any balloons?
Warehouse: (Calling from
back -- an accent works well, or he's hard of hearing.) Let me check.
(Pause) No! No balloons!
Manager: Gee, I'm sorry,
Sir. Thank you for stopping by!
Continue with each customer
trying to get cakes, party favors, "Just the bottom of the line, no
frills birthday party supplies," candies, games for the little darlings,
hats, and so on. Each time, the Manager calls back, the warehouse person
responds that he'll check, says no, and the manager apologizes. Finally,
Last Customer: I've been
waiting in line here for a while and I've noticed that you don't have
anything that anybody wants. What do you have for parties?
Manager: (Slowly looks
at each of the victims, considering each.) Well, I do have two suckers
on a stick!
As per usual with repetition
skits, the more actors the merrier up to about 6 or7.
Setting: Family Sitting at the Dinner Table, talking in a very thick
Southern Drawl.
Ma: Pass the peppa, Pa.
(Goes down the line to Pa, who responds)
Pa: Here's the Black Peppa, Ma.
(Goes down the line to Ma, who responds)
Ma: No, not the Black Peppa, Pa.
(Goes down the line to Pa, who responds)
Pa: Oh. Here's the Chili Peppa, Ma.
This goes on through different kinds of Peppa ie. Banana Peppa, Jalepeno
Peppa, Red Peppa, Green Peppa, and so on until,
Ma: Can't you pass the toilet peppa, Pa?
You can ham this up a bit,
but here's the gist of it. Two scouts enter (one on all fours if conditions
allow) and move across stage as the skit proceeds. One is the mule and
the other is the driver. A narrator stands just offstage.
Narrator: "In the heat
of the Mojave Desert, the mule driver pushes his beast toward town.
Day one."
Mule: "Water, master,
water!"
Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"
Narrator: "Still they drive on relentlessly. The second day. . ."
Mule: "Water, master, water!"
Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"
Narrator: "Without mercy, they push to their goal. The third day. .
."
Mule: "Water, master, water!"
Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"
Narrator: "Still far from town, they go on. The fifth day. . ."
Voice offstage: "What happened to the fourth day?"
Driver: "Patience, Jackass, Patience!"
Cast: policeman; three boys;
police chief. (Policeman hustles scuffed looking boy up to boy sitting
at the table marked CHIEF.)
Policeman: Here's a bunch
of trouble- makers for you, sir.
Chief: O.K. constable. I'll deal with this. (dismisses officer, turns
sternly to Boy 1.) Well, now. Why are you here?
Boy 1: (embarrassed) I threw peanuts into the lake. (Chief looks puzzled)
Chief:(sternly to Boy 2 ) Any why, then, were you brought in??
Boy 2: (defensively) I threw peanuts into the lake.(Chief scowls angrily)
Chief: (Bellows at Boy 3) And you! What have you got to say for yourself?
Boy 3: I'm Peanuts, Sir! (All exit)
Version 2:
Cast: Judge, Bailiff,
3 (or more) Scruffy Guys, Peanuts (person)
Setting: Courthouse
Judge: Order in the court!
Order in the court! Bring in the first case!
Bailiff brings in a scruffy
guy.
Judge: What's your problem?
#1: Duh, I like to throw
Peanuts against walls! Hic!
Judge: 30 days psychiatric
treatment! Next!
Bailiff brings in two
more such characters, one likes to throw Peanuts out the window, into
a lake, likes to hit Peanuts with a hammer and so on. Judge responds
the same way and becomes increasingly bored, saying "Oh, not another,"
"Why do they send me all the loonies," and so on. Finally the bailiff
brings in the last, really scruffy, bloodied, shirt torn, no shoes,
so on.
Judge: What's your problem?
(Sigh....)
Peanuts: I'm Peanuts!
(Passes out.)
Version 3:
Cast: Narrator, 3 Scruffy
guys, Curious Person, Peanuts
Setting: Building Roof
Narrator explains that
these four guys are on the top of a building and looking over the edge.
Curious person: What
are you guys looking at?
#1: I threw Peanuts over the edge of the building.
#2: I threw Peanuts over the edge of the building.
#3: I threw Peanuts over the edge of the building.
"Peanuts" comes crawling up to the top of the building.
Curious person: Who are you?
Peanuts: I'm Peanuts! (Passes out.)
Each person has a handful
of peanuts hidden away (except girl's peanuts which are visible), perhaps
in campfire blanket pocket. All family members are present on the stage.
Cast: Girl, Mother, Father,
Brother, Sister, Cousin, Aunt, Uncle, Grandmother, Friend etc. and a
Bag of Peanuts.
Setting: Up at the Cottage, Lakeside Resort, Beach
Girl: Gee! I've got all
these great peanuts! I want to throw some into the lake! I'll go ask
Ma if I can. Ma! Can I throw peanuts in the lake?
Ma: Are peanuts biodegradable, dear?
Girl: What?
Ma: Are peanuts biodegradable? You don't want to hurt the lake.
Girl: Gee, I don't know.
Ma: Then you'd better not throw peanuts in the lake, darling.
Girl: (On the side) I'll go ask Pa.
Repeat the scene through
each person. Use appropriate hamming it up and histrionics, such as
"Granny always lets me do whatever I want" and a hard of hearing, senile
uncle. All still ask the biodegradable question, girl occasionally responding,
"Bio de what?" "Biodependable?" ("No, Biodegradable!") sometimes being
told, "You go to school, don't you? Ask your teacher!" She always responds
that she doesn't know and goes on to the next family member. Finally,
she gives up.
Girl: Well, I guess I'd
better find out what biodegradable means, and if peanuts are biodegradable.
(She leaves.)
Ma: Hey gang! She's gone
now! Peanuts are biodegradable! (Throw peanuts into crowd.)
Man Wearing Cap Sideways
(looking Goofy) holding pencils says, quietly: Pencils, Pencils, Pencils
People Walk by in disgust
Good Scout: Let me help
you sell your Pencils
Vendor: Okay!
Good Scout: First you need to get their Attention first you must Yell
"PENCILS!" Now you try it
Vendor: Quietly "pencils"
Scout: Louder
Vendor: a little louder "PEncils"
Scout: Really Loud
Vendor: Jumping up and Yelling at the top of his lungs: "P_E_N_C_I_L_S!!"
Scout: Okay, Now how much are they?
Vendor: Duh, I dunno
Scout: Say "3 for 5"
Vendor: 3-4-5
Scout: Okay are they Sharp?
Vendor: I dunno
Scout: Say Some are, Some aren't
Vendor: Some are , Some aren't
Scout: Okay if someone does not want to buy them what do you say?
Vendor: I dunno
Scout: Say If you don't someone else will
Vendor: If you don't someone else will
Scout: Good, that ought to help you have a good day!
Man enters holding magazine...
Vendor jumps up and knocks
the magazine out of man's hands yelling ,"PENCILS!"
Man: Do you know how much this magazine costs?
Vendor: 3-4-5?
Man: Is the rest of your family as smart as you are?
Vendor: Some are, Some aren't
Man: Would you like me to knock your head off?
Vendor: If you don't someone else will!
Hope ya like it, quite
popular in the San Joaquin area.
-- Thanks to Bill Warren,
Scoutmaster Troop 515 Tracy CA
Version 2:
A sales manager is trying
to teach a dumb salesman how to sell. The manager tells the trainee
to listen to him carefully and he will teach him how to sell. He gives
him the following instructions:
1. Hold pencils in your
hand and say, "Pencils for sale." Practice saying that.
2. Next people will ask how much they are so say, "Ten cents. Three
for a quarter."
3. Then they will ask what color so you tell them yellow.
4. Now they will either buy them or they won't. If they don't buy say,
"If you don't, someone else will."
The manager has him repeat
the instructions back and leaves him on his own. What happens is that
the trainee is left on his own and starts calling out pencils for sale
when another person rushing by and the trainee doesn't notice him and
they collide falling to the ground. They have the following dialogue:
1. The customer asks
if he knows how much the suit cost and the trainee tells him ten cents,
three for a quarter.
2. The customer getting
mad asks the trainee who do you think I am, to which the trainee replies,
"Yellow."
3. The customer really
mad says, "Do you want someone to punch you in the nose." To which the
trainee replies, "If you don't, someone else will."
At this point the customer
beats up the trainee salesman and they leave the stage.
Cast: Customer, Shopkeeper
Setting: Pet Shop
Customer: I'd like to
buy a turtle.
Shopkeeper: Well, here's
one of the only three turtles I have left -- they sell real well out
here but turtle shipments are few and far between.
Customer: Gee, thanks!
Just the kind I was looking for, too!
Later, customer comes
in with dead turtle and is a little distraught.
Customer: Look! He's
dead already! How old was he?
Shopkeeper: Here, here.
Let me see. Hmm. Look, having pets die on customers on the first day
they buy them is bad for business, so here's a new one. No charge.
Customer: Thank you!
That's so gracious of you.
Later, customer comes
in with dead turtle and is more distraught.
Customer: Are you sure
these turtles are okay? This one died on me too!
Shopkeeper: Let me see.
Hmm. Well, here's the last of my three turtles, and though I won't get
another shipment for a while, you can have it for free.
Customer: You are the
nicest man I know. Thank you so much!
Later, customer comes
in with dead turtle and is hysterical and crying.
Customer: What are you
trying to do to me? This one died too!
Shopkeeper: Let me see
this. This is bugging me too. Say. They all have scratches on the shells.
Why? What were you doing with them?
Customer: (Sniffing)
Well, I was only trying to give my car a turtle wax!
A guy is standing in the
middle of the ring. Someone wanders in, stage left, carrying a boombox.
"Hey, nice radio! Where'd
you get it?"
"Pickin' Cotton" and
he continues wandering off stage right.
Another guy wanders in
wearing a fancy shirt, stage left.
"Wow, cool shirt! Where'd
you get it?"
"Pickin' Cotton" and
he wanders off stage right.
Another guy wanders in
wearing bright pants and fancy shoes, stage left.
"Awesome shoes, man.
Where'd you get them?"
"Pickin' Cotton" and
he wanders off stage right.
A guy limps in, stage
left, beat up and wearing nothing except a towel wrapped around him.
"Who are you??"
"I'm Cotton!" and he
limps off stage right.
-- Thanks to Bob Jenkins
"Freddy Fingers and Hands
Harry" meet and embrace each other. They Tell where they've been in the
last few years, and as they say good-bye, one says to the other, "on you
may want this." He gives back his watch. This exchange of articles continues
until one hands back the other person's pair of underwear. Variation:
This can also be done as a contest with one of the finalists ending up
with the underwear. The other finalist looks into his pants yelps and
runs off.
Two friends meet and ask
each how they are doing. Each reveals that he has become a pickpocket
and claims to be the best pickpocket ever. They agree to find out. They
back up ten steps and walk toward each other, bumping into each other
as they pass.
The first person says:
"Well I guess this settles it, I am the best. Look at all the stuff
I got (show these items). Here is your wallet, your watch, you pocket
knife, and your comb. I still have all those things, so I guess I win."
The other man says "I
guess so, All I got was this! (he holds up a pair of underwear!)
-- Thanks to Merl Whitebook,
Troop 1, Tulsa, Okla
The two pickpockets decide
to demonstrate how great they are upon the innocent man walking down the
road. The two pickpockets bump into the innocent man, and walk past. The
then show everything they got. Use your imagination.
Then the ask the audience
if the saw how they did it. Audience says no, so the pickpockets say
they will do it once again. Repeat the act. Ask again if the audience
saw it. When they say no, agree to do it one more time.
This time the pickpockets
do it in slow motion! The pickpockets bump into the innocent man, pick
him up, turn him upside down, shake, and then put him down and walk
off!
The two part skits can
be done individually, but they are fun if done one first and then perhaps
with a skit or song in between, and then the next one.
-- Thanks to Merl Whitebook,
Troop 1, Tulsa, Okla
This skit requires pie plates,
shaving cream, towels, 3 plastic raincoats, or something similar (i.e.
plastic bags). At least five people need to be involved. There is the
narrator, the three members of the pie in the face team, and the person(s)
who delivers the pies to the pie in the face team. This skit works best
if everyone in the skit is serious, official, and ceremonious. Ply up
the ceremony and the official part of he skit.
The skit starts off with
the narrator about the history of the grand art of pie throwing. He
introduces the three members of the team who will receive the pie in
the face. The team marches out and stands at attention.
As the narrator continues
to talk a person comes out with three pies on a tray and hands them
to the three members of the pie in the face team. The narrator describes
the various pie in the face throws that have evolved through the centuries.
In every case the person in the middle receives the pie in the face.
Examples of pie throws are the classic pie in the face, the pie on the
top of the head, the double pie in the face, the pies on the side of
the head, and the swing, miss and hit. You can have the person in the
middle change places and still get a pie in the face. The last thing
that happens is that the guy in the middle who was getting all the pies
in the face gets the other two members of the pie in the face team.
During all this keep
the members of the pie in the face team supplied with pies. This can
go on as long as you would like. Another thing is wipe off the pie in
the face team faces once in a while. Be original and creative with skit.
Otherwise known as "The
Empty Boxes" in the Leader Magazine. Text from The Best of the Leader
Cut Out Pages.
Cast: Manager, Guard,
3 Workmen, large cardboard boxes.
Setting: Factory Gate.
Manager: (To new guard)
I'm giving you the very responsible position of gate guard at this factory.
Because of the lack of vigilance by your predecessors, the workers have
stolen so many finished articles that the firm is heading for bankruptcy.
Your duty is to ensure this is brought to an end. Do you understand?
Guard: Yes Sir. I am
to stop stealing.
Manager: That's right.
You can search people if necessary. Now it's up to you, and let's see
some results.
Guard: Very good, Sir.
(Manager leaves; guard takes post; first workman enters carrying a cloth
draped box.) Just a moment. What have you got in that box?
#1: What do you mean?
Guard: What have you
got in that box? It's my duty to see that no one takes stuff out of
the factory.
#1: Why didn't you say?
There's nothing in the box. Look! (He shows everyone the box is empty.)
Guard: Oh, well, that's
all right then.
#1 leaves and #2 enters,
box draped as before. Guard and workman go through routine of looking
in the box. Repeat with #3. After #3 has left, the manager races in
enraged.
Manager: You idiot! I
hired you to stop this pilfering. You've only been here half an hour
and already we're losing things!
Guard: But the only people
who went out were three men with boxes. I stopped them all and they
all had nothing in them.
Manager: You fool! We
make boxes!
A good joke on Scouting.
Of course it can be easily modified, but keep the punch line.
Cast: Pirate Parents,
three or four Pirates, one or two Beavers, Cubs or Scouts in full uniform
Mom: You know, we came
from a great lineage of pirates. All were really mean and ferocious.
For instance, there was Long John Silver.
LJS: (Comes out) Yo Ho
Ho and a bottle of Rum! Let's see if I can catch that bum!
Dad: And of course we
can't forget Captain Hook.
Hook: (Comes out) Let's
get that Peter Pan once and for all!
Mom: Then there was Captain
Kidd that nobody was afraid of. But he was still a great pirate.
Kidd: (Comes out, looks
funny) I may look funny but I'm great with a sword. (And he proves it.)
Mom & Dad: But look
at us! All we had were Cubs! (Cubs walk out.)
Pilot and control tower voice
are located on opposite sides of the stage area. A out of sight on the
pilot's side makes engine noises. Another person starts the skit by saying,
"I think that there is a plane overhead."
PILOT (yelling loudly):
"Pilot to control tower - "I'm coming in. Give me landing instructions!"
CONTROL TOWER (in loud
monotone as if through a microphone): "Control tower to pilot - why
are you yelling so loud!"
PILOT: "Pilot to control
tower, pilot to control tower -- I haven't got a RADIO!"
The scene is set with an
umpire, a catcher, a pitcher, first baseman, second baseman and third
baseman. The players run out to their positions, start talking and acting
like they're ready to play ball. The Umpire tells the players to play
ball. Then the pitcher looks around with a worried expression and starts
to cry. The catcher goes out to see what is matter and starts to cry as
well. Follow the same routine with First, Second and Third Baseman. The
Umpire finally asks in expiration what is the matter. The pitcher replies
that they don't have a ball.
Scene: Six to eight players
sit around a table scattered with papers, a couple of water glasses, etc.
They mime a discussion, some jotting down notes, etc. Enter the narrator,
outfitted as a news reporter. In confidential tones, the reporter explains
that this is an important meeting of the Patrol Leaders Council, gathered
on this occasion to make some very important decisions. As the narrator
says something like, "Let's see if we can get a bit closer to hear how
things are going", the group at the table add some mumbling and unintelligible
arguing to their mime. Occasionally, they punctuate the din with outbursts
such as, "No, no!"; "I disagree!", "That's better"; "No way!"; "That might
work"; and the like. finally, the hubbub dies, the group settles back.
One member stands and announces, "hen it's decided; a Large pizza with
mushrooms, onions cheese, sausage and pepperoni., hold the anchovies."
"All: Agreed!"
One by one the boys drag
on stage crying for water. Each reaches a bucket with a ladle and takes
a drink, splashing some water to show there is really water in it and
dies. Ham up the dying as much as you want. More than ladle may be needed
so that there is plenty of water to slosh around. The next to the last
person starts to drink from the bucket, when the last person comes in
sees all the dead bodies and yells for the other guy to drink from the
bucket, that it is poison. The last person throws the bucket in the audience
which really only contains rice or confetti; only the ladles had water.
Boy, do skits ever present
variations of themselves over time, this one over but a period of a month.
Cast: Army sergeant,
3 privates
Setting: Boot Camp
The three privates are
in line, side by side, listening to the sergeant's instructions.
Sergeant: (using one
of those yelling voices) OK men! Listen up! We're going to do a long,
hard, invigorating, uphill quick march! I don't want any weenies! Left
turn! (They all turn; sergeant takes up the front.) Quick forward march!
They all begin doing
a quick march (stay in place, of course.) All of a sudden, the private
in back sneezes.
Sergeant: Company Halt!
OK, who did that? You? (Pointing to the first private.)
Private: N-n-no Sir!
Sergeant: I said no weenies!
Integrity is important! All liars die! (Shoots the private.)
Private: Oh! You shot
and killed me! (Dies.)
This last scene repeats
itself with some variation, but essentially it's the same.
The scene continues to
repeat itself until finally,
Sergeant: Who did that?
You?
Private: Y-y-yes Sir!
Sergeant: Oh, you poor
darling, do you have a cold? Here, have a tissue!
Version 2:
Essentially the same,
but each private, having just been asked "Any objections?" giving a
leering, threatening look, gives an excuse such as "I have to take care
of my aging grandmother," "I left a tap running," and so on. Each one
is killed, or dismissed, according to your desires. Finally, after all
are dead or dismissed, he exclaims, "Ah, good! I wasn't looking forward
to this march anyway. I'll just go lie down."
Have one fellow standing,
holding an unopened pop bottle, the next holding a bottle opener (or stands
ready to open the container, one hand as if holding the container and
the other hand raised over it), the other two doing nothing. The first
guy examines the bottle real close and passes it to third guy who guzzles
it, pretend or for real, and passes the empty container to the last guy.
This guy looks at the empty bottle or container with a sick look on his
face and then burps as loudly as he can.
Version 1: Post Office
Cast: Post Office Clerk,
People in line, Person, a few letters and small boxes, and one wrapped
box with a roll of toilet paper in it.
Setting: Post Office
Person is last in line,
clerk is behind a desk, serving people, box with toilet paper
1: 5 stamps, please.
Clerk: $2.00, please.
2: My mail, please. (Clerk hands it to him.)
3: This to Albuquerque.
Clerk takes it.
4: Has my package arrived yet?
Clerk: (Checks.) No, I'm sorry Sir.
Next day, same type scenario
occurs, with person 4 always last in line, always asking for his package,
which hasn't arrived yet. Each day this repeats, his legs become more
and more crossed, he's more fidgety, more nervous, more anxious, more
desperate, till finally, on the last day he's up again.
4: (Yelling out) Has
my package arrived yet?
Clerk: Yes Sir! Here
it is!
4: (Relieved, tearing
open the box) Thank you! Now I can go to the washroom!
Version 2: The King's
Royal Paper
Essentially the same
type of cast plus a guard; you also need newspaper, a notepad, scrap
paper, cardboard and so on. Have servants ham it up when their head
is about to be cut off.
King: I want my Royal
Paper!
1: Here, Sire, The Royal
Newspaper!
King: No! That's not
it! Guard, Off with his head!
2: Sire! Your Royal Writing
paper!
King: Fool! Off with
his head!
3: Your Highness! Here
is The Royal Scratch Paper!
King: (Furious) If I
wanted to draw I'd have called for Crayons! Off with his head!
4: Your Grace! Here is
the Royal Paper! (Hands him the toilet paper.)
King: Thank you! (Runs
off to washroom.)
A scout pretending to be
a delivery boy comes wandering through the meeting with a potted plant
which he says is for Mrs. Mergertroid. He comes back through the meeting
several times each time saying, "Potted plant for Mrs. Mergetroid." Each
time the potted plant gets bigger. The last time he comes in carrying
a small tree. Finally the leader says there isn't any adults here, just
kids. Delivery boy looks at the card and says. "Oh for heaven's sake.
I've been reading it wrong, the plant is from Mrs. Mergetroid For ; Name
of some one in the unit."
Kids bring in presents for
their teacher on the first day of school. The teacher can tell what the
child's parents does by the present he brings such as apples from parent's
fruit stand, baker's child brings rolls, candy maker candy. The last person
brings in a crudely wrapped package, with yellow liquid leaking out. The
teacher tastes the liquid and states that his father must run a bottling
factory. The child replies that no his dad is a dogcatcher and that it
is a puppy in the package.
A prisoner is brought before
a judge. The policeman says that he caught him red-handed. Judge asks
if it is true and the prisoner says, "Well, maybe so and maybe not". The
prisoner is asked if he has stolen before and he replies, "Mmmm ... now
& then". Judge, impatient now, asks where he stole these things and
the prisoner replies here and there. Judge tells the policeman to lock
him up ! Prisoner asks when he will get out of jail. Judge smugly says,
"Oh, sooner or later."
A silly fill-in for a
number of dull moments.
Cast: Announcer, Professor
Glitzenshiner
Announcer: Yes, ladies
and gentlemen. Today I have the great honor of presenting to you Professor
Gliztenshiner. Professor Gliztenshiner is a little known quack whose
main field of expertise is geography. He attended Whatsamatta U. for
his undergraduate degree in geographic localization; he went to Duck
University for his Masters in human geography. He did his Doctorate
at the Idiot Institute of Illinois on World geography, and is now on
world tour addressing crowds large and small on Systems of Geography.
Please, Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to introduce Professor Gliztenshiner
who will now give you his address.
Professor Glitzenshiner:
My address is 1234 Pine Street. Thank you. bows)
Props: A cardboard box, and
a stuffed dog (or rabbit, etc.)
Announcer: This scene
takes place on the street outside a grocery store.
(Several participants
are gathered around outside the store, chatting.)
Roger : (Enters holding
the box) Hi guys, would you please hold this box for me while I go into
the store ? (Exits)
Martin: I wonder what's
in the box ?
Gerry : I don't know,
but something is leaking out !
Bob : (Rubs finger against
the bottom of box, then licks finger) Hmmm, it tastes like lemon soda.
Martin: (Also rubs box
and tastes finger) No. I think it's more like chicken soup.
Roger : (Returns, looks
in box) Oh, you naughty puppy !
Version 2:
Cast: Owner, 1st Pedestrian,
2 Friends, box
Setting: Street Corner
Owner: (Walking up to
#1) Would you hold my box? I have to go into a store for a moment.
#1: Sure! Be glad to.
#2: (Walks up.) Hey! What's in the box?
#1: I don't know. This guy comes up to me and hands it to me. Hey! It's
leaking! Maybe it's ice cream and it's melting. Let's taste it. (Taste
drip) Tastes like vanilla ice cream to me!
#2: (Tastes it.) Chocolate it is, my friend. Hey Joe! Try this -- what
does it taste like?
Joe: (Tastes it.) Definitely pistachio.
#1: Naw! It's vanilla!
#2: I told you, it's chocolate!
Owner comes back.
#1: Mister -- what's
in the box? Vanilla ice cream?
#2: Or chocolate?
Joe: It tastes like pistachio to me!
Owner: How foolish of you guys. That's my pet dog!
Guys show disgusted faces.
One player stands with his
ear to a fence (an old painted sheet will work) as if listening intently.
Several others enter to watch. One of them asks, "What do you hear?" "Listen!"
he says dramatically. They all listen, look puzzled. Another says, "I don't
hear anything. " "Listen!" first player says again. The routine repeats
once or twice more. Finally, one player says with great disgust, "I don't
hear anything!" "Funny," says the first player, "it's been like that all
day!" Players exit.
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