The MacScouter's Big Book of Skits

Compiled by R. Gary Hendra, the MacScouter

     The MacScouter's Big Book of Skits is the result of compiling skits from various Internet Scouting sources, and lots of creative people. The Big Book was revised in 1997, and is now somewhat out of date. But there are still a lot of great skits here. At last count there are about 400 skits in the Big Book -- this may be the biggest collection of skits in the world. With a little luck, the book will be updated irregularly, as more material comes in.
     The Big Book started with the Scouts-L Skits FAQ, and a few other small compilations of skits. People have sent me individual skits and groups of skits. My sincere thanks to Merl Whitebook, the most prolific contributor to this volume. My thanks also to Hans Hussman, Bob Jenkins, the US Scouting Service Project, the Australian Scouting Association, and a cast of other characters.

• Index of Skits
• Introduction
• Staging Skits
• Other Sources of Skits
• The Big Book of Skits
  • Group 1 -- The Airplane, through the Bus Driver
  • Group 2 -- C.P.R. through Eskimo Pie
  • Group 3 -- The Failed Reporter, through The Growing Machine
  • Group 4 -- The Hair Cut Machine, through the Knot Demonstration
  • Group 5 -- The Land Shark, through The Nurses
  • Group 6 -- Offensive Bus Passenger, through A Quiet Day
  • Group 7 -- Raisin, through the Super Clutz
  • Group 8 -- A Talking Martian!, through The Viper is Coming
  • Group 9 -- The Wall, through 7 Jerks on the Line
  • Group 10 -- Walk-ons, Run-ons and Other Shorts

Staging Skits

     Skits are usually never longer than 3 to 5 minutes and are ideally somewhere around 90 seconds.
     Sources of your skits are imagination, Leader magazine, jokes from books, Reader's Digest, campfires, kids, and other leaders, and of course the MacScouter's Big Book of Skits.
     Watch out for scratch skits from the kids, because they usually aren't funny, are too long and don't make any sense, not to mention the kids forget what they're supposed to say and do. A real bore to watch. Which leads to the next point -- reserve the right to edit or veto the kids' skits, within reason of course. You've got to avoid swearing, hitting, and stupid, no-sense skits. Though I have seen some original beauties from kids, as well as some wonderful modifications from them, both of which through little if any leader intervention.
     Generally, a good way to get the kids involved in a good skit is to provide them with a choice of about two or three skits and let them choose a tried and proven skit, then help them modify it to the number of kids available and the theme.
     Rehearse the skit beforehand. It will increase the kids' confidence and can help to avoid whispering, fumbling, amnesia, arguing about who says what, and all sorts of problems.
     This task is impossible, but essential to work on. The boys have to speak up so that everyone can hear them. Who cares how good the joke is if you can't hear it. That's where rehearsing comes in handy.
     Cue cards can be useful for the kids so that they can remember their lines. Make poster size cards with large, simple writing. A far out idea, but can be useful if the kids can read. And hey! It may unintentionally turn out to be the gag of the weekend! (How about a skit involving cue cards, and the punch line being "But Sir! We can't read!")
     Besides the variations mentioned, most of these skits lend themselves rather well to variation of some sort, allowing for easy use throughout a variety of different themes. I saw "The Beer Commercial" originally as a filming of Romeo and Juliet, "The Dumb Actors" can be a filming of any theme related scene, "Peanuts in the Lake" originally had flat out refusals from the relatives, but was modified for an environmental theme, and "Rise, Walk, and Kill, Igor" can have a Scout Troop selling fertilizer, Dr. Mad's Grandmother visiting and the cable company coming by to install a new TV.
     Of course, some skits such as "You've Broken the Rules!," "Nosebleed," to some extent "Trimming the Christmas Tree" and "The Infantry is Coming!" are a little more situation specific and depend on prescribed scenery and situations to get the joke done properly. But when possible, decide what you need and then change a skit, even if only minor details mentioned can be changed to fit. The scripts aren't cast in stone.
     Avoid rancid skits such as Veech Boton, Ugliest Man in the World, Is it Time Yet?, Nosebleed, and any skit you or your kids have done three times in row (or three times in the past year.) Yes, the kids do love these skits and want to do them again and again, but they become bored sooner or later and start to complain "Not another campfire..." or they call out "I know the joke! He's got a nosebleed!" So try a new skit -- it's just as fun and will improve greatly the enjoyability of your campfires.
     Watch out for using or modifying skits that touch on sensitive topics. What used to be considered acceptable jokes no longer are, such as ethnic or handicapped targets. Keep to topics of common ground.
     In your skits, a volunteer is usually a pre-selected person who you seem to pluck out of the audience, but of course is planted there. In a pinch, you can just choose your volunteers at random and give them instructions as part of the act. A victim, on the other hand, is a person who is chosen at random or pre-selected (without their knowledge) to be the butt of the joke. Of course, discretion is advised. Try your good humored DC or that Beaver leader who just won't run out of energy.
     Have a cheermaster. A CM is someone who keeps track of group songs, yells, cheers and skits. Over time, you can start weeding out the good from the bad from the seen too many times and you can get quite a collection -- here's mine! With many sources you can pick up as many as you desire.
     Build up a repertoire of one man skits, or, if you have one of those friends who's been with you in your Scouting endeavors since you were a Scout and probably will always be with you till beyond the grave, act as a team and memorize some skits that without even a moment's notice you can use to fill in a space. There are a number of skits listed here that require only one or two participants or whose "volunteers" can usually be chosen at random.
     Examples -- "The Bubble Gum in the Studios;" "Flora the Flea;" "The Bigger Jerk;" "The Highest Tree Climber" (just have the person talk to himself); "7 Jerks on the Line;" "Spring is Sprung;" "The Viper" (just two people, same one running in over and over again); "You Don't Say;" "Highest Jumper in the World;" "The Well-Trained Elephant;" "Food, Water and Mirror on the Sahara;" "You Need a Tie, Sir;" "A Hot Meal;" "Brain Shop;" "Pet Shop;" "The Ghost of Midnight;" "I'm Gonna Get You!;" "News Flash!;" "Learning the Alphabet;" "The Wrong Skit;" and "The Ghost With One Black Eye."
     Make your skits enjoyable!

Other Sources of Skits

     There are a few books I know on skits, yells and campfires:

     The "BSA Cub Scout Leader How-To Book". It is built to help the cub scout pack and den leaders running programs that kids enjoy. A section of 15 pages is dedicated to skits, yells and applauses. ISBN 0-8395-3831-6.
      "Creative Campfires" is another fine publication. Half of the book contains songs, and the rest is crammed with skits, stories, yells and tips to set up an entertaining campfire. (Sorry - no ISBN, but it can be ordered worldwide from the BSA Supply Division - Fax +1-704-588-5822).
      "Campfire Stories....Things That go Bump in the Night" by William Forgey, M.D. contains 21 campfire stories, with large typeface summary of each. Also includes the author's suggestions for how to be successful at telling campfire stories. ISBN 0-934802-23-8 published by ICS Books. Approximate price: $10US ($13CA).

Index of Skits